Have to Release - Flashbacks
Have to Release - Flashbacks
I just have to get this out. I'm getting plagued recently by these nasty little flashbacks. Moments when I was with the N and he would disappear or excuse himself to use te restroom or take a call (from his "daughter") and not return for over 20 minutes at a time.
I thought at the time he might have not been feeling well and didn't want to make him feel awkward, and he would act a little funny when he came back or be a little more attentive. (DUH!!!!!!)
Or the times where he would dance with a girl out of the blue, and I'd have no reaction and he'd explain how surprised she was there and how he knew her from work. Yet, they didn't reconnect again to talk like "friends" would. Or the excuses he'd make after he WAS on a call about how it was work related and he'd go on and on making up a huge story about the dull processing of the work.
Or after we had sex and he would disappear out to his car for a spell because he left something out there (most likely calling another girl).
Or the time he forwarded me a FAKE text from a friend as proof that he had other plans when we both knew I knew he was lying and he still thought I fell for it.
I'm still in NO CONTACT going on 9 or so weeks now and have absolutely NO UNTENTION of ever acknowledging his existence in this lifetime again, but my ego is making me nauseous.
I realize NOW what this jackass did in those moments he stepped away but am wondering why my freaking mind has to keep drumming all this up now. I already feel like a jackass for being snowed, for going against my gut from the very beginning -- enough already. I can't and wouldn't ever give him the satisfaction of telling him I knew what he did -- cause honestly back then I didn't!
DAMN, this experience will stay with me a lifetime. I'll never be as trusting and naive as I was before. I'll never ignore those gut feelings and I'll make damn sure I watching actions, not words.
Thanks for letting me vent. I want my mind to STOP with the mental torture. Ugh........... Open for advice/ suggestions if there is a way to step up the self forgiveness and stop the mental replay. :((
Thank you, this is so very
Flashbacks
Whoops, I meant to put this
I can remember in the early
i read this alot
Shiver
What everyone else said.
mandy
The Same
lol fts
Mandy
Hi Mandy
RP - you go ahead and release
Dee
Things that we stuff down
DS
ds
This totally happened to me.
Patricia
Patricia
actually
Yes....so true. Great
they are one
i feel your pain
The realization of the
ReclaimingPower
empath
ReclaimingPower
That's a great point; I don't
RP