The insane things we believed

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#1 Aug 8 - 1PM
wholeagain
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The insane things we believed

Pulling this from a thread where we're starting to compare notes about the crazy s**t we heard that we believed at the time, even though we knew something wasn't right.

We were talking about how the N would insist that women suddenly just jumped on them, came on to them, or fell in love with them--right out of the clear blue! They were innocent entirely of course.

A few others:

Saw an email from the N to one of his targets, in which he referred to me in passing--we'd been together about 10 years at this point and lived together. Her response? "Who's X, I've never heard you mention her." When called on it, he said "she's full of s**t, I've talked about you tons of times. She just doesn't hear what she doesn't want to hear."

He came home from a biz trip to a city where I knew he was interested in a 19yo girl--a client's babysitter, how cliche is that? He was in his late forties at the time. His credit card bill came in, he opened it in front of me and immediately tore it up and tossed it. Of course I got it out and reconstructed it--what's this, a charge at Victoria's Secret? I confronted him and his answer was:

"I hate hotel rooms and I hate that city, and my room smelled like cigarettes so I was trying to make the room nicer. I was at the mall and got some CANDLES at Victoria's Secret." Then he launched into how hard it is to travel all the time, he hates it, YOU don't have to travel for your job so you don't know how bad it is, yada yada yada (typical evasion tactic).

Lolololol

I have a ton of these. It's therapeutic to look at them now actually.

Aug 13 - 10PM
Susan32
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That he was a philosopher

I REALLY honestly thought my ex-Psych was a philosopher. But how could he, since he couldn't come up with an original idea of his own? He was a scavenger... and to use an animal analogy, like the dire wolf. They were known to devour what remained of what OTHERS had hunted. His whole "meat eaters come down with mad cow disease"--he took that from one of his mentors in graduate school, during his 7 year stay to get a master's. None of his ideas were his own. No wonder he threw fits when students queried him during the Q&A session, and he'd come close to having an angry nervous meltdown.
Aug 14 - 2PM (Reply to #51)
better off
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That's why the internet has

That's why the internet has made so many of these monsters... there is so much to copy and steal and pretend to know!! Mine said, in one of our last conversations, is that the great thing about the internet is that you can control people's perceptions of you. Um, yeah. Like the perception that you are a decent human being instead of an egotistical maniac.
Aug 14 - 5PM (Reply to #53)
Susan32
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Faking it

It makes sense, when one considers how many college students steal essays right off the Internet. My ex-Psych professor's book on Wittgenstein is as likely as winged pigs. It was his delusions of grandeur. Philosophy is his refuge from reality... and I prefer reality. I couldn't even have a substantial philosophical discussion with him... he's THAT shallow. I'd always get frustrated telling him to think for himself. During the D&D, I'd tell him, "Let's not talk about a theoretical teacher and student. I'm talking about you and me. What do you feel about me?" It wasn't just an emotional problem, but an intellectual one. People wrongly glamorize Psychopaths as emotionless, but highly rational/intellectual like Mr. Spock or Data. They're not that way. My ex-P lacked philosophical depth and creativity. His deficits were intellectual along with the emotional.
Aug 14 - 2PM (Reply to #52)
Used
Used's picture

better off

yes or tell you they look like a male model, or brad pitt, and turn out to be bloody quasimodo, and you want people to stop shouting can i have my ball back, when you are out with them.
Aug 13 - 8AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

happydaysahead

"She only gave me a blow job. She really wanted to and I let her." This is exactly the kind of thing mine would say. Reading that sent chills down my spine. I'm so, so very sorry.
Aug 13 - 9AM (Reply to #49)
Used
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happydaysahead

wow, what a guy" how incredibley thoughtfull of him not to say no to her, god, what next with them.
Aug 12 - 9PM
Amazed
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What a line of Crap, candles at VS, heres the biggest lie

When I noticed my exN had 3 key mark scratches horizontallhy on the back of his car on the trunk, I said, whoa, what happened to your car, looks like you got keyed,,,what happened. He told me it was from the buttons of his cargo shorts that scratched on the back of his trunk, because he used to lean against the bumper last summer.
Aug 12 - 9PM
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Not really crazy; just f'ing deluded

After the D&D but still trying to keep me hooked with a classic comment like this: "I think that we're both good people." Uh, yeah, I am. You? Not so much.
Aug 11 - 7PM
Susan32
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The stupidest lie

The stupidest lie I bought from my ex-P professor was that he was a teacher looking out for my own good, and respected me as a student. Oh, and that he had emotions other than fear&anger.
Aug 9 - 1PM
Briseis
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Hell I just bought the

Hell I just bought the stupidest lie of all, he was a normal guy who just wanted a family.
Aug 11 - 10PM (Reply to #26)
M
M's picture

That was my lie too

That was my lie too
Aug 11 - 10PM (Reply to #27)
better off
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He just wanted to love and

He just wanted to love and be loved....
Aug 12 - 8AM (Reply to #42)
helldweller
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lies they told

"I just want a partner, a best friend. Everyone is so selfish, I'm afraid I'll always be alone."
Aug 13 - 7PM (Reply to #43)
better off
better off's picture

More projection... what he

More projection... what he really means is "I'M so selfish, I'll always be alone." But he is the love of his life, so I don't know what he's complaining about! lol They do mean this though, I think. They want someone to BE their best friend, but they don't want to BE a best friend back. They want a one-way street... so why not adopt a kid by yourself and mold him into your little worshipper? Gag! He couldn't have you move in (or anyone else) since a wife might expect to sleep in a bed with him instead of him sleeping with a little boy, a la Michael Jackson.
Aug 13 - 8PM (Reply to #44)
Susan32
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Explains plenty

That explains why my ex-Psych is a professor. He WANTS his students to worship him, to follow him without question... yet how DARE he acknowledge his students' accomplishments, how DARE he respect them. He saw teaching as a way of molding little Mini-Mes. No wonder his primary supply are his students. My ex-Psych gave himself away (so to speak) when after the D&D he said he saw his teaching as a role, that he saw himself as a role instead of a person (that "Narcissism and the False Self" rings so true), and that he didn't respect his students as people. He sees teaching as the ultimate one-way street. Friends, family, they make demands... but students, they're supposed to dutifully do what you say, think what you tell them to think. He wants his students to respect him... but doesn't want to respect them back. How sad.
Aug 11 - 10PM (Reply to #28)
happydaysahead
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Ditto.......

Same here !! Sickening, isn't it ??
Aug 11 - 10PM (Reply to #29)
better off
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Well, he just left out a key

Well, he just left out a key word: He just wanted to love HIMSELF and be loved by HIMSELF. He's probably having a threesome right now with Me, Myself, and I.
Aug 13 - 8PM (Reply to #41)
faithinthefuture
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better off

That made me LMFAO!!! Good One!!!! :-)
Aug 12 - 7PM (Reply to #30)
hitandrun
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better off

You got it! Here are the famous lines from the D&D after telling me the day before how he couldn't wait to make me Mrs. XXXX and was soooooo in love with me. "I can't love you if I can't love myself. I don't know, I just stopped loving you about 2 weeks ago I think, I don't know. I just know it will turn out bad. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'll never be able to make you happy. I don't know why I lied about the money. I just don't know. You made me feel good for a while." "OMG, I am such a bad person"...that's what I thought for awhile after he said the above "I don't know" monologue to me. And the infamous " I was a rudderless ship until I met you. You give me purpose. A reason to grow up." Uh, danger Will Robinson( a reason to grow up?) Oh and let's not forget: "I'm sending you the money." MY A$$! " I don't know." That's what little kids say when caught in a lie. He planned the whole damn thing! So many lies...
Aug 13 - 8AM (Reply to #31)
helldweller
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hitandrun

Ah yes! "I don't know." That was his mantra! Why did you lie about what you had for dinner? "I don't know." Why didn't you tell me about being a foster parent? "I don't know." Why didn't you tell me you were moving? "I don't know." Why did you cheat on me? "I don't know." Oh, boy. So creepy.
Aug 14 - 1AM (Reply to #38)
alma25
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don't know

Why did you do this to me? "I don't know" Why didn't you go with me? "I don't know" Why did you tell me you had to go to work when you didn't? "I don't know" Why did you lie to me? "I don't know" Why did you leave me one more time? "I don't know. I' m a freak. You would like to be with someone else, normal, don't you?" He also loved the word: maybe and you don't believe me, do you? "I was trying so hard but maybe not hard enough. It was our x try but instead of being happy we have only misunderstandings.Maybe we're not meant to be together. Maybe it's not our destiny." Maybe, maybe, maybe....
Aug 14 - 7AM (Reply to #39)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

hitandrun, Susan, alma

Yes, the stopping talking thing. When he stopped taking me with to events, parties, etc, I finally said, "Doesn't anyone ASK where I am?" "Yes," he said. I said, "What do you tell them?" He said, "I pretend I don't hear them." Is that f*cked up or what? He also used to grab head and say, "Honey, PLEASE. STOP. TALKING." This would be in response to my saying, "How was your day?" or something similar.
Aug 14 - 9AM (Reply to #40)
hitandrun
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Trust me

When I first met the Disordered One, he said " Trust me" all the time. I mean to the point my friends and I laughed about it he said it so much. I told him that in sales training, we learned when people say, "Trust me" a lot, it is a sure sign the person is a liar. He stopped saying it immediately. I never heard him say it again.
Aug 13 - 6PM (Reply to #32)
hitandrun
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helldweller...I don't know

OMG...it is creepy. Also when I (and I heard him do it to others as well) asked him a question he did not want to answer he would just stop talking. It was very strange.
Aug 13 - 6PM (Reply to #33)
Susan32
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Same here

My ex-Psych professor would do the same thing... or he'd find some way to shut the conversation down. My classmates and I thought he was going to have a psychotic breakdown during the Q&A session after his lecture.... and since that was freshman year, if he had ended up being hauled away, that would've saved me from the D&D. It was odd. He tended to find questions, in general, VERY DIFFICULT. He'd stonewall, change the subject, go silent, or freak out.
Aug 13 - 6PM (Reply to #34)
hitandrun
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Susan32

He'd stonewall, change the subject, go silent, or freak out. Exact progression! I would call him out on the stonewalling. Then I would call him out on changing the subject. I would call him out on going silent.It was only when I caught him in the huge lie I would not back down and I experienced the freak out. It was frickin' spooky and kind of sad at the same time. I remember being like, WTF? Why would you be embarrassed all over town if I did XXXXX(which was what any logical person would do) ? He was never embarrassed by getting completely drunk, losing his cell all the time, and other irresponsible behavior. He was afraid the person I was going to call would tell his Mommy he lied! This was a 38 year old man! I sent him an email saying he over reacted. He never brought it up again and 4 days later, I was history.
Aug 14 - 12PM (Reply to #35)
loveofmylife
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Same progression

Stonewalling; until I put my foot down and told him I deserved an answer, then Changing the Subject: because he knew there was really no explanation for what he did Go Silent - mine really didn't do this so much - it was part of the stonewalling I guess Freak Out - and yes, when I produced him with factual evidence that showed he was lying to me all along, that was indisputable - he would RAGE!!!!!! And turn it around to be my fault! And he always used to say to me "whenever I tell you what I am doing, you don't believe me. that really pisses me off!" Well, gee...I don't know what to say. I suppose he just wanted me to believe all of his lies even when I had factual evidence to the contrary! Bad me!
Aug 14 - 12PM (Reply to #36)
hitandrun
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loveofmylife

Really crazy,isn't it? I used to be like, "What is up with this?" when it would happen. I mean, I'd never experienced it before. Most people do not act this way. Then again, most people are not narcissists. It really puzzled and confused me. Confusion is part of their game.
Aug 14 - 12PM (Reply to #37)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

The confusion

Yes, I've never been so utterly confused in my whole life about my relationship with someone. And I just chalked it up to circumstances - there are certain things we couldn't talk about, so it made everything confusing. But now that I can factuall see the pattern in his life (the string of relationships in work and personal, the RO with the xwife, the lawsuits in prior business deals) - I can more clearly piece it together to see that it was him and he is a Narc.
Aug 8 - 5PM
Susan32
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Believing 6 absurd things before breakfast

Here are some corkers- 1)His European vacations every summer. He claimed to go the Greek islands, to the Lake District in England, see a friend perform in London in Shakespeare's "Measure for Measure." While I believed it... he was what some would say is the "incompetent psychopath." He made a point of telling students in his classes how stupid I was to believe him... and I happened to be friends with some of these students (one of them is still my friend) 2)Going to Germany to read Wittgenstein's original materials. Wittgenstein was... Austrian. Austria and Germany are both German-speaking countries,however. 3)Oh, that Wittgenstein/Augustine book he was working on. It was supposed to be published when the Class of 2010 were freshmen. That never happened. 4)Being a carpenter in the Sierra Nevada. At the time, he was handsome when he said this... but with his paunch now, I doubt it's going to be wa*k material for girls who swoon over him. If they're swooning over him. It took him 4 years to get a front tire. He was really out of shape. A somatic narc to some extent, but not somatic enough to um.. go to the gym, get on a diet.