Vent: Facebook

25 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jul 6 - 1PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Vent: Facebook

I'm on a roll today now that I'm finally posting :)

Isn't FB a narcissist's dream tool? The BT (the Bitchy Troll, what I call the ex NH) has been a real piece of work when it comes to his FB page. The whole breakup has been reduced to dramatic, self serving updates about what I did to him, to which his gaggle of adoring women (and a few men) can respond with supply. "Oh BT, you're so wonderful, you're so special, you deserve the best, etc. etc."

The worst is when they tell him to never give up, never stop fighting for me. NOnononono, not that! Ladies you can have him, really!

Sometimes it's some esoteric Guru statement that he read somewhere.

Or the cryptic approach, so that people will, again, assume he's deep and mysterious. This might include philosophy, foreign language or obscure song lyrics.

And then there's the posts that just emphasize how very popular he is, how busy his social life, how many friends love him. Have you ever noticed that about the N? A normal comment after meeting someone would be "I really liked X, I'd like to get to know him/her better." The N is more likely to say "X totally LOVED me, we're going to be best friends." Lol

There are also the posts where he demonstrates his deep generosity "I saw a poor prostitute at the bar, gave her $100 and didn't make her perform services, just talked to her, told her she needs to get off the street." I am not making this one up, he's done this a number of times, and it's even more effective now that he has FB so he can share his selflessness with all his friends!

I notice that most of his activity is in the wee hours, when he's no doubt downed one or more bottles of wine.

End rant, but needless to say when mutual friends start sending me emails saying so...um...how are you doing? I know he's probably said something else ridiculous about the demise of our marriage or taken a direct stab at me.

What

Ever!

Jul 6 - 9PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The Internet Nonentity

My ex-Psychopath professor is the opposite of a lot of Narcs here. He has next to nothing on the Internet (in an ironic contrast, his father IS famous-has been in the Boston Globe, NPR, etc) I remember being friends with a guy who lived across the street from him... and didn't even know he was there. My ex-P was so reclusive he told me he didn't know his next door neighbors,and they didn't know him. My ex-P is basically an abstraction. There are 3 boring philosophical articles by him on the Web... and that's it. A sure cure for insomnia. I laugh at myself, wondering, "What the heck did I see in this guy? And he didn't even have a tremendous intellect!"
Jul 6 - 6PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

you are right on!

My N is on facebook and he has pics on there of only him and his son and I am not not allowed on there at all. He won't show we're in a relationship. I'm not allowed to speak on his facebook and he won't post a picture of my son and I on there. So he looks like quite the bachelor with his special father son bonding time. Oh! and BTW...who does he have taking the pics? That would be ME. But I don't exist anywhere! a true sign if a guy is an N is if e won't even say he has you as his girlfriend on FB so he can continue to look like the ladies man! pathetic man!! I"m so done!
Jul 6 - 8PM (Reply to #23)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Mine was always that way too.

His FB always had pics of just him or him and his kids. Never any of us. His relationship status always said "single". So so did mine. If he was on the open market, so was I. I don't know what his FB is like now, I haven't looked in a very long time. But I would bet he's still "single" and there are just pics of himself. Figures.
Jul 6 - 3PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Wholeagain

I agree with everyone here. Facebook is a narcissist's dream. A narcissist looks for outside validation based on his appearance or image and nothing more. Therefore, Facebook, is like a wet dream to them. Definitely block him! Oh, and hitandrun - I can't believe yours has a tracking system so people can find him at whatever bar he is at. Unbelievable. He obviously still thinks he's in school or something. How pathetic!
Jul 6 - 2PM
broken23
broken23's picture

this made me laugh i never

this made me laugh i never had the privelege of seeing my n's facebook account. he kept his account private when we were dating! and said he barely goes on. i didnt make much of it (red flag) how convenient no body on facebook had to know about me. then when he left, he blocked me as if i was the one who cheated. so i have always felt curious and jealous of his fb account, like what big secret is on there that i cannot see. but sounds like its just more evidence of their pathetic behavior.
Jul 6 - 2PM
SBlaze86
SBlaze86's picture

Re: Social networking

Social networking sites are indeed a narcissists' dream tool. In fact, I'm beginning to see the value less and less in these sites. Like twitter! Only a narcissist would really think everyone's interested in knowing what they're doing by and up to the minute. "A normal comment after meeting someone would be "I really liked X, I'd like to get to know him/her better." The N is more likely to say "X totally LOVED me, we're going to be best friends." This totally resonated with me and describes my ex to a tee! "X totally LOVED me". What an absurd thing to assume after only just having met someone! Anyway. I agree with the other ladies: BLOCK HIM If he wants to act like a self-obsessed teen, playing the victim and milking the situation for all it's worth, let him pathetically do it without the additional supply of your attention.
Jul 6 - 2PM
Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

Facebook Sucks

In my opinion... FB makes breaking up even so much harder to do these days. Mine has used FB to throw his new victim in my face. We NEVER had pictures of each other on our accounts... he has a new one of her every week. When he got engaged, he changed his privacy settings. We went a long time without having any mutual friends, and then after the engagement we had a whole bunch. I blocked him, I blocked her, I blocked his family... and I removed all mutual friends. Good Riddance and eff off.
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #18)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Bodhi me, too

Facebook sucks. I did the same thing you did...blocked him, his family, mutual friends and all my friends and family deleted his ass.
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #17)
Steph
Steph's picture

love it!

" I blocked him, I blocked her, I blocked his family... and I removed all mutual friends. Good Riddance and eff off."
Jul 6 - 2PM
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

OMG

When I saw mine sign up for Facebook (after telling me for two years that he'd never sign up for Facebook), my very first reaction was to block him. Forget even not friending him. He can't even FIND ME on Facebook. And I can't see him either. It's been a huge blessing. Your narc makes me want to throw up a little. When people ask how you're doing, simply smile and say, "I am SO happy." And then leave it at that.
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Living well

is the best revenge, I've long believed that and like that I see it here so much. The nice part is, I truly am happy and living well by my own standards. He'd never hear any different unless someone was lying to him. HA!
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

As usual

I agree with you completely. I truly am becoming happy, too. And I don't care if it gets back to him or not. I'm just happy to know that he's not hearing from me anymore, and vice versa.
Jul 6 - 2PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Put him on block and never

Put him on block and never look again. I was looking at his myspace and facebook. It was disgusting. I cant look anymore. Everything is just a pure LIE. just like our relationships. All lies. Its not even worth the energy to read anymore. We just add to our own misery and distract from recovery when we engage in them. They have taken enough. Personally i hate all social media sites. They are just a breeding ground for the pathological predator. The favorite tool in their arsenal to destroy more lives.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

You're right

My ex is really big on spewing propoganda all over the internet to prove how great his life is. Facebook is no exception.
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

I don't

actually see what he writes anymore. I do have someone who keeps an eye on his posts so they can let me know if he's planning to be in town but that's it. But you don't have to watch long to get the gist, it's always the same cycle over and over. It was like watching a train wreck but I fortunately snapped out of it.
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #9)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Good for you that you see it

Good for you that you see it for all its ugliness. In time the sheer boredom of them makes you loose interest in all of their actions and behavior. Nothing changes and is just a big joke to watch. I get enough humor i a day to keep me occupied now so i stopped looking. Not sure why you need to know if he is in town but if its not for something to do with children i would probably ask the friend to stop feeding you information on him. I know its a hard cycle to break but we really have no choice if we want to move forward with our lives. Its just not healthy to keep any connections after going NC unless you have no choice due to children. Even at that it should be limited, direct and business like. I know some that even communicate through attorneys to keep NC as minimal as possible. Remember this use to be "all about him". Now it is "all about US". Redirecting the focus is tough but the only way. xoxoxo

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

The only

communication we have is via our mediator and it's rare by this point, just wrapping up property details. I have someone alert me if he's coming into town because though it's not likely, he would possibly just show up where I work in order to make me uncomfortable, an intimidation thing. I've seen him do similar to former business partners. I considered a restraining order but with wise counsel from a lawyer and therapist decided that would create more problems than it would prevent. They both recommended that I have someone let me know when he'll be here and when he is I lay low--I just don't want the drama. Other than that I don't need to know a thing about his FABULOUS life anymore. Or about all the hookers he's saving! :)
Jul 6 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

well if he shows up i would

well if he shows up i would say bring it on. We will get Ninja Girl to kick the living shit right out of him. Dont forget we have an army of special forces in here. Hes messing with the wrong clan...

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Steph
Steph's picture

Yes, Betty2020 is right.

Yes, Betty2020 is right. Block him. I just have to add "There are also the posts where he demonstrates his deep generosity "I saw a poor prostitute at the bar, gave her $100 and didn't make her perform services, just talked to her, told her she needs to get off the street." I am not making this one up, he's done this a number of times, and it's even more effective now that he has FB so he can share his selflessness with all his friends!" Seriously?? You''ve gotta be kidding?? OMG!
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Another Social Networking Dream for the Narcissist

My ex now uses foursquare so people can see where he goes locally every moment of the day...no foolin'. They now get to see all the local bars he goes too...it's linked to Twitter and facebook through his phone. I sure as hell would not want people to know where I am. But if you are mentally 13, this is so much fun. No doubt I was something to occupy his time until he got flush again so he could party all the time.
Jul 6 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

So it's

like he has a gps device slapped on his ass?
Jul 6 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Yep

Kind of like that...but he has to initialize it. That's why you see the bars...he's so cool...NOT.
Jul 6 - 11PM (Reply to #6)
gigi9
gigi9's picture

My ExN and I before divorce

My ExN and I before divorce were FB friends and when I tagged a pic of "our" dog to send it to him he was offended saying "What are you trying to do...call me a dog" and advising me that I was using the tagging feature inappropriatley.........a**hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jul 6 - 11PM (Reply to #7)
broken23
broken23's picture

lol although its not a bad

lol although its not a bad idea to get a picture of a animal and tag them:)