Not a good morning

I know I'm going to get hell from a few of you for what I'm about to write.......I'm hoping I get support though instead of beatings as I'm beating myself for all of you.

I had a brutal weekend. I spent it alone, and I don't know why. I guess it's hard seeing friends, them asking how you are doing when the only answer you have inside you is "I'm trying"

I texted my exN this morning - nothing big, just "Darren, talk to me"

He responds of course - and says "I wish to be alone, you and I are over, there is nothing more to say"

Stupid me - stupid - stupid!

And of course now I sit here feeling like I did back since June 17th. I was doing so well - and now this.

Yes, I know - I'm weak - I'm stupid - as tears fall down my face as I know and now believe I will never in my life hear or see him again.....I feel defeated!

I need support right now more than I ever have - so please please don't beat me up