BEFORE & AFTER MAKEOVER

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#1 Jan 3 - 7PM
HollyAnderson
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BEFORE & AFTER MAKEOVER

Withdrawal from Narc was forced upon me six months ago. It was as though a family member had died. BUT..

Since then:

I got my dream job
I moved into an incredible apartment
I am invited to more parties than I can attend.
I met new best friends that I may never have met.
Discovered that I'm into French Vogue and Italian coffee.
Booked a round the world trip.
Read lots of Feminist Literature.
Redefined my own understanding of Feminism.
Expanded my world.

Had I stayed with the Narc.
I would have:

Suffered his unpredictable silent treatments.
Dreamed the last six months away waiting for his validation/calls/texts
Been absent from the present moment and not have truly seen or heard those real people around me.
Swing from ecstasy to despair at his whim.
Hated myself for not feeling good enough for him.
Bored my friends with my repetitive complaints of the endless injuries he delivered... Blah! Blah! Blah!

In the end: He was a distraction and this life is too short.

My advice: Be your own dream girl. Not his. It is so much fun!!! :-)

Love and Light Xx

Jan 5 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

hollyanderson

I couldnt agree more...my life has changed so much... NO having to check my phones to see if they are working...COS HE HADNT PHONED OR TEXTED AGAIN... WRAPPING UP WARM IN THE COLD[WE HAVE 70/80MILES GALES HERE AT THE MOMENT....HAE WOULD SAY DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR SO MANY COATS, JACKETS HATS, YOU LOOK SO ORDINARY WRAPPED UP LIKE THAT!!!! NO SITTING *OUTSIDE* COFFEE SHOPS IN THESE WINDS, CATCHING SOMETIMES 6/7 COLDS A YEAR, COS HE IS SO FAT HE DOESNT FEEL THE COLD.... NO SULKING, WHEN I USED TO SAY I AM GOING HOME NOW!!!! WHEN HE CAME TO MY HOME, HIM SAYING THAT TV IS NOT LOUD ENOUGH/TOO LOUD, PULL THAT BLIND THE SUN IS IN MY EYES[AND I DID IT!!!!].... THE LIST IS ENDLESS, SO I WILL END WITH THIS.... LONG MAY HE CONTINUE TO TURN HIS BACK TO ME AS HE HAS BEEN DOING SINCE I BLOCKED HIM ON F/B.....HE KNOWS ITS OVER, I KNOW ITS OVER, THE WHOLE TOWN KNOWS ITS OVER....I WAS TOLD I HAVE CHANGED TODAY.... I HAVE...MY PEACE, AND CONTENTMENT SINCE I HAVE BEEN AWAY FROM HIM, WELL I COULDNT PUT A PRICE ON IT.... I HAVE THE SERENITY PRAYER ON THE WALL.... I HAVE ACCEPTED WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE...ITS EMPOWERING INDEED....
Jan 4 - 8AM
abusednomore
abusednomore's picture

Love this, well done all of u

Love this, well done all of u who have posted, u really r an inspiration! and gives us hope that the world is better without the Narc!!!! I have spent the past 6months down in the dumps, but now, with the new year, i am just about to move into my new home with my daughter, and have decorated it exactly how i wanted (which the narc wouldnt let me in our house!), have joined weightwatchers, am going to join a streetdance class, and have arranged lots of nights out with my bestest friends and family. Life is for living, we have spent far too much time trying to be good enough for a person who isnt even worth our time! Lets live! xxx:-)
Jan 4 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Life after Narc.. There is

Life after Narc.. There is one.. Hunter
Jan 4 - 5AM
JRB123
JRB123's picture

Inspiring!

I love this post - it's so inspiring. The quote ' Be your own dream' is just spot on! I think I was caught up in fantasy land with the narc but soon realized it was up to me to make my own dreams come true! Part of the reason I was originally drawn to the narc was because he seemed to do lots of things with his life. This inspired me to make changes in my own life to live it to the full. Life isn't just going to happen - you have to make things happen yourself. On this narc free journey I have made lots of new friends, met some positive inspiring people, got fit and gone well out of my comfort zone, and it has acted as a distraction to stop me thinking about him. Post narc I have gone surfing in Morocco, joined a gym and go 3 times a week, go to zumba, go cycling with a group of women, volunteered at Glastonbury festival, am in the process of getting my podiatry qualification updated, spent a month in Cornwall, and also most importantly found an inner strength through what felt like going through a bereavement and now realise my life is up to me and I have to make wise choices about who I want to have in it. I am so aware of red flags now and before I would've put up with them, now I have less or zero tolerance to people if they do not have good honest intentions. Maybe the narcs came in to our lives to teach us a lesson and help us grow. Strange as it may seem I do feel a different person - much more self aware and aware of others - and I'm actually ok with how I have come through this awful experience, I am definately stronger. Although I never want to repeat it!! Keep up the good work everyone! Life really is fantastic without a narc in it!
Jan 4 - 5AM (Reply to #13)
JRB123
JRB123's picture

PS:

PS: Just wanted to add - have a fantastic round the world trip! You go girl!!
Jan 4 - 1AM
fallingfoward
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Thank You

I am printing out this post, I felt so much hope in my soul when I read it. It made me cry to even think I can really have a future where I enjoy life again. Thank you so much, lots of big hugs to you.
Jan 4 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
HollyAnderson
HollyAnderson's picture

Time itself makes all things rare

We do shed our skin and life is super fun again. Everything becomes shiny new unencumbered by the Narc and his hamster wheel. Instead we get; New photographs with New crush's New cars New wardrobe New Hair New Shoes New Jokes with New friends New ambitions New inspirations New tastes New Rules New places New you doesn't even want old Narc, because everything is bigger and better than it was before and I think part of you might even feel sorry for him that he lost you, because your life is beautiful and you are so outrageously gorgeous inside and out. That is my two cents. Hugs back at you!!!!!! The weirdness of NC doesn't and can't last forever. One day you just think 'I'm good'.
Jan 5 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Hollyanderson

Spoken like a true survivor! Glad to hear it! Great attitude and great post! Continue doing what you are doing, your eyes are wide open!
Jan 4 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
spinning
spinning's picture

Holly, dearheart! Thank you!

I have thought of you often as I remember your story. I am so grateful you checked in to post this. You are telling the truth. I'm 13 months out and have never been more content in my entire 54 years on the planet. There definitely is life after disordered freak and it is better than I could have anticipated. For the first time I know exactly who I am and I like her...and so do many other nice, fun, funny and non-disordered people! xoxoxo Thank you for this. I am so grateful! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT

spinning

Jan 5 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
HollyAnderson
HollyAnderson's picture

Thank You!!

Not Spinning!! :-) and I agree utterly it feels fabulous on the other side. Six months ago when I needed support, so that I could understand the Hell I had experienced over 4 years, I found it here on this site and in your story too.. I thank you too from the heart and all the friends here who do generously share their experience and wisdom in this forum. X
Jan 4 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
fallingfoward
fallingfoward's picture

Thanks again

Again your post has bought me to tears. I want that new life so much. Your post will be one in my journal and in my purse. I felt I was just begining to live my life before I met my narc, I lost two years with him, putting my life aside, thinking he would always be there for me. Thank you again, your statements are helping me birth a vision in soul.
Jan 5 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
HollyAnderson
HollyAnderson's picture

Falling Forward

Fast Forward six months and I know that you will be here checking back to share your Narc Free tales, of happiness and of doing all the things that you want to do most in this Life. It is Goodbye Narc. Hello World!!!!! X
Jan 4 - 12AM
Gravity
Gravity's picture

Holly

Now: *Joined a gym *Got the internship of my dreams *Found a newfound faith in God *Have been referred to as "outgoing, spunky, great personality" *Got recruited for a job because a woman at my gym noticed how friendly/outgoing I was *Found out who my true friends were *Gained friends from this website (HI KIWI!) *Started eating healthy again *Started caring about my appearance again *Ready to graduate college in May *Reorganized my bedroom, and my life. *Trusted my gut feelings *Saved other women in abusive situations through working at a domestic violence shelter *and MOST IMPORTANTLY: I've found a newfound strength in myself I never knew I had If I had stayed with him, just like you: *my life depended on his validation/calls/texts *Been absent from the present moment and not have truly seen or heard those real people around me. *Swing from ecstasy to despair at his whim. *Hated myself for not feeling good enough for him. *Bored my friends with my repetitive complaints of the endless injuries he delivered *Continued neglecting my body and my life *Did poorly in school *Have panic attacks *Never sleep *Wake up in the dead of night crying and sweating from nightmares of him that caused panic attacks *Felt the need to sleep all day *Continued staying in denial because I had to be to protect myself which caused severe anxiety *Would have gotten more bruises *Would have been raped *Would have been constantly afraid and wondering if he was following me I AM SO GLAD TO BE FREE OF THESE CHAINS! We are STRONGER THAN WE KNOW! xoxoxox *hugs*
Jan 3 - 11PM
Run4it
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Holly

Love this and so happy for you!!!!
Jan 3 - 8PM
strong_enough
strong_enough's picture

Fast forward 6 months - that

Fast forward 6 months - that is where I hope to be... May the New Year keep us all strong and centered within ourselves and away from our NARC's - cause they are going no where - fast!
Jan 3 - 7PM
Hope
Hope's picture

Inspirational!!

My Sentiments Exactly!!!