When will the dreams stop?

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#1 Apr 21 - 6PM
azucar
azucar's picture

When will the dreams stop?

It has been very helpful, reading everyone's stories and seeing that we more or less are traveling the same road. I have been trying really hard, every day to getting my X-N's toxicity out of my life. I dont ask about him, I threw everything out, gifts, pictures, letters ect. I try to balance activity with alone time, and staying away from alcohol. Seeing therepist has helped too...but one thing that I can't seem to help are my dreams. It was wierd, I had nightmares for a couple of weeks after the break-up I was so angry and trying to yell at him, but he would ignore me. After I started seeing the therapist a had a couple of weeks anof no dreams. Now I am back to dreaming about him every night and although I am not angry as I was in them before. I either have dreams about him having sex with many other women, or I see my self having sex and it leaves me feeling terrible in the dream as well as when I wake up...does anyone else have these sorts of dreams...in my waking life I know I never even want to see him again...it's so demoralizing to have these dreams, and very confusing, not to mention my sleep is no longer restful. I keep waking up distressed, even dissappointed that the dream is "real" then fall back asleep and repeat. I hate that he is the first thing I think about when I wake up. Any words of advice?

Apr 24 - 10AM
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

Azucar

Yeah I did that, dreams of s.x with him yuk (can't even write it) I did go to a spiritual healer and however nuts this seems she gave me a few things to do. No joke they stopped and there was a real change in my attitude towards him, I feel indifferent to him now can't be bothered to even get angry most of the time. Anyway, I'll tell you what she told me to do: To stop his voice entering your being write his name on some brown paper, put candle wax over it and put it in the freezer. This is to freeze his dialogue For having him not enter your dreams write the following down in big letters in this order and put it under you bed. SATOR AREPO TENET OPERA ROTAS Have no idea what it means and she's not a witch doctor or anything. The other thing is to close down your 7 shakra's every night, hold your hand over each shakra whilst lying in bed and close your hand like a flower closes at night over each shakra to shut down and not let him in. Hope you see a difference, I though yeah right but I'll do it anyway and I can't believe there was a big shift for me. Worth a go anyway.

Ending the dance

Apr 24 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
wallaby (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Very cool!

I will try these things! Thanks for passing these on.
Apr 24 - 10AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Dreams

I left my N almost one year ago. We had limited contact over the property & the divorce. He found a new woman very quickly, which was a secret from me, so I never had to deal with him wanting to reconcile. Just nasty e-mails. So I had it much easier than many because I really did not miss him. Dreams, nightmares, & nightsweats. Tortured. Generally dreams where he is being himself--angry & controlling, that is, abusive. Sometimes I dream about his mother who I really liked & was very close to. Never spoke to or saw her again. For months I was exhausted because I had a nightmare, woke up for hours, fell asleep again, another nightmare. I still have dreams about him but not so awful as before. I cannot always remember. I, too, wonder when it will all end. Nobody can really understand what it means to have been embroiled in a pathological relationship. They don't call them "malignant" narcissists for nothing. They just seem to get inside of the victim & then become part of her & then rapidly consume all he healthy bits--just like a cancer cell, of the body but diseased & growing out of control and destroying the entire well-being until death. How to excise the memory of the pathological? If I could write that book, I could make a fortune.
Apr 21 - 10PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

does anyone else have these sorts of dreams.

yes yes have dreams about him having sex with many other women, same here, horrible dreams I have cried in my dreams wake up and actual tears are on my face. This man hurt me sooo deeply it will always be with me - dreams about betrayal and deception, hey that is what they are good at
Apr 24 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
narcsurvivor
narcsurvivor's picture

Yes, I've had several dreams

Yes, I've had several dreams of him having sex with another woman. A couple of times, I even mentioned this him. And he had the nerve to respond with, "What did she look like?" UGH. Since being no contact for 2 months though, the dreams, including other nightmares with him, have significantly subsided. Last week, though, I unblocked his email addresses and phone number in a moment of weakness (thank God, no messages), and that very same night, I had nightmares about him....it's like everything came flooding back when I opened the "gates" to contact. Today, though, I shut them again!
Apr 21 - 11PM (Reply to #13)
azucar
azucar's picture

Cynthia, I wake up crying too

Not as much as I used to... I try to write the dreams down as they happen, and they are pretty much the same thing. I just feel so utterly used. Thank you for sharing
Apr 21 - 9PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Shows how deeply they impacted you...

All their manipulation in its peculiar variety as it turns out seems to have a huge impact on us, and comes out in dreams...yes,,I actually have dreams about having sex, him dominating me, him at some other woman's house,,all very vivid,,and I write them down when I wake up because it is so vivid. There was a point when I was screaming in my sleep saying " I need to help bla bla,,I need to help him make money,,I need to help him in business,, and would moan out loud like I was having an orgasm".,,,all this my friend told me, he even said I mentioned his name in my sleep! It is a mystery, but they have us so captivated, so enthralled with them, they connect to some part of us that I don't understand,, but it is like a hyper arousal. I have been 10 months NC, still have the dreams,, and seem to "sense" him sometimes,, like imagining things he would be saying to me,,it is really weird, and think it is their way of still trying to control you even after you have exposed them. I think its great that you are doing all the positive things,,,be strong... I actually listened to the radio and somewhat smiled for the first time yesterday, in over 10 months... They have a huge, negative impact on us,,it can be overcome with positive action, thoughts, dreams of what we personally want to accomplish and experience, and then doing it! They cannot control us!!! It is getting better, it is a slow process...
Apr 21 - 11PM (Reply to #10)
azucar
azucar's picture

Thank you Amazed

Its only been about 7 weeks for me, and I am trying to accept that its not going to be possible to entirely blot him out through my actions, esppecially in such a short period of time. There is damage and I have to learn to deal with it.
Apr 22 - 5AM (Reply to #11)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

You can do it

At all costs,,stay away from him,,don't look at him, call him, text him, email, nothing..it seems unnatural at first,,but it is the only way you will be able to regain perspective, and see what evil they are... it will take some time,,we totally understand what you are going through, it is unbelievable, cruel, it will not devastate us because we are learning about their tricks,,do not be reduced to their level, and PROTECT YOURSELF from their manipulation. I exposed my exN, met his OW, she had the same dreams about him, engulfing her,,she gave in and took him back.. Wrong thing to do!!! It helps to learn as much as you can about them, so you won't be lured into their traps... Be strong, realize you are a wonderful person, and have a heart, the N does not..at all..hard to believe,, that is what is so confusing..stay away from him no matter what.
Apr 21 - 8PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

my experience with not sleeping

This was happening to me for a very, very long time. I was on antidepressants, which reacted horribly with me. Made me feel loopy. They are also addictive, and it takes awhile before they work. Tried Ambien. Wound up going to the Mayo clinic because it messed me up so much. The doctor at Mayo said that Ambien does not allow you to go to the deep levels of sleep and therefore, it doesn't not allow your brain and body cells to "regenerate". It starts making you anxious and tired all the time. He switched me to Trazedone, which is a mild form of an antidepressants. This, to me, was a miracle drug! It gets you to the deep levels of sleep, it is not addictive, so you don't need to take it every night - only when you feel like it. And it increases your serotonin, so you start feeling better overall. I think this drug truly saved my life and it worked within the first few days.
Apr 21 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
azucar
azucar's picture

loveofmylife

I made an appointment with my doctor after Barbara mentioned meds, for a while anyway. Thank you sharing, I am really beginning to fell worn down daily, so I'm open top it.
Apr 21 - 8PM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

I recall having frequent

I recall having frequent dreams during the first few months but at one point, they stopped. My dreams were not sexual but they were about him leaving me during times of trials. I know that my dreams were directly related to my disappointment when he didn't come see me when I was literally battling for my life. I resented this so much that it carried into my sleep. You mentioned in one of your posts that at one point, you had a Madonna complex based on his sexual behavior. Perhaps you have deep resentment that is carried into your sleep/dreams?
Apr 21 - 11PM (Reply to #6)
azucar
azucar's picture

I think it could be about resentment

Good point Intropsection~ He was definetely using me while I thought he loved me...the sex act meant nothing to him! It really disgusts me that any part of me would yearn for him, when I know the result would be sex and see you later (he did that with his other ex's) and that was one of many reason why I told him NC right away- even though I didn't quite know that was what you are supposed to do to an N (I didnt know that was yet). But maybe there is a part of me that misses him and entertains the idea of "just having sex". I know I don't want that, I have never been that way with any of my ex-s before, I believe in clean breaks. But there is some kind of addiction who knows. I do know that I am resentful as hell at him.
Apr 21 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

that's PTSD

are you in therapy? short term antidepressants? I used this for a while too: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?ii=125196&c=cart&aff=21165&ejc=2 ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 21 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
azucar
azucar's picture

I am in therapy

But no short term antidepressants. I was thinking about a sleepign aide. hmm I could see what my therapist suggests. thank you oh wow, thank you for that link...I'll try anything
Apr 21 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

azucar

talk to your therapist before trying a sleeping aid I used to take Advil PM but it didn't stop the dreams... that CD slowed them WAAAAY down. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 22 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

It is something in their voice, the way they communicate

It is their attitude, the psychopath N has an attitude, an intangible quality that permeates the mind of who they are speaking with,,can't describe it right now,,,