MINDF*CK

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#1 Oct 26 - 10AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

MINDF*CK

Been gone six days. Avoiding him everywhere else, too: school, the shops, etc.

He just texted me: "Please do not respond to this text. I love you."

I hit "delete."

I freaking hit "delete," girlfriends!

Oct 30 - 9PM
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Bravo!

Helldweller, good for you!! I have not been on the board for awhile and I saw this post. You have definitely come a long way. Don't you wish pushing "delete" on your phone could just "delete" him? He's a monster. But you,my dear,will continue to be a shining star : )
Oct 27 - 3PM
jen79
jen79's picture

I cant believe

what I am reading here, after everything what happened with him, Helldweller, he dares to send you a text like this. I know I should know better, but I am again and again amazed about their evilness. Creepy manipulative asshole.
Oct 27 - 3PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Ooo he's good.

What an emotional blackmailer & manipulator! Short. Concise. Lingering memories of I LOVE YOU. For all you know, he could have just gotten out of a a bed with another woman & texted as he went to the loo for his morning pee. Mine did similar stuff. I met the woman who replaced me. I showed her my e-mails. I LOVE YOU. He was sending me e-mails from her son's birthday party--date & time written on the e-mail header. Seeking reconciliation with me while professing love for her & being taken into her family as a member. It's shocking what these men can do. All lies & manipulation.
Oct 27 - 8AM
staystrong.10.10
staystrong.10.10's picture

wow!

wow! what a creeper! good for you!!!!!! don't understand them at all why they do this kind of stuff. he has no idea that you've already saw through his old "playing game". screw him! GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Oct 27 - 8AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Wonderful!

Delete, Delete, Delete. It doesn't mean anything real anyways, so why even read it? Unless out of curiosity which I can understand. Good for you. I can't say that I have deleted and not responded yet so I look up to that!
Oct 27 - 8AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

dont reply

Just read everyone's thoughts about the "don't reply" thing. I don't know why he or any of them do it. I think it's INTENDED to appear as though THEY are done with the runaround, as though THEY are taking the high road and ending it, but it's all a bunch of crap, first of all because THEY ARE CONTACTING US AGAIN. AND saying triggering, outrageous things, like "I love you." It reminds me of when my husband went to prison and I sent him a letter saying, "Do not write back to me, but know that I love you." I did that because I hoped it would help encourage him to know I wasn't resentful or hateful because of what he had done. But I didn't want to stay with him and didn't want to get caught back up in the apologies and starting over again, etc etc. I thought about that possibility yesterday, that he had some bizarre idea that I was this broken, crazy person without hope, and he wanted to offer me support. Kind of like, "You are an insane, impossible woman, and I tried so hard to love you but you wouldn't let me, so I'm letting you go and I wish you the best." Ugh. Makes me want to puke.
Oct 27 - 11AM (Reply to #41)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

More like . . .

More like, "You are an insane, impossible woman, and I got so much supply and fun out of f*cking with you and watching you beg me for more than I find it hard to just stop wanting to play. I'll make my move, now you make yours." Exceptins . . . HD ain't makin' her move :)
Oct 27 - 7AM
Used
Used's picture

dont reply

i have another take on them telling you not to respond.. my mum and me had a very toxic relationship..and if she wasent dissappearing , she was sending me horrible letters always ending with...dont bother replying if you do i will not read it...anyone one day we were together but having a "passive" day.lol. but we had a talk, and i said to her, why do you write me those letters and end it with dont respond...and she said...in case you hurt me... i said hurt you? do you know how much you have hurt me in my childhood and now in adulthood...and she said YES I DO...thats why i am afraid with what you would say back..i said why write then, she replied.. b/c if you do responed even if i dont read it, i know you still love me enough to try... i said you must know how much i love you... i put you above all others, including my husband, my kids, my friends,any one...no one comes b/f you....look at the way you have treated me ,i am still here...she but i cant understand why you do...so i cant believe you....we both sat there crying... i have been 7years nc with my mum...... she eventually killed my love for her and so i ended it, i had to i used to look at her[at the end] and think i gave up everything for you all those years i wasted on you...so i finished it.. yes i did get another letter, telling me she knew what she had done to me, catalogueing everything and every time she had hurt me... and she could only say she was sorry and i believed her... but i never answered it...the only time she HADNT told me not to respond..and just remembered narc sent me a realy rotten text one day i was in such a temper i phoned him he had turned his phone off...and another time we were both sending bad texts and every 2nd text i sent he would turn his phone of for 15mins....cowardly cowardly people!!!!
Oct 27 - 9AM (Reply to #38)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Used

This story about your mom makes me very sad...not that just about every story on here doesn't, but this one particularly so. You're a strong woman. xoxo
Oct 27 - 9AM (Reply to #39)
Used
Used's picture

wholeagain

thankyou.... i still think of that day with her and my stomach jumps...what else was always spooky.... we looked like doubles....same size, same eyes, nose, and here is the irony...to be with her and visa versa was like looking in a mirror....she went in a shop once, i went in another one, i then went to go into the shop she had just come out of..and the owner said get out you have been asked to leave once, he then said i am sorry have you an older sister who looks the image of you... i said no that is my mum.. and dont talk to her like that again..... i loved her very very much.....someone told me once it was like she had recreated herself on me....i dont mean on purpose .... i still catch sight of my self sometimes and say hallo mum...thats on a good day..lol
Oct 27 - 6AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

how polite

how polite of him to say please! NOT! That text is soo messed up! You did awesome! I'm very happy you are still here with us!
Oct 27 - 3AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Do not respond....

Mine would send me emails with...Not that i desire to start conversations with you again,but believe it or not i am just thinking How are you doing....but i do not want anyrhing to do with you,good or bad at the moment...Do not expect anything from me....

Aceonelady

Oct 26 - 11PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Good for you!

Ok, so I need to ask you something: 1. Does your N say "pls do not respond" often? Mine does this all the time to me and it drove me nuts! Or he would say "no response needed". Its like he demanded the last word and he wanted to say what he wanted to say, but I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. 2. Have you ever said "pls do not respond" to anyone? I have NEVER said that to anyone. why? because it is like you don't give a shit about what someone else thinks. It is another freaking control issue where they need to keep you in your place. IMO, this is another Narc red flag!
Oct 27 - 3AM (Reply to #33)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Helldweller

Lets look at the pathology of this... Do not respond... If you do respond it's a win because he gets supply If you don't respond it's a win cause he has control Only a fucking madman would be so frigging convuluded YOU WIN EITHER WAY...DON'T RESPOND - HE'S A SICK IMOTENT BASTARD! Hugs!
Oct 27 - 9PM (Reply to #34)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Good analysis

I would add one thing though. I tried to imagine saying "i love you" to someone and then saying "don't respond" in the same breath. I think I would only say this if: 1) I was afraid of getting hurt....what if he rejects me again? But if I truly meant it... I wouldn't be afraid of getting hurt, I would truly want to know what his opinion was - good or bad; because I love him. So I would say something more along the lines of "i love you. I realize you may not feel the same about me. And that is OK. But I really wanted to let you know my feelings". "I love you" is an expression of openness and sharing and "pls don't respond" is definitely not openness or sharing. Therefore, he doesn't really love you and it is really option #2. 2) I wanted to stay implanted in this person's mind...ie. continue to mindf*ck them from a distance to make sure they were still obsessed with me. To keep control and to keep them in a state of total confusion which is the hallmark of the N. It is all smoke and mirrors to them - dont' look behind the curtain. Otherwise, why even say it in the first place? And he didn't really mean anything by it, OR HE WOULD HAVE AT A MINIMUM COME AND TALKED TO YOU IN PERSON ABOUT IT! He loves you like a little boy loves his toy. To use you. And he "loves" you because he senses that you are not his anymore and dammit, he wants all of his toys available to him at all times - whether or not he is actually using you at the moment. So, the conclusion It was a Mindf*ck to keep you obsessing over him. then he probably copied and pasted his masterpiece text to 12 other women because he was so proud of himself for coming up with a 2 second approach to mindf*cking many women all night long and just see if anyone actually really responds. What a FUN, FUN GAME! Helldweller, can you PLEASE either block him from your phone or change your phone number? This man isn't worth 30 seconds more of your precious life and I'd love to see you move on and not think about him one more time (easy for me to say! I am still obsessing over mine. But I'm down to 10 hours/day vs. 24 hours/day....so am making progress!) :)
Oct 27 - 2AM (Reply to #32)
broken23
broken23's picture

Mine used to say it

Mine used to say it differently...I dont need a email response to this. It is about control. And ofcourse, then you dont respond. But soo odd, Ive never been told how to communicate in a intimate relationship.
Oct 27 - 1AM (Reply to #31)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

LOML

That's an interesting question. Who WOULD say such a thing? I've emailed or left voice mails and said "No hurry on responding if you are busy, blah blah blah". But to just SAY something to someone (say anything) and tell them not to respond is . . . rude!! And pretty weird. Oh yeah, we're talking Narcs and their repertoir of antisocial skills :P . As a matter of fact, there is a nurse at work who I get along with pretty well, but has some issues with control. She'll spend a few moments bitching, and then hold up her hand and say "Don't say a word!" and walk away. I wondered why it pissed me OFF. I mean ANGRY, and frustrated. And I didn't even care what she was bitching about enough TO say anything but "Oh, I'm sorry, you poor martyred thing you." :D These are just not things people who respect other people DO. Major Narc red flag.
Oct 26 - 11PM (Reply to #29)
movingforward (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I used to say please don't respond.

It saves you from the rejection of when they don't respond. It's kinda like psyching yourself out, preparing yourself for the no response. That and I'd want to be in control of my feelings. So when I'd be overwhelmed, I'd send off a text similar to that. And if he didn't listen and reply anyway, I knew he loved me. It's sick and twisted, but I've been there.
Oct 26 - 11PM (Reply to #30)
movingforward (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

May I recommend something....?

Can you change your cell number? It works wonders and no one ever has to know why. Just a suggestion ;) Then again, I changed mine about 3 times in the past year only to give in and give him my new numbers every time. My friends were all WTF!!!! lol I didn't change it this time. Screw it.
Oct 26 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Actually I have said that to

Actually I have said that to the exN when I was breaking NC and going off on him. I didn't want a response because it would be another round of same o same o. I would say whatever with the end of matter attitude and then not respond any further. but to a normal person, no I would never say such a thing. He is a pure prick to think there is no response to 'love you'. I don't even know the prick and I hate him. almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 27 - 4PM (Reply to #28)
jen79
jen79's picture

I have said that too

I said many times, dont respond, it was when I tried to find closure in a good way, mostly while he gave me the silent treatment, then I said sometimes, in my heart I will carry the love I had for you blablah...and goodbuy...dont answer please. I really did that, just to find closure, and I didnt want a next round. But me too, I never did such a thing with any other person, not once.
Oct 26 - 11PM (Reply to #24)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

almostydia

hmmmm...does that mean that roles are reversed here and he said that to me because I'm "not the normal person" and he was just sick of the same rounds again? I swear, sometimes I get so confused about this....lately I've found myself doubting myself all over again: 1. did I blow it by starting the relationship sabotage? 2. I am lonely, I will never have another soulmate like this. 3. Did I cause this by not being available and stringing HIM along? I just hate this....it just seems like this huge void in my heart and soul will always be there.... ughh. Anyway, I digress. We are on this thread to celebrate the DELETION!
Oct 27 - 4PM (Reply to #25)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

LOML

No, not at all, don't forget, that was my thinking, you can never confuse what humans think with what the N's think. Michele was right above, all about having a win win situation, response, he gets to continue this fun game and get more supply, no response, he has control by saying don't respond. I know. Now that I don't feel so much anger, it feels more like the way it feels when my dear friend died 2 yrs ago. I was still crying over her loss last Fri, her birthday. The person I miss was an illusion that is dead now and I'm sure I will grieve the loss for a long time. I hope we both find a new 'soulmate' if such a thing is possible. almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 27 - 9PM (Reply to #27)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Here's to finding the soulmate

Yep, that would be nice. It kills me that my entire adult life has been soulmates with an "illusion"....I still can't believe this happened to me. And I am in my late 40s now. What a waste of emotional energy...
Oct 27 - 4PM (Reply to #26)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

and one more thing, you have

and one more thing, you have to have a soul to be a soul mate. The N's have no soul. almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 26 - 9PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

OMG!!!!! Hip Hip

OMG!!!!! Hip Hip Hoorrah!!!!! One delete leads to the next, to the next and so on. So very very very proud of you! You are regaining your strength and power now. Its time to take back what is owed to you, YOUR LIFE!!!!! And this is a huge step in that direction! This is what I have been hoping to see. You made me have a big smile tonight helldweller! Keep up the good work and keep us posted. :):):) xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Oct 26 - 9PM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Yea Helldweller!

I am so proud of you! It felt real powerful deleting that message, didn't it? And you will find that the next one will even be easier, and the next and the next until he knows that you aren't playing anymore and will just go away and leave you alone. I really feel this is the beginning of your healing!
Oct 26 - 7PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Don't believe his bull crap. Don't believe it.

He has sent that to you, and how many others,,,? You know better. Don't believe his lies, these are the problems that belong to the past. Leave it there. These guys say all this crap and more to you, to floozies,, you name it. wow, he gave you alot of input on that one, huh...exactly. none. Stay away from crapolla
Oct 26 - 7PM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

How about this delete exercise....

A friend of mine told me about this exercise. First you write the N a letter and title it "The Narc". You say a few sentences then save it on your desk top. Write a few letters and save them all to your desk top. When that is done you then slide each one of them one at a time over to your trash icon. The icon will ask you..."Do you want to delete "The Narc"? and you will say (with a big fat smile on your face) yes and you will hit delete. I did this just for fun. And it did feel GREAT!! LOL!! Keep it up!! xoxoACgirl
Oct 26 - 7PM (Reply to #18)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

ACGirl

That is absolutely fantastic! I love, love, love this!