Been awhile since I was here....I took him back.
Been awhile since I was here....I took him back.
Hello,
It's been a few months since I joined and shared my story. I stayed strong for awhile, then got suckered back in by my ex-N. He apologized and begged and promised to get counseling. I believed him. We had an incredible first three weeks, then my dog, Cagney ~ who is like my child, became very ill. We found out he was in end stage kidney failure. My world came crashing down. Ex-N was so supportive and kind, going with me to specialist vet appointments and promising to be there for us. It all seemed so genuine and for the most part, he was there for us. None of the specialists can tell me when "the time" will be for my precious baby. For three weeks now I have been watching him go through this horrible process and the toll it's taking on his body, physically and psychologically. I'm trying to hold it together for him and also be cognizant of when the time might be to do the humane thing and end his suffering.
Last Saturday morning, we (me, Cagney and ex-N) slept in and snuggled in bed until about noon. Then, ex-N said as much as he didn't want to go, he had to go and put in at least a few hours at work. We would get back together in the evening. I sent him a friendly text at 4:30PM to see how his day was going and to see what time he planned to come back over to hang with us. No response....I called at 6:50PM....left a message and no response. Sent another text at 7:30 saying I was worried and to please let me know everything was okay with him and no responce. Called again at 9PM, voice mail again and left a message. I called the local hospitals and police departments at 9:30PM and we had not been in any accidents and was not in the hospital. 10:30, I drove to his house, he was not there. Texted again, no response. Called again at 11:20 frantic and crying...left message and no response. Drove back to his house at midnight, still not home. Called again at 12:15AM and voice mail again. At 1AM I get this TEXT message from him, not even a call...
"Just woke up. Fell asleep at the beach."
I picked up the phone and called him immediately and it went to voice mail. Texted him and asked him to please call me, no response. Waited a half hour then sent him a text telling him what a piece of shit I thought he was and that his lying ass was just no better than the abusive parents he blames all of issues on. No response.
At 9:30AM Sunday, I get this text message, again, no call.
"Have you lost your mind? I'm at a loss for words. I go to the beach and I'm a bad guy? Good luck to you. Goodbye."
I texted back asking why he didn't call me Saturday and his response was:
"I fell back to sleep after I texted you at 1AM. We were drinking at the beach all day and I fell asleep in the sun."
I responded with some choice words and all communication ceased.
I'm so confused and hurt, even a week later. And not so much for myself, but he promised to be there for me AND Cagney during this time. What if Cagney had gone into cardiac arrest while he was MIA? I had no way to get in touch with him. He left me alone to potentially deal with the most horrible thing in my life all alone....the loss of my precious boy.
He's now claiming I didn't give him a chance to explain himself and he doesn't even see the point now. Am I missing something here? If you are supposedly in a relationship with someone going through something so horrible as what I am, you don't go off to the beach and get so drunk that you pass out and aren't reachable, do you? How can he think that behavior is ok and that there is any explanantion he could give me that would make it ok?
My mind keeps spinning....I keep trying to rationalize all of this at the same time I'm watching my baby die. My energy and focus should be solely on Cagney right now and somehow, I cannot let go of what the ex-N did to us. I'm trying to hard to live in the moment because my moments with Cagney are so limited at this time. He could pass at any moment. He deserves my full attention, yet I can't get what ex-N did out of my head. It is consuming me.
We are now on day 2 of NC and I feel like I'm dying inside. The betrayal is almost more than I can bear because he not only did it to me, but my boy too. He sat on the floor on the Friday night before this latest incident and held Cagney's face in his hands and cried, telling him how sorry he was that he was sick and that there was nothing he could do to help him. I get disgusted thinking about it. Literally sick to my stomach. How could he do this to us at this time? I feel like I want to die.....
Cagney
Sounds familiar
chickie
smileyfacepr
Wondering about why the
The question on age
smileyfacepr
So, what I'm reading is not
awayfrom him!!
smileyfacepr
Age is not a factor
amy
smileyfacepr
I agree to an extent
amy
smileyfacepr
Totally!
AMY
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And I am only 21 and am
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Rainbow1
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Thank you everyone.
u will
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chickie
First of all, I am really
Been there...sort of
Chickie
I'm so sorry you've been
I am so sorry that he
I think that's what hurts the most.
Don't knock yourself
My priority is Cag
Using therapists
Hi Chickie
Nevergoback
You are right
Oh honey i feel so bad that
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)