Over-Intellectualizing

I am an ex social worker and that comment was not appropriate. You have gone through an emotional trauma and you want to at least know where you have been and what happened to you. Psychologists are getting outed all over the place for talk therapy that couldn't possibly work because the patients have genetic problems that effect their social functioning. they lack enough emotional intellligence to deal well with others. Borderlines can get a bit better with omega 3 diets, schizophrenics can get some real help with mega doses of vitamin B but none of these problem causing people gets any better talking it 'out' with a shrink. The victims can get some help by having the problem labeled and by finding out what exactly they have been dealing with in their relationship with a narcissist or other problematic person. I hope you have better luck with the therapist that this social worker recommended you to but watch out. Remember these people make their money by keeping you on their client list. Ask the therapist what they think about the 'over intellectualizing' comment. If you don't like the answer go to someone else. You aren't paying to be made to feel small and uncomfortable. You have gone through a terrible experience and you need to be supported and led to 'higher ground' so that you can see clearly what happened to you and how to feel safer.

I was told by just about everyone at various points thatI was over analysing. What made matters worse was the fact that I have been told this for as long as I can remember. From my parents, school teachers, ex husband, my sister, even my (now) grown up children and their partners! So at some level I thought there was something wrong with me. My way of knowing the world I live in is to analyse it. It is what makes me me! It's also what makes me good at what I do. I don't know that I particularly need to give my exs labels, however I do know (from analysing) that these relationships I was in were far from healthy. I also know that if anyone else had found themselves in either of the situations I found myself in they could not have done better. If they think they could its because they have never met anyone like this and they do not know what they are talking about. I turned my analysing to good effect. I apparently taught the volunteer from victim support a lot about abusive and violent relationships. The counsellor I saw when my violent partner attended a perpetrator programme said in a letter to me afterwards that she had learnt so much from me. I then went on to work as a Domestic Violence Worker and supported a lot of other women to understand what they were going through, or had been through. As part of this role I had to deliver training on DV to Health Professionals and I always tried to be creative to get them to think 'what if this was me?' I have continued to develop my training programme and now lecture on DV to trainee Police Officers. I use the sessions to challenge their assumptions. When I left my violent partner six years ago, everything was raw and when people challenged me I would feel really frustrated and often I felt like I was being abused all over again. Now I have the confidence to challenge people who make assumptions about me or anyone who has been in this situation. Nowadays when anyone tells me I analyse too much, I relpy, 'for who?' The pause after I say this leaves them lost for words and just in case they haven't got the message I can also add, 'since when was analysing bad?' I do accept that analysing or intellectualising without action leaves you exactly where you are, so although I would encourage anyone to dissect what they have been through I would also encourage them to use this information to move forward with their own life. Finally I agree with everyone else when they say find another therapist, or if this proves difficult be your own. If you are good at intellectualising you may well be able to find your own path through journaling or visiting this message board. Just remember it takes time, progress can be slower than you would wsih and it is never in a straight line out!

If that social worker knew anything about narcissists and psychopaths she/he wouldn't be making flippant statements like that. I guess this is why she is a social worker and not a therapist or psychologist. Take no notice and deal with a trained expert. Good luck

No. And if I were told this, I would have run to find a new therapist. This is not a normal relationship. Only a person who understands narcs and sociopaths and such will really be able to help you. It's a serious matter and important that you learn how these people work. Part of my recovery is understanding my reactions still after he has fled the scene. It is a true crime.