Getting Real
Getting Real
I need to speak up on this issue regarding denial. There is a point in the process of our relationship that denial can become a factor.
While we are still active in the relationship and prior to gaining knowledge and understanding of what we are involved in we are not in denial. You can not turn a blind eye and refuse to acknowledge the truth when you have never been exposed and have no knowledge of it. Most if not all that come to us here on AAH have never researched NPD nor PDs as a whole. They are trying to make sense out of a horrific nightmare that they have or are currently going through. They find us or associate content on the web and it is the beginning of an awakening for them.
Now, can they waver on believing the person they are with is truly a narcissist or PD? Absolutely. I know i did and it took me months before I fully accepted it and all of what this illness encompasses. I still loved the man i was with. I didnt want to face the fact that this disorder is not curable, not workable and toxic to my existence and therefore the only solution is ending the relationship. I wanted to have hope. This is a normal and natural response as a human. We all want to fix it and have back what we once had. All of us.
Now this is where it gets tricky. After we have come to this realization of NPD and after we have done our research and analyzed our personal situation and after we have come to accept that this person is in fact PD, We must hold ourselves accountable for our decisions that we choose to make from this point forward. This is the crossroad for us. This is the point that we begin to shift our focus from victim to survivor.
When we refuse to take on our role and how we can play a part in the Narcs world after we are fully aware of what we are involved in then we will never heal nor will we move to a healthy state in recovery.
We can not blame ourselves for what we went through at the hands of the Narcissist. But for us to continue to put ourselves in a situation that is obviously abusive and toxic, this is living in denial and we must address this.
We can look for endless excuses to remain in this relationship with the abuser. If I were to write a book on this alone it would be the size of the bible. But at the end of the day we still have to face the reality that living and co habituating with a Narcissist is impossible, unhealthy and will destroy us. Because there is no cure, no hope and no help we only have one solution to fix the problem. No Contact. It is permanent and forever.
Keeping one foot in the door for a ray of hope in getting back what you once had or looking for an easy way to leave the abuser is the same as a full plunge both feet first into Narcville. Cannonball style. Their crazy making behavior will continue to plague you. You will continue to obsess, suffer cognitive dissonance and be full blown in with the symptoms of NVS.
For any of us to consider that we have an option B and we can ease our way out or develop a better way of obtaining ultimate NC is absurd. There is no right or wrong way of going NC. No easy or hard way of doing this. It is hard period. And you will have pain, you will suffer and you will have to go through each and every stage that we all have had to experience that have went NC. This is the hard cold facts. But you have to ask yourself two very important questions,
"Is this pain worth it in knowing that eventually I will get to the other side and be painfree forever?"
"Is the pain that I am enduring at the hands of the Narcissist one that i am willing and capable of living with the rest of my life?".
Once you can answer these questions then you will know the decision you will have to make. Now, the question remains,
"will I act upon what I know i must do or continue to make excuses and deny my own reality".
We lived in Narcville without choices or a voice but when we leave this world our voices ring loud and we are left with nothing but choices. Initially we may be temporarily frozen and paralyzed with fear at our new surroundings but the only way to move forward is by accepting our reality for what it really was/is, exercising our right to choice and taking action.
We call it "Getting Real" and their is much more to come on this topic.
Lots of Love
Betty
On a humorous note..
Great post Betty!
Thanks Betty
hi Betty
Absolutely
Thank you
Betty
I hear ya' - I thought it was to me - it's not all me?
I think when this is all
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Cognitive dissonance- Betty fyi
And what a beautiful
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Sickandtiredofit
I hear ya' - I thought it was to me - it's not all me?
Getting REEL.... PMSL Once
Despy
Absolutely NOT briseis else
And while you are thinking of a new name
Oh ffs Briseis stop that! LMAO
Im on the floor dying in
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Betty
DHW you are punny... berry berry punny
Tsk tsk
The "Bestest" Signed Miss Guided
Stupid but connected
Sickandtierdofit
Love you girls!!! Seas the
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Great idea Betty
Im just curious Despy?
And please take a turn north of the border
Playedwithfire