The 'Crying' Narcissist???

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Jul 7 - 6PM (Reply to #43)
Susan32's picture

No tears here...

My ex-P got a kick out of seeing me in tears while he showed NO emotion at all. I never saw my ex-P cry. He was NUMB to everything. When had a serious lab injury, he was so detached from it he looked at it as if it were a lab specimen... (while my ex-N former boss could at least FEEL some pain,and cuss) Everybody else told him to have a doctor look at it. When he spoke of his aunt suffering from cancer, he lashed out in anger when I gave him sympathy (normal Narcs use that as a sympathy ploy, because they're somewhat more human) He couldn't cry. He wouldn't cry. Just deadness in his eyes. Lights on, nobody's home.
Jul 7 - 5PM
agnesmurphy17's picture


Mine was the master. But, it was all an act. Once I caught him weeping & then peeking out of the corner of his eyes through his hands which were covering his face--just like a child. Making sure I was watching and reacting, actually I was walking away. Mine was always the aggrieved party. Asked me for a divorce on a monthly basis starting within 4 months of the marriage. After 2 1/2 years, I said "yes." (I stopped being terrified of abandonment & was fed up.) Then, did the N weep. He never meant it, blah, blah, blah. And, I so cruelly abandoned him & abused him. He wept on the lap of anybody he could find. Just like a child complaining. He got a lot of female sympathy, & even some male sympathy. Women cannot resist men crying. So much sympathy that he got a new woman the day I moved out! She held his hand & they were an instant couple within a week of my leaving him. So much for his grieving & emotional devastation. Oh. And, towards the end when he was weeping, he asked: "How can you ignore me when I am crying? When I am in such pain?" I said, "Just as you ignored me--over & over & over-when I wept. When I begged YOU to talk to me." He says, "Is this retaliation? Revenge?" I said, "No. I am finished. It's over." He said, "I never knew you were crying. You didn't tell me." I said, "Once you burst in here and lambasted me for crying. Said I was a child. But, tears had no effect upon you." He came up with some nonsense in response. They always have an answer which makes it all the victim's fault. Now, I do not think I could bear to see another man cry. All I would think -- "Oh No! Another N?" And, I would run for the hills. Sorry, gotta protect myself. I paid my dues. I take no more risks. One red flag & *poof*--I vanish. The only tears I could bear would be at a funeral of a parent. My N could pour buckets of tears over nothing . . . but something VERY IMPORTANT to him which I was not appreciating, facilitating, or enabling enough.
Jul 7 - 6PM (Reply to #41)
NancyM's picture


I can so relate. The peeking to see how I was reacting actually infuriated me in the end. It was like a five year old saying "look mummy I am really really sad, can I have my lolly?" When he cried I started asking him how it FELT. The best he could come up with is that it made him feel SOFT... as in soft and sensitive. Could not get him to expand on that. Yet if I cried he took absolutely no notice.


Jul 7 - 5AM
awayfromhim's picture

When I told mine I had filed

When I told mine I had filed for divorce he gasped and then made this snorting sound. I was afraid of him so I rarely looked at him anymore and I had told him I had filed right before he was leaving for work. When he got home later he started telling me he didn't want a divorce and was "crying". I heard the gasp and snort again. I looked at him. There were no tears. I should have applauded and yelled "bravo!!!"
Jul 7 - 5AM (Reply to #38)
Goldie's picture

Yes they are "the great actors"

Hi, I know what you mean. I use that term loosly, "great actors" cuz they aren't always that good. One of the last times I saw my N and he was outside with the police, he began this kind of whining/pleading voice. He's out there yelling my name, saying, why did you do this? Accompanied by this ridiculous fake cry. I was in the house and I started laughing and was astonished that he would carry on like that in front of everyone in the yard. He sounded like a child caught trying desparately to get out of it to avoid punishment. The police were kind of ignoring it and eventually one of them looked at him and said, alright, that's enough, stop. He stopped instantly as if on cue. I find myself laughing out loud quite frequently as I begin the process of grieving and letting go of my N. My best to you in letting go of yours. God Bless, Goldie
May 3 - 2PM (Reply to #39)
ShaynasMommy's picture


I found myself chuckling aloud when I read this, too. What big, phony crybabies they are! Don't they know they can't fool COPS!??! Police officers, through practical training and experience, already know the manipulation tricks, as they see this every day in dealing with common criminals. They might not be bank robbers but they still react the same way when they get caught!!!! LOLOL
Jul 6 - 5PM
Leah2's picture

He cried almost every day at the end...

It is pretty amazing, my ex started crying in the last year we were together. I thought that he was depressed because his brother had passed away several months before. And when I asked, he just said that he was sad. I asked "abotu what" and he said "about us". I did not know what he was speaking about and asked "what is wrong with us"? He did not reply. Just looked blank, into space, with his eyes distant. I got so scared but held him and rocked him like a child, telling him that since there was nothing wrong with us, I udnerstood that he must be mourning his brother's death. He never replied, just cried. Then he started crying almost daily, and would sob and sob like a child. He would never tell me why, just saying that he was "sad about us". Little did I know that he was, at that point, "leaving me"!! It took three more months for him to inform me that he wanted an immediate divorce (and then he said that he had cried beforehand, which is why he had no emotion when he told me face to face!). As I cried, hysterically, in front of hundred of people on the street, as I collapsed into a crying mess on the street, he just held my hand. He could not comfort me. And he asked if I wanted a cup of tea, then made me sign divorce papers in public, right there blinded by my tears. Once it was done, he walked away and never called again. How can someone be so merciless as to force you to sign papers in public, and leave you heaving and barely able to breathe, and walk away? Then, when mutual friends called him, he would tell them that he was "so sad that things did not work out" and that he "cried about it all the time". This is a man who has not called once in the 5 months since leaving.
Jul 7 - 4PM (Reply to #36)
agnesmurphy17's picture


This is one of the most horrible stories I have ever heard! This guy is a SOCIOPATH! They lay the trap, spring it, and walk away without emotion. Never look back. Oh dear! So sorry for you.
Jul 6 - 4PM
AnotherPath's picture

They just play the victim

They just play the victim role all the time, to get sympathy and look like "poor me".

Ending the dance

Jul 6 - 4PM (Reply to #34)
imabloke's picture

Dead right

Playing the victim... Even the second time around of dumping... I said i would never have her back. Che stood crying in my kitchen 'oh.. you hate me now' blah blah blah... making me feel sorry for her.. God it's pathetic.. This was the moment i knew i was dealing with the emotions of a child!
Jul 6 - 4PM
ewa's picture

Mine also cried when we

Mine also cried when we broke up. Also during our relationship - I started to suspect this are the crocodiles tears. Many times he was crying and saying to me - "I would love you to be there when i will be dying, so you can hold my hand." I am pretty sure now it was just to manipulate me. Its disgusting!
Jul 6 - 3PM
herlatestvictim's picture

Everything they do...

is to manipulate you!
Jul 6 - 3PM
imabloke's picture

She cried...

Even when she was dumping me... I was sure that there was someone else.. and there was.. the boss! But she cried - 'i didn't want to do this to you' there is no one else.. yeh right... even got me to carry on sorting out her car and bring my kids round so her kids wouldn't feel bad. Well now i know the truth... so the tears won't work anymore. It's another way of control.. her younger son does it and he's only 6yrs old.
Jul 6 - 2PM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

My ex narc cried a lot.

My ex narc cried a lot. Nearly after the first night I met him. I took pity on him.. He had a weird maudlin sentimentality about people and past places. I read ‘Wholeagain’s’ post and I cracked up how text book these guys appear to be. My ex narc would listen to deeply sad music and cry and look out into the darkened room and just think about his life and bring himself to tears. I used to think it was a lovely side of his character but now I realize he was setting out these pictures in his mind and pursuing it at the cost of his then reality. He was never satisfied with his life. And you might laugh at this. But I have never seen my narc husband cry. Not with any realness. Not even when I was all ‘tubed’ up to drip and epidural machine tho he said he did out of the room. Not even when his brother killed someone in a car crash. The rest of his family were all distraught. HE DOES CRY HOWEVER!! When he talks about Chelsea football team, how they let goals in or how they were beat and the players cried on the pitch. It really brings a tear to his eyes. He has to make himself fight back the tears about football… He literally chokes on his words as he is speaking about the players or the game tactics. He sometimes cries about things that happen to people in paper. Which I find weird. Like if some children get killed in Afghanistan in a bomb he takes it really hard and looks to be visibly fighting tears. AND not to criticize this. It could be genuine right? But its odd to be so moved by these events, Yet when it comes to us, our couple troubles, home life or family issues, in his own life I have never seen him cry. I have never seen any (what he would perceive as) ‘weakness’ in him about his own life. He once told me about how his dad threw him a the wall, when he was four years old, his dad was drunk on whisky and launched him at the wall in anger.. He never even shed a single tear.. he didn’t look remotely moved but others peoples plight, people he doesn’t even know makes him fight back tears like it was devestating him… ? So odd. maybe it doesn't sound so odd but it feels very odd. SO I don’t know, they have there emotions all wired up wrong I guess, yea, so It makes sense that they would malfunction and cry at the weird times and not at the times when others seem move by sadness. Very odd!
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #21)
wholeagain's picture


"My ex narc would listen to deeply sad music and cry and look out into the darkened room and just think about his life and bring himself to tears." LMAO :) I saw this so many times. Christmas was the worst but pretty much any time of year was the right time to get worked up in a deeply haunted maudlin sort of way. New guy I'm dating I've seen cry once--and that because he was happy to find someone who'd dance in the kitchen with him to bad 70s songs. :)
Jul 6 - 4PM (Reply to #22)
Amy's picture

OMG me too!

"My ex narc would listen to deeply sad music and cry and look out into the darkened room and just think about his life and bring himself to tears." Mine would sit in the dark or be listening to Purple Rain (or both) and cry about how he knew he was losing me! Ugh!
Dec 4 - 10AM (Reply to #29)
KittyRising's picture

The Last Dance...

Mine forgot that he told his ex-girlfriend that he also abused to read "The Last Dance". I also know his 4 month relationship who dumped him prior to meeting me got the same lyrics. Wonder how many times they recycle the "special" songs for us? Ha!
Feb 1 - 6PM (Reply to #28)
FUMB's picture

You just totally ruined

You just totally ruined Purple Rain for me!!!! Toooooo funny!
Jul 7 - 8AM (Reply to #23)
better off
better off's picture

Purple Rain?? LMAO. What a

Purple Rain?? LMAO. What a loser.
Jul 7 - 10PM (Reply to #24)
hitandrun's picture

better off....

Between the telling of the narc listening to Purple Rain and your comment, I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants! The visual of some guy sitting around, being melancholy, and listening to Purple Rain is just too much! Loser is right!!!!!
Jul 8 - 6PM (Reply to #25)
better off
better off's picture

If I ever hear that song

If I ever hear that song again, I know I will laugh out loud... Oh, poor Amy. I hope you don't think I'm making light of your situation, I just think Narcs are ridiculous when you can look at them objectively! I am making a little cartoon in my head of some guy staring in a mirror, listening to Purple Rain, crying, wearing the matching jackets he bought his victims, along with a beret, putting on his chapstick, and missing his mommy.
Jul 8 - 6PM (Reply to #26)
Happy1's picture

haha! My ex-N loves purple

haha! My ex-N loves purple rain.
Jul 8 - 6PM (Reply to #27)
better off
better off's picture

See?! They are ALL the

See?! They are ALL the same, lol! What guy likes Purple Rain? Now we have another checkpoint on our Narc List.
Jul 6 - 2PM
broken23's picture

they are so sick mine cried

they are so sick mine cried twice! once to get me initially, proclaiming how he had always loved me, i was the one. second time, in vegas, in front of everyone, after i left bc of him talking to OW, again that i know he loves me. the rest of the time it was me who was crying and yup no sympathy. the are the best actors ... anything to serve their immediate purpose.
Jul 6 - 2PM
betty2020's picture

I would be checking the

I would be checking the vicks vapor rub bottle as he probable uses it for eyeshadow. Im sure you will find it empty. They will pull what ever trick they can out of the bag. It is what they do best. Crying requires emotion. Vampires lack emotion. They only respond to the needs of their selfishness. So it is just impossible for the tears to be real. Its all just a game

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 6 - 6PM (Reply to #17)
hitandrun's picture

OMG, betty2020...too funny!

When I was being courted( I mean sucked into a pit of hell) by the disordered one, he said he "cried and cried" over one of my blog posts. I thought it was kind of weird. Most likely he was chopping onions...the f*ck. Boy, I'm so positive today : )
Jul 7 - 8AM (Reply to #18)
Goldie's picture

Sucked in.

Hi, We all affectionately referred to my N as devilboy, so sucked into the pits of hell would be an appropriate term. Yes, devilboy "tryed" to suck me into the pits of hell. He is gone now probably living in his own pit of hell. God Bless, Goldie
Jul 6 - 2PM
wholeagain's picture


Mine played the crying game too. He had it all worked out about how he's not afraid to show his emotions, how beautiful and BETTER it is to be a man who can cry, how's he's more advanced than most men in that regard. He had a deep well of sentimentality and nostalgia, which at first seemed admirable but then I realized that sentimentality can be a way of freezing people and events in their place and controlling them. Or reshaping them. Carl Jung says "sentimentality is next to brutality" which makes sense to me now. I got to really dread Christmas because it was the same thing every year. He'd sit in front of the tree at night, play the same Christmas music overandoverandover, drink too much wine and cry. At the end when I was finally standing up for myself he pulled out some big crocodile tears. I'd hear him out in the living room literally boo-hoo-ing. That's when it truly dawned on me that it wasn't coming from any real place at all, he was acting.
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
SBlaze86's picture


Geez, the more I learn about this disorder...more like disease...the more it sickens me! How sick, that someone would behave this way all in the name of always being in control. Narcissism is an illness of the mind, I'm convinced.
Jul 6 - 1PM
Bodhi's picture


Sounds like manipulation to me too. I saw mine cry ONCE... not when we broke up... but when his dad cancelled plans on him. Talk about daddy issues.