Did any of you try to warn the OW when you were discarded?

My feeling is only to contact OW if doing so provides you with closure or some piece of info. you need to cut the tie to your N. I don't think forwarning new OW (once you have already figured out what's going on) falls into that category. They are still in the honeymoon phase...and like you said, they don't want to hear what you have to say...and he will easily paint you crazy and jelous. Why continue to involve ourselves in all the crazy drama once we are out?? Let new supply/new OW come to you at some point down the road if they are looking for answers. I did speak with exN's girlfriend once (I was newer supply/OW- she had been with him for four years- I was with him for a year)- I called b/c I was suspicious of his relationship with her, but he would not be straightforward with me about it (suprise, suprise)...and I NEEDED TO KNOW for myself...so I would know I wasn't crazy and could finally, finally start putting an end to all the BS. Yes, in this case, the truth set me free. BUT- if she had called me earlier on to warm me about him....when he was still laying on the charm....I dunno...I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have believed her. I had to figure it out on my own time---I think we all do unfortunately. And the sad thing is that the truth still hasn't set her free from his clutches. Even though she believed me (and is aware of other women he has cheated with), she still hasn't left him. Sometimes, I think about calling her again to let her know that he still contacts me after everything- has zero remorse for the pain he caused us all (me, her, and their son). But I don't b/c she has to get there herself...and I have to protect myself and look out for me at a certain point. And I do not want to wake the beast (him). But I would certainly be there if she needed me at any point.

I had a great experience telling the OW. We both found a lot of closure from the situation because he was playing both of us badly. I got veeery lucky though. It could have gone very badly.

At that point I hadn't really begun to suss him out. Just out of the blue he turned all peculiar and buggered off with the OM. It was THEN that I began to see what he was really like. He dropped the ball where I was concerned because he thought I was surplus to requirements and anyway, he could always get me back if he needed to, right? That was when I saw his nasty attitude with my own eyes, because the mask came off. Not only that, all the rumours started reaching me on the grapevine. Since then, if anyone brings him up in that context, I will warn them of how badly he treated me. If they don't take any notice, that's their mistake.

After the first D&D..I stupidly wanted to meet him and talk things over after he replaced me with the OW. Well he disgustingly had no problem trying to feel me up on our meeting which I firmly said NO you are with her now. He replied well kissing is okay..can u belive that? Well I told the OW about it cuz i was preety pissed off he thought he could do anything with me. She seem slightly angry with him. But then he just said to her "baby she's trying to break us up" and there you go. Like butter he smoothed her over. Well 6 months later he D&D her for me once again which I ridicously fell for...but that goes to show you that just gives them TONS of NS. two women pawning over him. More than likely she's at the honeymoon phase where she think hes\'s God gift to woman, and with his manipulative and charming ways she won't listen anyways. More than likely she will team up against you and it will be like a double shot for you. Definetley do NOT recommend it. Let him be. I already gave that jerk so much NS it makes me sick thinking about it, especially between me and his ex, the bouncing back and forth and him gloating over the fact when he discarded one, the other would be swayed by his "love" and will tell off the other... it's mad sickening

I wrote her an email....very classy, mature, not judging, warm heartfelt email....telling her what he did to me...the heartache Im enduring....I told her to research and educate herself on Narc...and to stay on guard....I also told her what he will do if she ever tries to leave him (I totally ruined his game) Her response was...."I dont know who you are, he's never mentioned you to me" I said, "yeah, ok..just be careful" I did this within the first 2 weeks of our split, before i began the no contact. I did it because the Narcs exgf wrote me an email in the beginning and although I didnt listen, she planted the seed so I alwyas questioned things in my head when things just didnt seem right.....I simply wanted to plant the seed for her so he wont get away with what he does anymore,.. As far as i know....they are still together.... I do NOT recommend doing this once you have started your NC. I did this before I knew anything about Narc...and what I did was feed his ego by writing about him....Im sure it pleased him!!!

The OW (the one I know about)& I knew each other. She is a coworker of his. She & her now ex-husband had attended parties at our house. She gave me & us gifts. When I realized what was going on, I confronted narc & he said they were just friends, that he will end their friendship & he wanted to make our marriage work. Then a friend of mine caught them out together the next weekend. I was so angry & out of control, I called her & yelled at her. That of course was a mistake. She turned it around on me...denied everything & called me abusive. After the fog began to lift, I realized that he has been projecting his abusive behavior onto me.

Why should she be phased, right? She hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of who he really is, yet. She has no clue. She's where we were in the beginning stages. All he has to do is lie to her, about you, and lie to her about his match profile, and everything's smoothed over. All he has to do is say,"Baby, that profile was up before I met you. I can take it down if you'd like?" (at which point he probably put his profile on "hidden" or takes it down, temporarily.) You know the deal, she doesn't. The sad thing is, instead of taking what you say as a serious warning, she's going to be swayed by his mouth, and what he says about you, because she doesn't know you. She's thinks she's found love! All your good intentions are going to do is come back to bite you. In the end, the N is going wind up with a grin about the whole damn thing. Let it go, let her learn the lesson we have, in her own time. We wouldn't have listened to an OW, either. Don't feed into it and give the N a reason to think he can now triangulate the both of you. xo

I considered doing the very same thing. I have a letter to her addressed and stamped in my junk drawer in the kitchen. It contains all types of info on Narcissism and was going to send it to her. She will most likely through it away...she's his new supply and under his "spell" right now. The information I would give her would be useless because he will convince her with his lies and expert manipulative skills that he is in no way a narcissist and she will believe, rationalize, and just blow off any advice given to her. Eventually and unfortunately this OW will have to find out in due time through her own experience with him...my ex. He could be the poster child for Narcissism...I was with him for 7 years on one of the most devasting roller coaster rides I had ever allowed myself to hop on. I truly am fortunate at this point to even be alive.