Feeling VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!

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#1 Jul 12 - 11PM

Steph

Feeling VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!

So my last evening with the narc back in December, things were "off" They had been for a few weeks. I had a huge gut feeling that he was cheating...with his secretary. He was acting different, took his phone in bathroom a few times when I was there.

Anyways,I never said anything, thought I was paranoid. I actually googled paranoia...thinking I was going mad....surely he would never cheat.

So on that last night after we were out and his car...he was cold and angry with me because my demeanor was off. It was because I knew something wasn't right....and he kept bringing up this secretary every 15 minutes (she was away on vacation)

I asked him if I could look at his phone and he said no. I lost it. I knew then he was hiding something and i called him an SOB and hit his chest. Told him I knew it was with his secretary. I wasn't stupid etc.

That is when he flipped completely and told me I was "fuc#kin nuts" and he was done with me. blah blah....I cried and was sooooo hurt and went back in his car. He grabbed me hard to get out ( I actually had bruises)...then he called the cops in me.

Well....since the breakup I was 90% sure I was right about the secretary. And now.....I know FOR SURE I was right. 100% cinfirmation........she's dumped now too.

Sorry this is long. I just feel so hateful right now. I called him on his cheating. I WAS RIGHT and he called the cops on me.

I was sooooooo kind to him. So faithful and encouraging and compassionate and I did so much for him and this is what he does????? Calls the cops on ME when he was the one in the wrong??????

It feels good to have the 100% confirmation I was right......just got that now.....but I am ANGRY!!!!!!!!

I know this is what they do. I just really needed to vent this.

thanks everyone here. you guys are amazing:)

#2 Jul 13 - 3PM

Bodhi

Yeah

My friend was in a relationship with a narc too and he cheated on & off for 6 years. She'd have indisputable evidence of the affairs and he'd tell her she's crazy. This is what they do. Feel that anger, girl!

#3 Jul 13 - 12PM

Janet

Vindication! Your anger is

Vindication! Your anger is a healthy reaction. They love to twist our anger, sadness and depression around like we are the sick ones - where in reality it is just a normal reaction to cruel behavior. Peace. J

Peace. J

#4 Jul 13 - 12PM (Reply to #21)

Steph

Thank you:) What you wrote

Thank you:) What you wrote is so true!

#5 Jul 13 - 11AM

Lisa E. Scott

Stayingstrong

Wow, I'm so glad you have confirmation now. You knew it and you sensed it. You were right to question him when you did and the way he turned it around on you and called the cops is pathetic. He is a sorry excuse for a man. What a total loser. I'm so glad you got away from him. xoxo

#6 Jul 13 - 12PM (Reply to #19)

Steph

"he turned it around on you

"he turned it around on you and called the cops is pathetic. He is a sorry excuse for a man. What a total loser" and to think of how I blamed myself, cried over him, spent money on therapy etc etc etc makes my blood boil

#7 Jul 13 - 12AM

broken23

you were dead on staying

you were dead on staying strong. funny how gut feelings are very telling. ofcourse he had something to hide too since he wouldnt give you his phone. well yet another confirmation that they have no ounce of shame...lying, cheating, and calling the cops on you. pretty much my story too. its infuriating but i am glad you see now that you made the right call on this scum. i bet the confirmation felt good, however it came!

#8 Jul 13 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

Steph

It does feel good to know I

It does feel good to know I wasn't going crazy! Just infuriating that it happened.

#9 Jul 13 - 4PM (Reply to #12)

Lisa E. Scott

It is infuriating, Staying Strong

And remember, it's ok to be mad too. Anger is a feeling we shouldn't be afraid of, although as little girls, we were often told not to feel this way. Feel your anger and channel it into a productive activity. Don't repress it. You have to "get it out" too! :)

#10 Jul 13 - 4PM (Reply to #14)

Steph

Yes. I wasn't really allowed

Yes. I wasn't really allowed to show anger as a child. Repercussions if i did. And with my relationships, couldn't be sad or angry, without repercussions. I will allow myself to feel the anger. I have a right to be angry!

#11 Jul 13 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

rainbow1

Yep. As a child I wasnt

Yep. As a child I wasnt allowed to feel anything. My mother* is a borderline. I have always told people that she is very generous with money but very selfish with emotion. No one can have a feeling but her. *by the way.... I was raised by two women so it might get confusing at times. When I say that my mother is a borderline I mean my biological mother. When I say that I am very close to my mother and tell her everything I mean my other mother. Maybe I could say stepmother to make it less confusing!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#12 Jul 13 - 11PM (Reply to #16)

neveragain5

Wasn't Allowed to Cry

I can relate to you Rainbow1 and stayingstrong! I was never allowed to "play the victim" or cry. My mother taught me this. Anger and happiness were the only acceptable feelings. It's still hard for me to cry or share my feelings with others, because I was taught that it was a weakness. I was also taught that anytime that I would seek validation, that it would be met with irritation or anger. Rainbow, I am so happy for you that you have a wonderful stepmother that you are close to! :)

#13 Jul 14 - 1AM (Reply to #17)

rainbow1

Neveragain5- earlier today

Neveragain5- earlier today i wrote in another post that i do not cry either. like you i wasnt allowed. i havent even really cried over the n either time we broke up. the two times i did it was a few tears and then i snapped myself out of it. thank you by the way. she is a wonderful woman

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#14 Jul 13 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

NinjaGirl

My psychologist

Said he wanted me to stay angry for as long as it takes for me to be fully over this. I asked, "But doesn't that take up a lot of energy?" He replied, "Not as much as stress and depression do." I have no problems being angry. LOL But I manage to rid myself of a lot of excess energy through exercise, and afterward I just feel generally calm. When I can't exercise for some reason, I let myself get angry.

#15 Jul 12 - 11PM

blindedbythenarc

you trusted your instincts

I love your post.. if i could go back i would have punched my narc in the face! My N was actually a cop. Lots of N's are cops and they get to be because they can easily pass the lie detector tests to get in because they feel no emotion when lying.. It's funny how us women can detect their lies and when they are cheating or up to their N funny business.. but a lie detector test can't. I think your blow out was fabulous. shows you know how to stand your ground and go with your gut instincts. Your a fighter not someone who's going to let things slide and that's why your home safe.. out of that pathological relationship. Your born with those emotions for a reason.. to use them when necessary. My N tried to make me think I was crazy for confronting him when I found steroids in a blatant black trash bag in the middle of his closet.. AND he was a cop.. what a dumb shit. He'll try to get back in contact with you once you are totally over him.. so put your guard up and be strong.. it's futile to be with an NPD!

#16 Jul 13 - 12PM (Reply to #9)

Steph

"shows you know how to stand

"shows you know how to stand your ground and go with your gut instincts. Your a fighter not someone who's going to let things slide and that's why your home safe.. out of that pathological relationship. Your born with those emotions for a reason.. to use them when necessary. " Thank you so very much:)

#17 Jul 13 - 6AM (Reply to #2)

Happy1

Good for you for getting out

Good for you for getting out and not contacting this jerk again! I cannot believe all the cheating they do. It's crazy!

#18 Jul 13 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

broken23

the cheating is one thing.

the cheating is one thing. but the amount of energy they exert into making you feel like they are innocent and you are crazy is amazing. many have told a lie at some point for whatever reason. however usually you dont go lying to people you claim you love nor does a normal person go through these lengths to protect themselves and devalue the other. something is not wired right!

#19 Jul 13 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

Steph

That's just it. Cheating is

That's just it. Cheating is bad enough, but to actually blame the other person, or rage at the other person because they caught on. And to play the victim in it all too. aahhhhh. Not normal!!!

#20 Jul 13 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

almostlydia

mine did that on purpose,

mine did that on purpose, there is nothing subtle about the cell phone in the bathroom. he made the fight happen so that he could free up a few days or a week to pursue the latest supply. it was infuriating. that is how the mindfu*king was. he was doing something to ruin the relationship and not bother to call for days like a real man would that actually cared. But it worked. Being so brainwashed and addicted we wind up calling and sucking it back up to get them back. The real slap in the face was the apology that was demanded (and never received) for my actions. God, it was sick.

almostlydia

#21 Jul 13 - 5PM (Reply to #7)

almostlydia

And I guess I was angry for

And I guess I was angry for so long that now i just shrug in amazement as to how sick it all was and what a fool he made of me.

almostlydia

#22 Jul 13 - 6PM (Reply to #8)

Steph

mine told me the next day,

mine told me the next day, after he had called the police on me....that "obviously he doesn't hate me" What a prick. He is the asshole, but HE doesn't hate ME.

#23 Jul 13 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

Happy1

You are so right. That's

You are so right. That's what my N is doing now. He is saying he was on a dating site to see some normal people because I'm this insecure horrible bitch to him and he needed some normalcy. He has turned everything around so his being on match was my fault.

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