Which reason was it for YOU?
Which reason was it for YOU?
I have been wondering the past several weeks why I stayed when he showed me his true colors. Lets forget about the brainwashing for a moment and focus on why we stayed when they did nothing but cause us horrible emotional pain and abuse, and why did we stay when we knew what they were, I even stayed after my counselor told me he was a very dangerous predator. I have come up with a few, I wanted to include stupid as the first reason but that is how I felt about myself for a long time and I need to give myself a little more credit than that. I have come up with some strong reasons why we stayed.
1- Shock and in denial(ptsd)
2- Traumatic bonding
3- Waiting for the dream man to come back
4- Waiting for them to realize how special we were and what they had.
5- Didnt want to let go of the illusion
6- Felt in some small way and held on to hope they actually loved us in their own way.
7- Thought they could fill the void from what they took away from us.
8 Last but not least, waiting to see if their lobotomy was successful. (had to throw that one in there)
I think all of them apply to me personally, but If I had to pick one I really feel #4 in my heart. I found myself saying so many times this past year, How could he just throw someone away like me. ( I dont mean to sound like a narcissist either I dont walk around thinking I am all that) Its what I gave in my heart to him, I base it off how healthy others view me too; my friends, my children, my co workers, family, etc.. I held on because I kept thinking surely he will see what he had with me. It wasnt until I totally understood the nature of their behavior that I could wait until pigs fly for him to see me the way I wanted him to. That is what hurt the most that he only wanted to see me as a whore and was blind to everything else, what I was as a person didnt matter to him, I just had to be giving so the predator could take advantage of me. Here are a few more equations:
(US) (THEM)
Giving = take, take take on their part
Tolerant = someone you can walk all over
Beautiful = makes them look good, for some its not a requirement but just a nice bonus
sexy = closer to my fantasy of a whore
Vulnerable = weak
Trusting = stupid and naive
Talented = they have no use for it, they will never admire you for it because nobody is as great as they are
Smart = again, nobody is as smart as they are, never prove them wrong on any topic or debate
educated and successful = Good she can support me and pay the bills. Or good, I dont have to support her, she can take care of herself, and if I do support her I OWN HER.
Puts me First = excellent I can conquer and divide better this way, isolate her from others she will ignore her own needs and just cater to mine. In time I wont have to give her much at all just throw her a bone now and then so she stays around.
Instead of being proud of the good traits we have, they find ways to take advantage of our good qualities and abuse us because of them. After all a predator is only out for themselves, to devour and destroy. So why did he throw someone like me away? I guess he really didnt I just didnt give him what he wanted from me, so he had no use for me. I wanted love from him which he is not capable of so I guess I threw him away to the life he prefers.
definitely # 3
Living Off Crumbs Rather Than The Whole Meal
not!
I Will Google The Term
self-love
wish i knew
I Totally Understand That Rache
Makes sense
You have to save yourself in the end
#3 #3 #3!
Was he just in a bad mood for a long time?...
Yup
#4 for me mostly.
All of the Above
Oh my gosh that's terrible.
why we stay
none of the above
pets