Cerebral vs Somatic Narcissist

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Aug 8 - 12PM (Reply to #37)
almostlydia
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wholeagain

I'm sure mine was the sex addict too. We had similar conversation trying to figure out Somatic vs. Sex Addict. It's all so confusing because I'm sure mine was doing the same, chasing, chasing, chasing but then dropping when the moment came. It was all a control game. Then, of course, when I could see all the texts and phone calls he could say I never fu*ked around on you. But then, at the same time he did have his tu/thur/sun regular and his once or twice a week regular that I know he was having sex with. Then some guys name started popping up and I'm sure he was banging them too. Sex Addicts have to get more and more freaky in order to get the same result. So I didn't really ever get it - why all the chasing and then keep the same regulars for years. I know he had an abnormal NEED for blow jobs so maybe with the men it always came with the package. I don't know. Makes my stomach turn to think about it.

almostlydia

Aug 8 - 1PM (Reply to #38)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Women asking for it

And while we're on this topic--YES I would get the story later and inevitably the woman would have: a) just jumped on him (like a monkey?) b) just grabbed him and started kissing him c) just took her top off. Of course things like c) would be when he was out of town and invited a work client up to his hotel room. WTF was she doing up there? I remember calling during that particular incident because I felt really ill and kinda getting the brush off. She was there and evidently he was busy gently telling her that he couldn't do her. After that though he told her that he and I had an open relationship, so in effect he told her that he *could* do her but she wasn't good enough. A few weeks later she called me drunk has hell, and slurred "so Wholeagain, tell me, just between us girls, what's it like having an open relationship?" I told her we didn't, because while we had an unusual arrangement it wasn't a free for all. Or at least it wasn't on my part, guess it was on his. Anyway, it was the ultimate mindf**k because he could brag about his chick magnet abilities while at the same time claiming innocence. What do you do with that??
Aug 8 - 1PM (Reply to #39)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

wholeagain

oh god...it is all part of their need to paint "other woman" as crazy. When you hear stories like this "just took her top off" - it sound some unbelievable. But somehow they say it with such sincerity, you 1/2 way believe it, but know something is off. And it is off! it is all LIES, LIES, LIES! I was shocked to actually read the lies about me. "She just asked me to marry her at my bday lunch and I had no idea she felt that way about me" OMG, WHAT A F***ING LIE! So of course, he accomplishes a few things here 1. lied 100% about me saying this. 2. paints me as crazy 2. shows that he is in high demand by worthy women it is sick! yes, mine is EXACTLY the same way - "he could brag about his chick magnet abilities while at the same time claiming innocense". My claimed such purity. The OW he told this lie to backed off and questioned his role, and then another lie came out "OMG, no role whatsoever, it pains me to think you would even think I could have a role in this" Well, dickhead, it is because she was right. you did have a role in this. You had a MAJOR role in this. She was a smart woman and realized that a normal woman doesn't blurt something like this out of the blue. i mean the fact that these guys think us woman are stupid enough to believe these stories really is an insult to our intelligence.
Aug 8 - 5PM (Reply to #41)
better off
better off's picture

They are experts at

They are experts at triangulation... look, this other great woman wants me... it whets their appetite. I once worked at a garden center for the summer in college, and we had about six of these expensive, exotic trees, but no one would buy one. One day, the boss put a SOLD sign on one of them. I said, oh, who bought one? And he said, nobody, but now people will want them if they think someone else does. They were all sold within a week!
Aug 8 - 5PM (Reply to #40)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Wow... that sounds like my ex-P...

My ex-Psychopath professor did the same thing to me. Tho, being the cerebral type, he wasn't so into the sex part. He wasn't trying to get me into the bedroom. I never saw his apartment. Ever. He acted surprised when, after 4 years, (this was my senior year), I declared my love to him. He tried to paint me as the crazy one. He'd relocate where his evening seminar was located. He told his students that I was "hitting on him" (tho I never said anything sexual) Telling him that I loved him... that did NOT drop out of the blue. Of course, he did the whole "regretful saying no" because I was a student. It was the emotional intimacy I wanted, NOT the sex. And he knew that very well. Of course I was devastated when I saw the OW 3 months later. He did the D&D after I declared my love... and he had drawn me to the point of acting romantically interested. I'm sure he told his curator girlfriend that he had "no idea that this student felt this way about him." Yeah, after 3 years' worth of phone conversations, going to lectures/lunch/concerts, giving the impression to everyone that WE WERE A COUPLE. He did the whole "I'm a victim" thing.
Aug 7 - 5PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Cerebral Psychopath

My mother was a psychology major, and she diagnosed as my ex-P as a psychopath due to his mannerisms, his speech patterns (such as the inability to have complex thoughts), his lack of reflexes&feelings (when he hurt himself). A garden variety Narc (somatic or cerebral) is human compared to a Psych. My ex-P lacked the ability to come up with creative ideas. He was profoundly sick. He enjoyed seeing my emotional pain. He treated my feelings for him of kindness and love with disdain and cruelty. He was a very empty man. Really, he was BORING. Your description of CN targets (and it works well with Ps too) of "smart, hard working, and driven" is incredibly apt. Ps and CNs are attracted to creativity because they lack it in themselves.
Aug 7 - 5PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Cerebral N

Mine was cerebral. A PhD, tenured professor. He had ED issues. I was with mine 3 years. Married him. He often worked late preparing his classes (or so he said). The woman who followed me found a list of websites, in his handwriting, of homo-erotic, anal sex, just below splatter & snuff films pornography. When she confronted him, he said: "I was doing research on human depravity." (Yeah, right. Then why didn't we hear about this amazing research? &, she said, he looked terrified.) Anyhow, re: diagnosis. The woman who followed me, she was a psychiatrist. (No kidding.) SHe confirmed my diagnosis. But, that's how good or slick some of these guys are--they can fool psychiatrists, in the beginning. So what chance does a non-professional have against a psychopath?
Aug 7 - 7AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

First welcome Morty....So

First welcome Morty....So glad your here. I had a somatic posing as a cerebral. In his grandiose gander he thought he was of genius level (actually told me this). Excuse me while i vomit...ok im back. What a joke. this guy had no concept of reality. He was uneducated, could not put 2 sentences together with any structure or meaningful flow, could not spell the word "morning" as in Good Morning, he spelled it "mourning" Ummm? And never once contributed any profound thought or statement in our daily conversations for the entire time i was with him. He was frankly boring and borderline mentally handicap. No mental stimulation at all. But if you ask him, Hes a frken genius. boy they can really build themselves up. A genius in their own minds. I think that it is correct in saying they alternate between the two. This may be very subtle and not easy to catch but the will use what ever tactic works. As far as the label "Narcissist"; I dont feel one ounce of guilt for calling a spade a spade when it is the truth. Its not difficult to see when all the characteristics and traits are laid out for you that the person fits every criteria. There comes a point where you have to get real with yourself. I know if i didnt live through the nightmare with my Narc, i would never be able to come to this board and understand one thing anyone is talking about. We all speak the same language here, theres a reason for that....xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 7 - 7PM (Reply to #29)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Thanks Betty

Thanks for the welcome Betty. You rock! ;-)
Aug 7 - 5AM
Jazzman1
Jazzman1's picture

They can switch between the two

Sam Vaknin says that one type or the other (cerebral or somatic) will be dominant, but a narcissist can and will switch between the two. He has a video on his website explaining the difference: http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismvideos.html My N is cerebral, but he definitely has to have sexual conquests to feed his addiction. External appearances are the be-all, end-all for him: his looks, his sports car, his houses, his investments, a beautiful woman on his arm, but his favorite attribute is his mind. He has announced to me on several occasions, "I am the smartest son-of-a-b_____ on the planet." I am his ex-fiance and I have spoken to his third ex-wife about his sexual problems. He is not great in the bedroom, but he blames it on the woman. He has tremendous difficulty with E.D. It has been a good thing for me to communicate with the third ex-wife, because he made me think his problems were because of me.
Aug 7 - 7AM (Reply to #26)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

E.D.

During our first time together, my N's sexual performance was mediocre and he had ED - this after having abstained from sex for 18 months while he lived in his cerebral cave. After that first time, his sexual performance improved but it was mainly my doing (I was a lot more creative than him even though he outwardly exudes a dark, mysterious musician/artist mask). He was actually pretty dull but because I was the true artist in bed, tee hee) he "went along for the ride" (a favorite phrase of his - as if I'm an f'ing Ferris Wheel), our sexual relationship was very satisfying for me. He did have ED about 50% of the time but wasn't hung up on it and liked cuddling as much as the act itself (which of course only made me love him and his tender/cuddly persona even more). Interesting to me how many of us have experienced N partners who have ED. I know that other ladies have posted that their partners' ED was because they were spent after having sex with multiple partners at the same time (behind our ladies backs). But I honestly believe (probably as a defense mechanism!) that my N was exclusive with me during the four months we were together intimately. He is a serial monogamist - I was his tenth failed serious relationship (including one failed engagement and one failed marriage) and I really believe he picks his target through intellectual conquest, then gets all hot and bothered and does the sexual conquest thing, then does the D&D and hides back in his snake-hole for many months or even years, only to start the cycle again. He actually described this process to me. The ED, I'm sure, is related not only to his immature ability to be intimate but also the 20 cups of coffee per day, 2 packs of cigarettes, and nightly use of marijuana don't help. Writing this - I'm saying to myself "WTF were you thinking!?!". I don't do drugs, smoke and live a very healthy lifestyle. But that was part of the allure. Too bad it was all a mask.
Aug 7 - 1PM (Reply to #27)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Serial Monogomist

Same here. Mine at first is cerebral...he actually is brilliant...but he has to have the sexual conquests to keep life interesting. Probably at least a dozen failed serious relationships. But he never hides in a snake hole - all of the relationships overlap. To the extent that he told me that he was talking marriage and kids to his 6 month relationship, he felt "that way" about here and really liked her alot, and then wow, three weeks later he went to Hawaii with his kids with someone else! How did that happen! I can't even comprehend it in my mind.
Aug 7 - 6AM (Reply to #20)
Jazzman1
Jazzman1's picture

Forced to make the diagnosis ourselves

I forgot to add - We are forced to diagnose the narcissist, because a narcissist will almost never seek psychiatric help. He thinks he is perfect - it is you and the rest of the world that has problems. If you don't identify him as a narcissist and read everything you can to understand the disorder, you will remain stuck (wondering what you did wrong, wondering if he will come back, thinking he must still have feelings for you (how could he not after he told you he never knew anyone as wonderful as you existed)). As I mentioned, I have spoken with my N's third ex-wife for many hours on the phone. It had been 7 years since the N had dropped her for me. The first time I spoke with her (and apologized), she was still reeling from the pain and wondering what she did to cause him to leave her. She has not even been on a date. She said she could barely function for years. That was almost more terrifying to me than the N himself, to think that I might lose even more years of my life to this insanity.
Aug 7 - 7AM (Reply to #21)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Diagnosis

Jazzman - thanks, that's makes so much sense. You are right. Once again - you've listed another example of the same words that they all use. So freaking eery. "I've never met anyone before who thinks like I do. My ex-wife understands me because she's a smart chick, but no one else has ever understood me AND thinks like me like you do." This was after the D&D when he was still trying desperately to convince me that being his "best friend" was in my best interest. Another favorite phrase was "smart chick" as if the baseline assumption is that we're all dumb and when you find an intelligent one, you should be surprised and compliment her by referring to her as an intelligent baby chicken. F'in a$$hole!!!!
Aug 7 - 1PM (Reply to #22)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Morty - oh god

same stuff here...he said "once we took our myers briggs test together (this was on a company retreat 20 years ago), i realized just how much we are alike and how much we think the same, and how we operate in the same manner....and I was just thinking to myself - 'why in the hell am i with (xwife)'. Of course making me think that I am THE ONE because we are SOULMATES! And yes, after DD started trying to convince me that we should maintain a relationship. My brain exploded trying to understand why he would ever want to maintain a relationship after he had already betrayed me, disrespected me, etc, etc. But I think what people have said here...negative attention is just as good as positive - it validates that they exist and it gives them someone to control. He knew he had absolute control over me. My N's favorite endearing word was "gem". Many years of our relationship was one on one - and he would lock eyes with me and say something like "you are a gem!" and have that lovey dovey look in his eyes. Again, like I was THE ONE for him... Until later when we started working together and we would both meet someone for the first time that he was impressed with and when that person left the room he would turn to me and say "she is really a gem!" with that same smiley/happy look on his face. This is when I first realized that everyone is the same to them....it is the wierdest sensation when you realize this.
Aug 7 - 7PM (Reply to #23)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Myers Briggs / GEM

I can't even say Oh My God because I am completely flabberghasted. Myers-Briggs!?! Gem!?! BOY do those two things sound familiar. I think we were with the same person. My LinkedIn recommendation from him (until I deleted it) said "[My Name] is a GEM." And Myers-Briggs - our similar results (who knows if they really were) gave him further ammunition to target me. We never actually shared the results, other than the letters, but he said "I'm convinced if we took the test today, we'd both have the same exact results."
Aug 7 - 8PM (Reply to #25)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Morty

So give me a bit more details on yours? Age? Kids?
Aug 7 - 8PM (Reply to #24)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

OMG - Myers briggs

And yes, we both encountered them at work...maybe they are the same...major, major Cerebral narcissist who goes after sex (turns somatic) when he is short on supply. Mine told me the Myers Briggs story about 15 years or so after it happened. That it was burned into his brain how similar we were. And I do remember sitting next to him that day and sharing our results and so many of our answers and the way we approached life was similar. And our bdays are 7 days apart - which he brought up. Well, I actually had the records from teh retreat and looked at them 15 years later and our results were slightly different. I was INFJ He was INTJ - he has no feeelings!
Aug 7 - 2AM
gingercat
gingercat's picture

I was totally taken in by

I was totally taken in by the cerebral N and have wasted 13 precious years of my life trying to get out. Since meeting my N I am down to exactly one close friend but had enjoyed a wonderful array of friendships in my younger years. They slowly disappeared among the crazy confusion of trying to survive with this sick companion. My remaining friend is married to another terribly affected N and we have been able to move forward by literally tying lifelines to each other while we navigate to our freedom. She has been my rock and we are constantly amazed at the similarities in the N's behavior right down to the words they use. They never communicate and hardly know each other making it especially creepy how they use the same weird phrases, etc. It has been amazingly validating to join the website and see that there are so many of us living in this nightmare. So....My escape has been planned as carefully as I could manage it with lots of personal sidetracks (seriously ill family members which the N tried to use to his advantage in justifying missing work, etc., even though he was completely uninvolved). I went as close to NC as I could while still living in the same house because he takes every shred of information from any kind of conversation and uses the knowledge to mentally torture me. I was down to discussing the weather but at least had some peace and time to plan. I know he was supply searching at the temporary jobs he has managed to pull down asking me questions like, "What is it like to wear a skirt?" He elaborated by commenting on how uncomfortable they looked or some such stupid statement. This one came out of his mouth while I was driving him to the bus for his commute. He had lots of young women in his office and I can just imagine how they felt with this almost 60 year old temp worker staring at them. Next he latched on to the 'artist' neighbor and I knew he was getting supply when he all of a sudden raced out of the car to walk our dogs after seeing her head up the road. It was disgusting to witness. I got to carry in the groceries. Tonight he was in what I call Narc heaven when she walked by as we were pulling into the drive and he was able to introduce me and then proceed to play the exchange in the sick way they have of acting so charming. She was one of his 'classic' targets in a sweaty tight top and all effusive over seeing an eagle on the beach and I realized he had been working her over (she has a nice husband) about his love of wildlife, outdoors, etc., by the way she responded to him. He is fat and lazy and would probably have a coronary if he ever tried to do anything other than to talk about the outdoors. While I was out of town with family he must have really 'enjoyed' those dog walks! This is where it gets really sickening and why i am so desparate to get out....Our son came out of the house to greet us and meet this woman's dog. Probably because he had been hearing his father speak about them so much and I will be damned if he didn't insult our son in front of her by admonishing him about making eye contact with her skittish little mutt. It was so condescending as our son is perfectly well-behaved around strange dogs and was doing everything right to put the little animal at ease while his father preened his peacock feathers. I wanted to puke. Just before we had this little driveway drama so characteristic of the N I had been explaining to him that I had been offered a position and had found a good school for our son in a very distant city. I wish I could've just packed up and left without telling him but when you are so deeply stuck and living in such dissonance the best I could do was set up all the logisitcs and leave only a few days of time for him to try and wreck it. So here I am writing this to try and convey to any of you that the older N is just as bad or maybe worse than the younger ones and that a cerebral N will play with your mind until there is little left to remind you of the person you once were. If you have children I guarantee they will beg to get out as soon as they are old enough to recognize the abuse. That is what my son has done and why I had to summon the courage to try. Knowing how mixed up our lives were I had managed quite a few 'breaks' from the N by attending school or taking our son to adventures, etc., but the N became better and better at somehow managing to join us and destroy the whole thing only to abandon us after he had mismanaged his time and ours until no one knew which end was up. I always had to pick up the pieces. Fortunately I have finally stopped being even remotely effected by his displays to women neighbors or his co-workers. I used to panic and even stopped going places for fear he would find someone else. What a complete fool I was. Now I just wish he would find anyone or anything to latch onto for supply and leave us alone. Without this website and my one true friend to support me I am sure I could not have gotten this far and I still don't know if I can pull this off but I am going to try and try and try until he is just an ugly memory.
Aug 7 - 7AM (Reply to #15)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

You can absolutely pull this off

Gingercat - you can absolutely pull this off. By what you've written - you know exactly what you need to do and how to do it. And it sounds like you have a very loving, supportive relationship with your son who I'll bet will be your ally. You wrote "we are constantly amazed at the similarities in the N's behavior right down to the words they use." This has been the most striking part of reading the posts on this site for me - all of the same words as if there's a common script that they're all reading. I guess the real point is that what they say IS all scripted. Every single word and action is part of a master plan to pull people close, suck them dry, and then discard them because at their core is a deep, abiding, unbreakable discomfort with THEMSELVES. When I read what you wrote, "He is fat and lazy and would probably have a coronary if he ever tried to do anything other than to talk about the outdoors," I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Classic! You said, "So here I am writing this to try and convey to any of you that the older N is just as bad or maybe worse than the younger ones and that a cerebral N will play with your mind until there is little left to remind you of the person you once were." This reinforces for me why I was actually done a favor to be D&Dd after only four months before things got unrecoverably bad. As painful as it's been, the biggest favor he ever did for me was dump me when he did. Gingercat - YOU CAN do it!!! Good luck - you go girl. You WILL succeed. PS - I know four months sounds like a short time but our actual relationship (professional, close friends, then intimate) lasted 6 years. Oh yeah - another striking this is how many of us successful women have been had by vampires with whom our relationships began as *professional* ones. Thank God my career wasn't ruined by N, but it could have been.
Aug 7 - 10AM (Reply to #16)
gingercat
gingercat's picture

Thanks Morty! Iam going to

Thanks Morty! Iam going to pull this off because I not only have my son but my BF and I have made an effort to reach out to my family after he had alienated me from almost all of them. They have been incredible for me by allowing me to deposit $$ in their accounts and then use their cards to charge travel for job interviews, etc. He tracks the expenditures and keeps control over me that way but can't pay even one of his own bills on time! It really took some strength to get this far and I am not there yet judging by the look on his face this morning. I have seen that look before and know it is related to his abject fear of abandoment. I am no longer going to be someones sad and distorted psyches 'backbone'. It has almost ruined me. So wish me luck as the next couple of days progress because he will pull out all the deep dark mind screwing crap he has perfected for his entire life and I must keep busy and float above it. This fourm is going to hold me together!
Aug 7 - 7PM (Reply to #18)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Truth will out!

Fight the good fight. Evil destroys itself. You're going to WIN. Be EPIC WIN.
Aug 7 - 7PM (Reply to #17)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Wishing you Good Luck Gingercat over these next few days

You WILL prevail.
Aug 6 - 9PM
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Hi Morty

Welcome aboard. Yup I know the cerebrals real well. I had a somatic, then went for a cerebral because I thought I had found a different kind of man. Sorry to say it was a different type of the same bucket of 'shite'. First off I kept rejecting the idea that he was an N because he did not fit the somatic version, and that seems to be the more common type. Actually for me a somatic is so obvious in their super smooth good looking way that they usually leave me feeling sick when I meet them. Not so the cerebral. It is a different kettle of fish, though each type can swing between the two versions when it is required. As for the diagnosing issue, I think we all pretty much go through it, and we are not people who like to label others. It is one of our characteristics that traps us in the first place. I printed out about four pages of N characteristics, and I thought that I would be fair to only highlight those that fit. Needless to say there were only a very few that were not highlighted, the pages were yellow. Because of the ones I could not pinpoint, I rejected the notion that he could be an N, and that he only had a few characteristics. Those non highlighted traits have now been filled in. Its all part of the process of coming to terms with what an N really is. Master mind F*^ker is exactly what a cerebral is.

Nevergoback

Aug 7 - 4PM (Reply to #12)
Capricorn5
Capricorn5's picture

Hi Morty, I'm new too

and this is my first posting, and have to "ditto" everything NancyM posted. I have been married to a cerebral N for 7 years and feel like I have been abducted by an alien. He certainly looked, spoke and moved like a human, but is quite the contrary! My cerebral N is very intelligent, has multiple degrees but knows nothing of people or life. He can barely keep a job because he is always smarter and more deservng than his boss. He works from home (ha!)and spends most of his time ruling the world from his lazy-A*#! recliner that he rarely leaves except to pour his next beer. He is overweight, has bad teeth and doesn't even like to shower. I seriously doubt he could even pull off a sexual encounter with a toad. I'm more convinced he is gay (latent homosexuality is a characteristic) and is in denial of it.(Or isn't which explains the anger and rage he carries. The sex has been almost non-existent since the day we married and none at all for the past 2 years) He thinks all women are "hags and bitches" but of course whenever we are out in public he attempts to be smooth and charming. However, I've noticed most women don't buy into it and are turned off right away. It really is pathetic and sad. I used to feel guilty about labeling him a N, and even more so for labeling him gay, but when the signs became so real and obvious I felt like it was heaven opening up and my chance to escape the mothership and head back down to earth. I hope that my family and friends who have since left will welcome me back. I do miss them terribly but most of all miss the woman I used to know and love "pre-abduction".
Aug 10 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
nonnie
nonnie's picture

First Laugh in Two Weeks!

Omg, Capricorn5. First real laugh I've had in a couple of weeks! "He is overweight, has bad teeth and doesn't even like to shower. I seriously doubt he could even pull off a sexual encounter with a toad." I needed that!
Aug 7 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Cerebral doesn't make you sick which is why they're so DANGEROUS

Nancy - totally. My cerebral was the exact opposite of the classic flashy, overtly successful/sexy suave N. He exuded a dark, complex, loner, musician, artistic and seemingly super-empathetic and supportive persona which made him so much more dangerous to me. In my eyes, a somatic, can be seen from a mile a way and I personally don't find them at all attractive. A cerebral is staring you right in the face only you have no clue what it is that's staring at you until it's too late. OMG - your highlighting story could have been written by me. And the same - the ones that I didn't highlight ... after I journaled and really thought about what had happened, even the non-highlighted stuff was true. You said it really well about filling those characteristics in.
Aug 6 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
tigger73
tigger73's picture

My ex NH is a somatic N and

My ex NH is a somatic N and his brother is a cerebral N. Oh, I almost forgot, the middle brother is just stupid. More towards the somatic narc. That was rude of me....sorry. My ex brother in law is so much a cerebral N that it is creepy. Since I have been reading everything I can get my hands onto about this personality disorder, I learned about the differences in S and C narcs. The titles fit perfectly. I have battled the guilt thing with 'diagnosing' them, but in order for me to educate and understand something, I have to read about it and drill it into my head, and my ex nh fits all the narc quizzes, every blank is filled, and sometimes it hits me so hard that i have a hard time taking a deep breath. The descriptions fit so perfectly that it is almost sickening. And you are right, the cerebral n is a total and complete mind f----- beyond compare. That's my brother in law and like I said, he is just plain creepy.
Aug 7 - 7AM (Reply to #10)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Narc quizzes

I've taken those quizzes and they've sometimes hit me so hard that I've literally burst out crying - for myself, for him and for his past and future victims. And for his parents, who made him what he is.
Aug 7 - 4AM (Reply to #3)
RandomGal
RandomGal's picture

I do feel guilty about

I do feel guilty about trying to diagnose my Ex's but it really helps with trying to sort out the headf**k. I was with a somatic N for about 6 months and I am day 7 NC. My husband I left 2 years ago, I think he is a borderline rather than narc, although he does have many cerebral narc traits and this is why this site helps me so much. They do all tend to overlap in certain areas though don't they? I read somewhere that a cerebral N can go through a somatic N phase after major life events i.e. being left by old supply and whilst on the hunt for NS.