Stingy

I'm so glad you're feeling better after your recent shock. I'm feeling a little "tough luv" tonight, so I will tell you that first of all, a stingy narc is different than an exploitive psychopath, which I think you were with. Secondly, the focus should not be on how stingy he was or how he "made" you pay for everything. It should be on why you felt your worth was so low that you agreed to pay for everything. I've been there. And I won't do it again. Anyway, I SO don't mean to be "mean." I just think that we all have to start looking at the things we ALLOWED because it takes us from victim mode to victor mode. Of course, it's a process. BUT, for a laugh, as other on here may know, mine only purchased me gifts from the $.99 Only store. Seriously. How is that for stingy? (Although I have to give him credit for always paying for dinner.) Best to you.

Payed for anything was when he took me to a motel. OMG!! I thought it was one of those pay by the hour dumps. I itched for an ENTIRE week afterwards thinking that I had headlice or bed bugs. lololololo's. It was awful. But I didn't say anything bc at least he was putting in some effort. lol

jesus, are you serious? why would you pay for everything with a millionare? i guess we all pay in our own way... mine i still supporting me, but i payed with my heart and getting beat... don't ever let some guy make you pay for shit again, youre better than that.

I forgot that even though he gets a thousand dollars a month from the state on top of the 150K a year from the county, he drove his foster child forty minutes each morning and afternoon each way to put him in a storefront daycare center in the Chicago ghetto because it was state-funded and the preschool at our Catholic church was a hundred dollars a week. When I say Ghetto I mean GHET-TO. I also forgot that he wears the same clothes every day, too. He has one summer outfit and one winter outfit. I do think it's because it looks "humble" like you guys said. He also put 60 can lights in his living room/kitchen in the new house because "I like light," but he has never turned them on because he's too cheap. He drives to Indiana to buy cheaper cigarettes. He lied and said he worked at the courthouse downtown so he could park in the garage for free. This is a judge who worked on the south side of town and LIED through security so he wouldn't have to pay 20 bucks to park to see a show *I* bought $200 tickets for. The one time he took me to a party, he said, "Drink up, honey, it's free."

seems to be defiantly a trait...mine was tighter then a gnats chaff...lol

mine is stingy and controlling but then suddenly generous. bought his 23 year old son who lives at home with mum and earns a salary a sportscar luxury brand with our saving we cant afford to go to the dentist!!! he is the only one who cant see the ludicrous nature of this. he just says its my money and ill do what i want. its mine not ours is his stock statement. I think if you look at history millionares are often as tight as a ducks end. how do you think they accumulated that money by spending it??? tight and rich often go together. A

She's right; they are stingy about everything because it's all about control. Anything they know you want or need: nope! Anything the know would make you feel happy or secure: nope! And someone else posted yesterday, that they will actuallly give it to someone ELSE just to show you that THEY are in control. Now, that said, here are some stingy things mine did: -Had me over for dinner one time in four years but ate at my house a thousand times--and specified what he wanted, but never outright. I would say, "What would you like for dinner?" and he would say, "Anything." But then I would say, "I'm making pork roast." and he'd say, "Oh, pork." Like it was brains with cheese sauce. No problem eating every scrap of it, though, and drinking a bottle of only the finest vodka at each sitting. Meanwhile, the half dozen times I imposed on him and invited myself over for a drink, we sat on the kitchen counter and he made me vodka with apple juice because that's all he had in the house (for his kid), even though he knew all day I was coming over. Apple juice. Disgusting. It's like the only juice in the whole world that doesn't mix with vodka. There were also a hundred times at least that he was supposed to come to my house and I was OUT of vodka and asked him to pick some up and he never once did it. Always some lame excuse, like "I"m stuck in traffic" or "Eric's sleeping in the back seat." THERE IS A LIQUOR STORE ONE BLOCK FROM OUR HOUSE. The one time he invited me to dinner, I had to buy the food. We never used his car. He said it was a "gas guzzler." So we would go to the gas station with my card and he would wait for me to give him my credit card. This is a multi fucking millionaire, remember. In the same minute that he filled the tank with my money, he asked me if I thought he should buy a Mercedes SUV or a BMW SUV, knowing full well I would never ride in it. He made me blow off my family for Christmas Eve so I could make dinner for him, his brother and their friends who had nowhere else to go. I swear to God I spent $1000 on dinner for 8 people; he did not give me a dime towards it; he brought nothing, not even a bottle of wine, and then he left me with the dishes at midnight. He was back in the morning for breakfast, according to his specifications. He gave his foster child a $200 complete Wii system with a bunch of games for Christmas the first year and my daughter a Hannah Montana Magic 8 Ball, and my other daughter a marshmallow gun. He'd known them 2 1/2 years by then, the foster child two months. His brother gave them nothing, and his other brother's girlfriend gave them each a pair of tights that were each four sizes too big. Four sizes. They gave the foster child a four hundred dollar bicycle. He gave me a card for each of my birthdays, and a pair of clearance shoes for our first Christmas together. He never picks up the check for anything. My brother wanted to go to dinner with us, and the bill was three hundred dollars. The narc paid nothing towards it. Nothing. When I was apalled, after we left, he said, "He invited us, honey." Toward the end, I said, "Ok. If you want to stay together and you are not going to live with me, then you have to start paying some of my bills, otherwise I need to find someone who will." He just looked at me like I had dropped down from Jupiter and said, "Are you crazy?"

They are stingy about everything... not just money. And they are stingy about money for the same reasons, because it's something to hoard and control, not enjoy. Let's see... the AW millionaire had a live-in fulltime nanny/housekeeper/slave and paid her 500 dollars a month. Yes, she got room and board (in an insane asylum), but I can't fathom calling that a salary.

So you'd like some examples of a nacrcissist's stinginess? Here we go. First you should know that his average income would be around 10.000 € a month (13.500 US Dollar), often more. That's not so bad, is it? He used to live on potatoes, pasta and the cheapest stuff there is most of the time. The heating would either be turned off or on low even in icy cold winter, until I said I'd no longer come to see him. His idea of dining out would be a hamburger. The few presents I had were usually something we could use "together"meaning he could hang onto them (I left them there when I left him, so he may use them with somebody else and save some money). His kids and other family got no presents whatsoever, X-mas he ignored anyway. But he'd certainly invest in people who might gain him something - company, when he needed it, business, sex or just admiration for great him. He'd even suck up to his kids' friends this way, never occured to him how ridiculous that was. And of course he would spend thousands on his hobbies. Good thing I noticed early on that he tried to let me pay for his things when shopping by not having enough money in his purse. I put a stop to that right away. Well, I did avoid wasting money. But normally it gives me so much pleasure to buy little treats for others, no way would I do this with him. To have to be so careful in order to avoid being exploited ruined much fun. You know, it's not just money such people are stingy with. In his case it was time, effort and energy he was as mean with, always considering who was worth how much. Extremely calculating, such a turn off and except for short-lived gain it got him nothing but misery and loneliness.