The Illusion of Managing (Or Controlling) a Pathological Person
The Illusion of Managing (Or Controlling) a Pathological Person
I think this would be good reading for today: it is an article by SANDRA BROWN THAT I TAKE NO CREDIT FOR, that I found on a totally different Website than SANDRA BROWN'S.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/narcissist-victims-syndrome-survivor...
This is just an excerpt:
Pathologicals and/or addicts are not managed. Shortening the leash, making demands, watching closer, hiring a P.I. is not managing a person's acting out. Pathology is noted for its inability to grow to any emotional or spiritual depth, the inability to sustain the changes that you have demanded, and the inability to develop insight how their behavior harms others. People with pathological disorders are not managed---not by you, jail, prison, or church. The inability to sustain change means that the pathological will APPEAR to do whatever it takes to stay in the relationship, but the disorder itself means they cannot sustain the change that will please you.
People embrace the truth of pathology when they realize that the idea they are 'managing' the pathological's negative behavior or addictions is simply an illusion. Jails and prisons are packed full of personality disordered and pathological individuals because probation 'management' or 'psychological management' did not work. As they say in 12 steps, 'When nothing changes--nothing changes.' Pathology has an inability to change which means nothing consistently changes in the pathological individual except maybe new 'ideas' about how to con others.
Managing manipulative behavior, drugs or alcohol, porn or sex addictions, infidelity, lying, and conning are an illusion used by the partner in order to 'buy a little more time' to try to figure out how to make the pathological be 'more normal.' In the end, it's your defense mechanisms telling you that by changing your belief system (he can be different, he can do better) that you can 'help them find the resources they need in order to grow into their full potential.' If you're over 30, falling in love with 'potential' is a crap game risk. People not living up to their potential in adulthood are called--pathologically disordered. By adulthood, either you 'have the ability for life skills and success' or you are 'life challenged' by addictions or pathology. In either case, partners need to understand there is no 'managing' someone else's negative and pathological behavior. That is an illusion!
bump
this will make you all laugh!!!
M I N D C O N T R O L....
Mindcontrol
Using spiritual stuff...
If ONLY narcs believed in
Poetic Justice
Whilst the person who wrote
Seriously? $60/hit ??
Some people here are still
Better off . I supose the
No, that's cool! I was just
I think we need to start our own therapy program...
Like Dog the Bounty Hunter?
600 A HIT?
60 not 600
I'm One of THEM
Yeah, there's nothing like
better off
Yes! And a deep sigh, with
Movie of the week
Talking about therapists
What an Insensitive and Victimizing Thing to Say!
With love -- A reality check
Or both
'WTF ever made me think an
almostlydia
almostlydia
I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.
Loving It Morty
I guess I am a pathological then
LOL
I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.