Sad
Sad
I got so sad tonight. It's been over 4 months I haven't had contact. I'm not close to over it. I take different steps every day. I try for the most part to make sense of it, and do that sometimes. My heart tonight just felt sadness. I heard a song that we both thought was special and it took me there. And I don't want to feel this separation. It hurts. It's so painful, and I had a hard time in seeing a purpose in it tonight. The silver lining. The whole "getting stronger over this and the lessons will make it worth it" thing, which I definitely work for, to stay positive.
I just wanna say that my heart has many places in it where the logic hasn't reached. Where it just feels. And when it realizes the reality, it's still in shock. Shocked that it will never experience everything I thought I had with him, that I can't share it with another, and that in the most hurtful ways, I'm alone in this. I can't resolve it. I can't share my feelings with him. I can't find closure (the kind normal people find in normal relationships). I just have to keep doing the work on my side, but it can never be shared.
It sucks. Just like all of us, I feel like I never signed up for this. And now it's a part of me. A part I can't get rid of and forget it ever existed. A part that's so deep in me, that I have to feel it every day and accept. It's just impossible to act like it never happened on the inside, even if I do it on the outside. It's such a big part of me, and I really hope all of me can get past it, and have a chance at a happy life.
And I am very grateful for everything I have in my life, I give thanks to God for many things throughout the day, and appreciate small things. I just need to be real and can't deny his sadness/confusion/angst. It's taken so much from me, this whole thing, and I almost feel crazy that it's still consuming me.
Faith
Thank you, Femmegem. I know,
Of course you're sad .. Your
Thanks for all your
You aren't crazy!
Thanks, Jar of hearts...I
YES YES
hugs, bobh...be kind to
thank you
You're not alone.
Tarnished is a good word. I
Tarnished
Sad today too
So sad too
I so get what you mean
Faith
exactly, it's a shame that it