Needing support for NC!

Well, I work with my N so no contact has not been easy. It got especially bad when I fooled myself into believing that we were actually friends, despite all the lies and deceit. I told myself that being friends was okay, with no expectations, just to have a cordial relationship at work. There is an OW at work also. Being friends made me feel like I had something over her as well. In addition to the OW, there is a girlfriend. My "friendship" made me feel like I had something over her too. I WAS WRONG on so many levels.

In this fake friendship, we continued to talk everyday, all day about everything. I was in pain daily as I tried to hide my feelings and go along with the friendship plan. The N loved every minute of it. I found myself giving so much of myself and getting nothing in return, as usual. The final straw (so many final straws) came yesterday when I felt like my N didn't want the OW to see us walk into work together. I have been picking her up to save her gas money since she is broke. I was upset. It was minor but of course N made it MAJOR. Rage, ignoring,... the usual manipulation and emotional abuse.

Now I want NC. I realize that my motives for friendship are wrong. I am hurting the girlfriend and OW when they are victims as well. The friendship is false and completely one sided, I get nothing from it. I don't want a relationship with N anymore and I do not want to continue to expose myself to these mind games, the criticism and put downs disguised as jokes, the emotional abuse...

No one has ever made me feel so bad about myself. I get compliments everyday from others on my appearance and character... yet my N can level me with one look, one joke at my expense.

I want out. It will be hard. When we have fights I feel like my N and the OW are laughing at me. It's so hard to work like that. I am embarassed and fighting tears all day.

I need support. Encouraging words, helpful hints would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.