Finding Closure

from someone who has been "out" for over a year, maybe I could pass some form of comfort to anyone that is struggling with this.

Finding "closure" is something that just doesn't happen - you dont wake up one day and say, "at last I have found closure"; well at least it didn't for me personally. Someone posted recently (forgive me for not remembering) "that if you have to go NC you are dealing with a narc/path". In other words if you have to go to this extent with someone you can pretty much know this person was very dangerous and toxic to your well being. I can apply this same concept as to why there is such an utter lack of closure with such a trauma. There is no closure that will EVER come from them because what they did was so wrong, the entire relationship was built on a foundation of lies and deceit; without truth and clarity in such a relationship there can never be the closure we want.

I came to understand that the specifics did not matter such as: how could he have said that, or how could he have just moved on, or how could everything he was not been real, how could everything we shared for how ever long been forgotten and dismissed so easily. Because he was disordered and wrong, the answer is that simple but our search for closure never is. A good share of our lack of closure is attributing normal human behaviors to a person who simply does not have them, and always remember if he did not have them with you, he is exhibiting them in the same pretense manner to who ever he is with. He is a fraud in all his cycles, from honeymoon to D&D, from his wives, girlfriends and in his triangulations.

Closure is finding understanding from within to simply discover and learn there wasn't a damn thing you could have done to change this person into a person that was not disordered, he has had many love him before you and he will many who will love him with the same passion after you. He will never be non disordered for them either.

That is my peace and closure x0