What got me thru a weak moment with NC PLEASE READ) IT WILL HELP
What got me thru a weak moment with NC PLEASE READ) IT WILL HELP
Last night was the WORST I have suffered with NC, even got myself out to mingle with others and had to go to the bathroom because the tears were just flowing. Thank God only one person noticed and said whats wrong have you been crying. I told them I had a cold and my eyes were all wattery, (the ol contact routine doesnt work by the way) As I sat there at this little pub I wondered how many people in there had suffered what we had suffered, there were only 20 people in there so probably none, as I knew all the women - its a fun, cute little pub and the gal that is the bartender part time is a friend of mine, she even said; you seem out of sorts tonight is everything ok? Ya sure everything is just hunky dory. She is a relatively close friend and I have never told her what happened to me and NEVER will, I told my dearest closest friend and while she was understanding she still didnt get it, so I rely on the professionals and this forum for support and recovery.
I find it pretty amazing in the face of everything and what we have been thru that we still go on, we still work, we still interact with our friends and family while carrying around inside us this horrible experience we are trying to overcome. That ladies takes strength and courage. One gal stated she was crying on the tread mill while working out (sorry honey forget who you were) bless your heart, I have been there too crying while working out, crying while grocery shopping, crying at just about every activity.
So I had a yearning to hear his voice for some reason so I played his old messages on my cell phone. I noticed almost every single one of his messages included telling me how he was going thru withdraw and needed for me to call him, saying how horny he was for me, how he would like to put objects up every orphis (sp) of my body and slap me around a bit, holding me down hearing me scream, ok ok you get the idea - so after listening to all of them I just sat there on the couch numb thinking THERE YOU HAVE IT, go ahead give him a call because this is what you are going to get. Do you think you are going to hear anything else? Will this man turn into what you want him to be? Do you still want to continue this unhealthy illusion you have carried around in your head 4 years? THe reality of it being he is a sexual predator and will never be anything different.
It was NOTHING you did, you were never a whore, you didnt do anything to cause this person to see you like this ( I really struggle with that one) he cheats because he has a sick perverted mind and wants this from ALL his affairs.
Guess what? I stuck with the NC, and I realized the real pain I was experiencing last night was accepting what would never change and what he turned out to be. LET HIM GO I know I will have some moments like this, its just ridding myself of the unhealthy life I lived for so long.
NC
neverlookback
sadderbutwiser
Never
crying treadmill
I am in this stage right now
neverlookback I know
victimnomore
victimnomore
Many times, while I was in
I know