Self-abandonment

I have mentioned in previous posts that I have no doubt that N's & P's are capable of working their way into the psyches of even the most secure and stable folk and affecting them and throwing them off balance. However, it is my belief that N's and P's are even more adept at sniffing out a 'victim' because they are easier prey, easier to work over because the ground work has already been done for them long before by a dysfunctional upbringing - N's are lazy, that's why they have an antenna for the emotionally wounded even if those wounds are hidden well under an exteria of confidence and competancy.

I try not to use the 'V' word or worse the 'C'word - they are loaded words and can cause negative reactions. From my own experience I see myself as someone who suffered childhood trauma; a strong survivor who operated just fine in the world until it came to romantic personal relationships. Then, each time I would manage to get involved with someone who ultimately (after the honeymoon phase) did not value me and would emotionally neglect me. My childhood conditioning had been to learn to accept this kind of behaviour as 'normal' and that was the best I could expect. This unconcious belief kept me in unhealthy relationships way too long, long enough for an N type to really get his hooks in deep.

I have since come to realise that I developed a lot of adaptive behaviours to survive my traumatic childhood and these have not served me well in my subsequent relationships - I was indeed a magnet for N's, ASPD's and PD types in general and through my 20's and 30's I struggled to become a more assertive person. My last love was AvPd (Avoidant PD)- a good man but nevertheless still emotionally distant and neglectful of our relationship. This is when it first dawned on me that throughout my life I had been self-abandoning.

Since then (around 2 years) I've been more into self focus and my own recovery since and I have to say, that by learning to love myself and self-nurture, there has been some major improvements - and not an N in sight!

I read this interesting article recently, written by a lady called Susan Elliot, she runs a blog called 'Getting Past your Past'. It sums up self-abandonment pretty well:-

http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2010/07/24/letting-your-light-s...