Does anyone else feel like a freak?
Does anyone else feel like a freak?
As I've mentioned in a couple of postings lately, I'm going through some hoovering tactics at present from my exN. Sadly, I broke NC to communicate with him and partly out of an intense curiosity to watch how this would play out I have given in and agreed to meet him a few times.
Overall, he's been very kind and concerned about my broken foot/ankle and even today has offered to come over and help me do housecleaning and bring me dinner. He took me to a high-end steak house for dinner last weekend and all the while, I'm doing pretty well at remaining pretty disconnected - almost like an out-of-body experience watching it all play out. It's pretty amazing to see this from an "informed" point of view now, but that's a different forum topic for later.
My very good friend and nextdoor neighbor has been by my side throughout this relationship as well as through the breakup over the last several months. Knowing that I have and still do love him, she's wanting to encourage a happy ending. When he's making these gestures (what we know as hoovering) she sees them as wonderful signs that he's really trying to show me how much he cares and wants to work through things.
I've explained in detail how these guys work, that this is a viable and clinically observed personality disorder and oddly enough, she was a psych major in college. However, she is just constantly trying to get me to "allow" him to do these things for me and see where it leads.
For the last couple of months (since I've been on this Board), I talk continously about what I've learned, what all of the people on this board have experienced and how similar it is to my experience, but she just looks at me as if I'm totally out of my mind. I imagine that for a person who has been happily married to a normal, caring man for over 20 years hears that I'm communicating with people on the internet that I've never seen, talked to, or met - and basing my decision to stay aloof and cautious of someone I've been in a relationship with for over 9 years (engaged for over 2 years) on information I've gotten from a forum, perhaps she really does think I've lost my sanity! Today, she even got a little upset with me that I was pushing away a chance to perhaps let a relationship work that if I completely turn away, would have no chance of working.
I've reminded her that her husband (an amazingly wonderful man) is NORMAL and my exN is DISORDERED, she says that she gets that but "wouldn't you rather have someone there to help you than no one at all?"
After today's conversation with her, all I could think was "no one gets this who hasn't been through it". We are encouraged to make NORMAL efforts to nurture a relationship that most if not all of the time backfire on us.
So my question is, does anyone else have a support group that just doesn't understand the first thing about what these guys are like who are confusing the hell out of you?
We dealt with freaks...
It's a small group
Mixed Messages
terri
In a nutshell . . .
terri