why am I filled with so much anger?
why am I filled with so much anger?
Hello everyone,
I have seen a therapist 3 times so far and started EMDR therapy this week also this week I have heard from xnbf(called my work). He was crying and calling himself an asshole. Told me he was getting back with gf and "just did not want to lose me". I told him "I wished him luck with his new family" He has not called work since. My therapist told me that my emotions would probably be running very high after my session. However I felt I handled the conversation with the xnbf very well. This is where I am starting to freak out..on Friday I attended the funeral of an elderly woman with whom I had become friends with the first time I was D&D.(4 years ago)
She was the mother of one of my coworkers. Apparently my coworker told her what a mess I was and she called just to talk to me and say she was there if I needed to talk to someone. I was touched in such a way that I instantly felt a bond with her. I have stayed in touch with her over the years.
Anyway after the funeral on friday some of us went for dinner and a few drinks after work. I drank too much wine. I came home and found myself angry at everyone and everything. I screamed at my daughter(she is 25) the same way I screamed at the xnbf. I hated myself and I hated everyone else. Just writing this makes me cry. I do not want to feel so depressed. I am afraid to drink around anyone because this always happened when I lived with the nbf. I always lashed out at him when I drank. I found alcohol as a crutch for being so damn lonely..physically and emotionally. He would purposely not drink with me(only his friends) so he could say I drink too much. My therapist says it will all be ok. I am doubtful.
Rage needs an outlet.
Did you make ammends to your
4joys4
betteroff
anger
anger