Let's make fun of them

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#1 Jul 14 - 11PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Let's make fun of them

I was thinking about things he said that make me chuckle.

You know we go out of our way for them ALL THE TIME and give give give....but they do one tiny little thing and they think they deserve a Humanitarian Award...

He told me when we broke up:

" I am going to miss making you coffee in the morning.....even though I made it for myself too, it was mostly just for you" lol. uh huh. i'm sure he's still making coffee with me not around

"I hope you enjoy that box of tea I got you...I had to climb to the top shelf to get it".....yeah, I asked him to grab it for me when he was already at the store....and climb the top shelf?? LOL, he's 6'1.

When we were together:

" I hope you enjoy those flowers, they were really expensive"

" I am kinda broke this month, all the money I spent for your birthday"

They really do think they are special.

Jul 31 - 9AM
janine
janine's picture

helldweller

Yes,indeed,he re-used his plastic bags until they tore apart. Same as any plastic cup,plate and whatever they give you at a take-away or supermarket. Well,my dear,he PAID for those things,didn't he,so they must be used until they break (same as people - thanks God I did not).
Jul 30 - 7PM
newbiewho
newbiewho's picture

hi

hi
Jul 30 - 4PM
janine
janine's picture

More about paper bags

Love those stories,so funny. The one about the paper bags reminded me of an incident with my ex-N. The cleaning company had sent over a new cleaner to his flat one day. When she left he went over to the dustbin and states,shocked,with horror:"She has changed the plastic bag!(He uses them until they tear).I'll ring them,I won't ever have her again."Need I mention stingy him earns about 15 times an hour what a cleaner makes? And another thing to make you smile. I had had to move 1000 miles away from home. Here I meet that man. After a few weeks of knowing him I mention,how I miss my home and friends and wished I was still living there. He gives me a puzzled look and says:"But then you would never have met ME!!!"Note please,not "We would not have met" or "I would not have met you." I should have been so lucky.....
Jul 30 - 6PM (Reply to #46)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

janine

Ok. wait a minute. He REUSED his plastic garbage bags?
Jul 30 - 11AM
venuslovedpluto
venuslovedpluto's picture

Let me help you...

I was having a problem with my car, the clock and the light for my dash panel weren't working. I thought it was a fuse but wasn't sure how to look or what to do. The Narc & I had been butting heads a bit...I told him about it but hadn't been wanting to see him so I didn't ask him to look at it for me or anything. He offered though and was so pushy about it that I finally relented. He arrived after work and immediately tried to get on me. I was like...wtf? Told him; "Hey...thought you were here to look at my car" and laughed...tried to be light about it. He said; "Of course I am but I've missed you! Don't you want me too?" I said; "Maybe...but what I really want right now is for my car to be okay". He grabbed my tool kit and hustled outside, tore the panel off the inside of the passenger door, found a fuse and declared it intact. Said; "looks like you're gonna have to take it somewhere...let's go in". I refused and started poking around in the little fuse box. He was acting like everything was fine but man oh man...I could feel anger radiating from him. Like, real anger. It freaked me out. He left as soon as he realized I wasn't going to sleep with him & was a dick to me for the next week. In his typical passive aggressive way. Like yawning when I'd be in the middle of telling him something on the phone. Speaking in a flip, snotty tone. Making little comments that let me know what he thought without saying it straight out. Gee I miss that stuff sooooo much. Not!!!
Jul 29 - 11AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Forgot this one

The one night he almost stayed the whole night he was obviously having a terrible nightmare and I woke him up, saying "Honey are you ok?" He held onto me for dear life and said, "I was in Vegas and I couldn't find the pool."
Jul 31 - 12AM (Reply to #43)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

helldweller

gotta give that one top billing. We couldn't make this stuff up if we tried. LMAO!

almostlydia

Jul 29 - 11AM (Reply to #42)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

LMFAO

Oh the horror! :)
Jul 29 - 7AM
Aliveagain
Aliveagain's picture

"No-one trusts you, people

"No-one trusts you, people don't like you, everyone plays you, even your so-called mate? Yeah, he plays you".... I could only spot one player and I was staring right at him. When he went away: "Missing me?" When I NC'd him: "I miss you flirting with me, intellectually stimulating me and caring about me".
Jul 28 - 3PM
MelloMix
MelloMix's picture

I'm ready, honey

After nine years together I hinted it was time we tied the knot. He said, 'I'm not ready yet.' I said, 'That's fine - I'm moving into the spare room until you are.' After 3 days days he said, 'I'm ready now.' Doh! - I should have run and never looked back.
Jul 28 - 10PM (Reply to #39)
broken23
broken23's picture

oh my god this is sooo

oh my god this is sooo funny. thanks i need this one...
Jul 28 - 2PM
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

LMFAO

I have laughed so hard..u have no idea..this was great! Thank u all and continue this PALEEZEEE!!! When I think of 1 ill be back to post!!! xoxox to all

smileyfacepr

Jul 28 - 2PM (Reply to #37)
Used
Used's picture

lol

you are nothing without me, you couldnt live without me.[ i can mate]. noone else would want you,[they did].dont you blink a lot, you need a shrink to talk about those rages[i got one he said leave him lol] noone else would put up with you[they would] the list is endless, what a cunning coniving bastard, i pity the poor woman he is with now, funny though i can say in all honesty i havent missed him once, and when i told him to go i was ruthless, i told him he had a month 3 weeks down the line i told him he had to go,and i was relentless i went on and on and on[he always said i did haha.i never took him back again .14 years october i have been away from that lowlife. yak, sorry i have rambled on.
Jul 15 - 5PM
drivencrazyinflorida
drivencrazyinflorida's picture

The jewels he bought for me!!

He really bought me expensive jewelry, big diamonds, etc., because he wanted other people to think he was rich! Well, I'm selling those to the highest bidder to pay for the divorce. If he knew what I was up to, he would lose what little mind he has. Sweet.
Jul 28 - 10PM (Reply to #33)
narcdx3
narcdx3's picture

Diamonds

Like an idiot I married my Narc twice--divorced after he cheated stayed gone for 3 years then fell into his trap again. Both time he bought me a big diamond. The first one was really pretty and of high quality. He tried to get it the entire time we were getting a divorce---as soon as the judge said final I sold that baby. OOOO he was mad!! When we got back together and he bought this 1 he said "I put it in my mamas name so you can't sell it" HaHa your so funny!!! So when I had all of him I could take and filed I knew the ring would be an issue but I just pulled it off and hid it. We have a daughter and I couldn't sell it cause she may want the diamond some day---help her soul. But he actually asked if the judge would make me sell it and put the money in an account for the kids. Ha he couldn't get funnier. My attn was like is this dude for real. During the entire mediation process those words kept coming out of my attns mouth. Its funny how just in 2 hours they had him nailed and i married him twice. But yes the diamonds were to make ppl say, oh he must really love you. Yeah he loved attention!!!
Jul 28 - 11PM (Reply to #35)
Amy
Amy's picture

HAHA!

I have a huge rock that I am trying to finalize selling this week! NOTHING about that diamond was about me. It said, according to him (and I quote) "this bitch is taken". Sooooo romantic! LMAO!
Jul 28 - 10PM (Reply to #34)
M
M's picture

diamonds

I redid my wedding ring. It's a fabulous right-hand ring now! More beautiful than ever. I don't think he's even noticed it..but then again I don't let him get that close.
Jul 15 - 5PM
gettingbetter
gettingbetter's picture

"Valentine's Week!"

He sent me flowers once a year. Valentine's Day flowers would come a week before the holiday. He would practically hop up and down with joy telling me how he sent me flowers for "Valentine's Week." Reason he was so joyful? They cost a lot less the week before the holiday. Makes me cringe how I fell for this and other cons by him.
Jul 28 - 2PM (Reply to #31)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

One Valentine's Day I

One Valentine's Day I couldn't figure out why he gave me 2 different colored and separate bunches of roses (still in the cellophane from Publix of course). The colors wouldn't even go together. Some time later I realized the other dozen had been for one of his OW's and for some reason he decided against giving them to her. When I started seeing an old friend from HS on a fluke during one of our 'final' breakups, and he found out and knew he was here for the weekend, there was the biggest vase of beautiful flowers and a teddy bear professionally 'delivered' to my door. I took a butcher knife (yes, I know) to the teddy bear then gave it to my dog to take to the back yard. I think he saved it to show people how crazy I was.

almostlydia

Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #29)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Gettingbetter

Gross. Even worse than mine not ever giving me any just because I asked for them. Gross. Gross. Gross. I'm so sorry!
Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #30)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

right

I received a nice break up Valentine's day 2009 and for 2010 I received a visit at 10pm with a potted tulip plant that you would give your mother. He gave it to me and quickly left. Very romantic memory for me. All Holiday's with him were a nightmare!
Jul 15 - 4PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Oh yeah, its all coming back to me now...

After the final breakup, He would make it a point to sit in front of my desk (we worked at the same company for a time)and chat with his "friends" on the cellphone about all of the cool things they were going to do that weekend, the parties, the trips planned, etc. I guess he thought I was alone in the world and had no life without him.....NOT! -participated in a "drag race", basically a parade of men dressed up like women at an outdoor event, put on as a contest just for kicks. Of course, being the abnormal person he is he was WAY too into it and got "jealous" of the other guys that "looked better"...LOL -having the nerve to ask me to be his roomate after we broke up, and offering me the bedroom right next to the one he shared with his new girlfriend. I moved out into my own place. I guess he thought I still needed him. as memory permits, more to come...stay tuned, this is fun!!!
Jul 15 - 4PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Here's some good ones for ya.....

Here are some of the things he told me: "All of my childhood and adolescenct I actually believed I was an elf." (He's a D&D roleplayer, and apparently this kind of elf he is reffereing to is a race of tall, slender, beautiful, intelligent, and magical creatures)-one of my favorites. "I have ALWAYS loved you!" (right after he dumped me for the girl he cheated with, and he had fake tears in his eyes, to boot) " I knew you would turn evil!" (after I decided to grow a backbone and refused to let her in to our apartment to help him retrieve some of his clothes) Oh, the list goes on and on.....maybe I will think of a few others and add them, if they aren't completely blocked out of my memory by now..... To call him a freak would be an insult to freaks everywhere....
Jul 30 - 7PM (Reply to #26)
Kelly
Kelly's picture

I knew you would turn evil . . .

Ha Such a random thing, but it's really a problem for me. Talk about hitting it on the head. If you have a backbone - if you stand up for yourself in anyway - - you are "evil." You are a "Bi#$@" Well . . . if that is so, I'm about to become one of the biggest evil B@$%$'s a guy could ever hope to meet!
Jul 28 - 5PM (Reply to #24)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

LMFAO

OMG, way too funny, I can't stop laughing. Mine was the joke of my entire household, there were so many freakish things. After D&D I called him a freak, devil boy, oxy (cotin) boy, the cheapest most self centered man on the planet, a joke, ect... I loved your comment about not wanting to insult freaks as their behavior goes way beyond normal human comprehension. I got the tuplips or V-day with the 2.99 receipt. Oh come on, are ya bragging? I love the elf thing. Too much. He told me he had a tatoo of me on his chest from jail and that it hurt so much but he loved me so much and I was his BEBE for life and forever, NOT. PLEASE!!! What the hell was he going to say when he got out and there was no tatoo?? I am NC, so.... there you go. He told everyone that he had a big fat diamond on layaway for me. We never saw that. He told me he was a great dancer and was shy so imagine my surprise when dancing with me was my birthday present and he danced like Elaine on Seinfeld. I was exhausted trying to make sense of this dance he was doing. It was kind of country western/80's where I had to keep walking around him and back into nowhere and then he would grab me and pull me back and we would do this strange thing over and over again. Please, and this was to modern day latino dirty dancing. Oh, O.K. fine. I was so embarrassed I needed to leave the dance floor to get water and air, WTF!!!! I must have hurt his feeling real bad cuz that night I got the worst tongue lashing and physical abuse which was a week before he was finally in jail for good. One time when I tryed to break up he told me his mother was in the hospital another time he said his friend was in the hospital, prob wanted an excuse to see the OW. He had a LOT of friends in the hospital. His boss who had finally had enough told him he could work in the back bay by the junk cars and sleep in the shop this was such an insult to his ego that he would not go back and sponged off of me for another 6 weeks. He sent me a letter complaining that I still spoke with my other X's and why not him? He wanted me to stay in touch so I could give hin advice on his new GF's this was 2 weeks after the break up. Do you think I might need some time to heal BEFORE I start offering up advice on your new GF's? Also my other X'x never hit me, made holes in my walls, and called me names only the devil would use. Do ya think that might be why I don't talk to you dumb ass??? My engagement ring was the absolute best!!!! I've spoken on here about that before, it was the type of ring you would buy a 10 year old. Are you f---ing kidding me??? He told me, he would never leave me, never cheat on me, and love me FOREVA!!! Lucky me. What did I do to deserve this convented honor? He bought a safe so that he could steal my money and put it in there. He bought and sold cars and had 2 of us on the string for the parts and the proceeds. His friend thought he was the benefactor of this business venture and I thought it was me so he was double dipping. For all we know the OW was in on it as well. He told my friend that his engine was junk so that he could steal his car, sell it and make proceeds off the parts. Someone on here called him con artist extraordinaire and that pretty much somes him up. I told the judge that he was a con artist and gigilo and the judge basically said, I hope you were getting something out of the deal. NOT NOT NOT, he was not much to write home about in the sack after the first several weeks, it really was, ALL ABOUT HIM no S---. God bless, Goldie
Jul 28 - 5PM (Reply to #25)
narcdx3
narcdx3's picture

How funny

I'm starting to wonder if this is the same guy we all had :-) He sounds soooo familiar!
Jul 15 - 3PM
positivefuture
positivefuture's picture

i set up a meeting with exn

i set up a meeting with exn and a VP at a major casino/hotel to discuss entertainment. the VP and i have known each other for 10 years and worked together as well in the past, so she asked that i come to the meeting with him. when she met him he told her how we've known each other since we were 16 (we're 45 now). she said "oh, did you two ever date?" and he said "no, PF and i are just great friends who have sex!" REALLY!!! at a business meeting?? the VP looked like she wanted to cancel the meeting right then. JERK. he wanted to know for my bday present if i he should take me to taco bell, then c*m all over my t*ts. UMMMM...YEAH THATS MY BDAY WISH COME TRUE STUPID! Or how he'd say "now i am not trying to be cocky, but i am always right." He'd say this to me, his friends, his business partners, his kids nanny, his kids....everyone. NOT SURE...BUT SOUNDS COCKY TO ME lol
Jul 15 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
Amy
Amy's picture

I am laughing so freaking hard!

"he wanted to know for my bday present if i he should take me to taco bell, then c*m all over my t*ts. UMMMM...YEAH THATS MY BDAY WISH COME TRUE STUPID!" OMG! I can't stop laughing. That has got to be one of the stupidest/funniest things I have ever heard in my life! It's like a 14 year old boy's version of porn or something!
Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #21)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

My N is exactly like a

My N is exactly like a teenager also. he has this teenage site on his iphone where everyone goes on and states the freakiest sex they had that day or night. My N is like a teenager reading that. when we worked together he had to do it with me in a taco bell parking lot so maybe your guy had the same site. lol
Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #22)
positivefuture
positivefuture's picture

LOL!!!

he took me to taco bell one night and while waiting in line, the man behind the counter said can i help you, and he says in a minute....she just needs to get her brain back in thinking mode because i just got done fuc*inck her from behind. oh, and i forgot how he put me on a points system. 10 points and he would dump me. understand....i got points for having my period!!! like i could help that??? these men are freaks...but telling these stories is helping me disconnect.