Maybe i am a crap. No man loves me thats why i let narc abused me for a good 3 years. ST all the time and i would still try to go back. Almost 4 months out. I felt like a woman that is unloveable, unattractive.
Are you kidding me? YOU ARE NOT CRAP. Stop it. Stop listening to the BS and devaluing yourself. You are a gift. Don't let anyone make you feel that way! Okay Sweetie.
Aretha Franklin sings it:
''There was a rose I knew, I met her once or twice before
She was a pretty sweet thing, not the least bit insecure
Then you came with your slick game and played with her youth
Ashamed of the way you lied, played with the truth, hey, hey
Mmm, she never knew what hit her
Steal her honey, then forget her
A rose
She wears a flower
Tryin’ to forget about you
‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darlin’, you hold the power
Now believe me when I tell you that I’ve been hurt myself
When he tells you that he loves you and sees nobody else
And now you’re so tough tryin’ to wear tight clothes and things
Tossin’ and flossin’, tryin’ to fill the void heartbreak brings
Oh…oh…yeah
When she faces the mirror, yeah
She’s cryin’, you can’t hear her
Now the rose is still a rose
She wears a flower, tryin’ to forget about you
‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Baby, girl, you hold the power
Let your life be in the sunshine
Not the darkness of your sorrow
You may see your all today
When you know it’ll come tomorrow
Tough to be, but life ain’t over
Just because your man is gone
Girl, love yourself and love to love
‘Cause without him your life goes on
Without him your life goes on
Without him your life goes on
‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Baby, girl, you hold the power
SUMIKO, YOU'RE STILL A ROSE
Sumiko, like others have stated, he was successful in
making you feel like crap. Mine put me down all the time. Little hurtful comments. I went to his office, did lots of work for him, even ignoring my own career in favor of helping him. He is wealthy, I am not. I really needed to be concentrating on my own life and finances, but instead, I did everything he asked me to do, because I wanted him to love me. Fetching his lunch from a take-out restaurant, fixing his computer problems, etc. Even asked me to clean the toilet, which I did not do. Seriously, I think I should be treated like a princess for all that I did for him, but instead, I feel like you. A doormat. Crap.
We can get through this together. It's all brainwashing from them. And the Narc is so good at it, sometimes we miss the suttle signs of what they are doing to us.
Hugs to you :)
Dear CT u did soo much for your ex narcky. I feel your pain. Hugs!
Indeed, they brainwashed us. All done so sneakily that u dont even know it was happening.
Now we need to undo all these damage.
You can do it too!
A narc can take the most beautiful, loving and devoted woman in the world and emotionally wreck her then throw her into the garbage. That's what they do. That's ALL they do.
It is no reflection on your worth, Sumiko, and I know that you know this deep inside yourself.
Hugs,
D.
Dear D, inside me its a mess of twisted comments from narcky. All the "u are good but u are bad" bullshits. Need to purge them out or i cant feel my own soul, buried in the narc's shits.
As you become healthier, you will attract better.
And it's NOT that "no man loves you"--that sounds so final and hopeless. For whatever reason, you--and all of us here--were an easy target for an asshole. That's the basic truth. And he played with your mind, and your emotions, and twisted you up and then discarded you.
OF COURSE it's going to take time to "untwist". And heal. I totally get where you are, emotionally. A woman can't feel strong and beautiful and lovable and worthy after she's been treated like garbage.
JUST BECAUSE HE TREATED YOU AS GARBAGE, AS UNLOVABLE, AS "UNWORTHY"--DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE.
Don't you dare take his lies and bullshit on as your Truth. You ARE better than that, and if you can't believe it yet, you just trust that the rest of us already know it, and are pulling for you.
Dear WR - yes pull me along, outa the mud of BS that the narc stuck me in. So much of his BS! So deeply embedded in me that it is coming out only now. I want to thank every kind soul here for pulling me along. Thanks!
NO NO NO! It's not YOU it's THEM and it WASN'T LOVE! Stay strong you are a good person just like the rest of us, we just got PUNKED in the worst way possible! We live and learn and get stronger, God delivered us from hell now we will move on to bigger and better things in our life! We love because WE can, they CAN'T! Don't let this make you think less of yourself, your beautiful and you will prevail!
Stop that! I agree with all these other ladies! You are buying into the disordered one's bullshit!
I remember when you were "new" here and have followed your posts and read your feelings and have seen how you have cheered on others and showed compassion and sympathy for other's pain- YOU are a beautiful, loving and lovable person! And no doubt you own the "hotness factor" because most of these disordered clowns like to think they deserve the best so if you were around any real length of time, you must be pretty good to look at- not as if looks "matter" but you did point out you may be unattractive- I am willing to bet you are faaaaarrrr from unattractive!
Start re-writing that tape recorder in your head with some REAL truths about Sumiko! Not this BULLSHIT the abuser projected on to you!
love~ Layla
Dear layla thanks for your lovely post. Yes i need to purge out the assclown's poison. He has poisoned me with bits and pieces of bullshits. He loves to do a fake praise like oh u are pretty and sweet like a STALE DOLL! I got angry he said i cannot take "jokes". He said i am intelligent but pathetic to choose convayencing work over litigation work. He said i am half Japanese so i look exotic but also cos i am a mixed race bastard. Alot of such "jokes" from him, too many over the years! I need to work these out. Out of my system.
No you are not CRAP, you have been brainwashed into thinking you are CRAP, by someone who realy is crap, so he projected it on you...ruby is correct, you don't need anyone espically a *man* to validate how you are, after all this man didnt validate you did he?, he made you feel like CRAP,
sea, we have to love ourselves first, before we make any changes in our lives....you must know your worth, and practice strict bounderies, we all got sucked in ,and we all paid the price, so now is the time to get our investment back.....validation comes from within, not from some scumbag who cares only for themselves.....
if at anytime someone is disrepectful, say to your self i am worth more than this, and you are....
Yes used, i called him a scumbag in his face before. He is indeed one. He poison me so deep that these invalidations surfaced even after 4 months. I believe more poison in me to get rid of. I wana purge them out and start restoring my internal balance and start loving myself.
No way!
You are not defined by what any other person thinks of you.
Withdraw from trying to get validation through others. That's not the answer.
Dig deep and really get to know and love yourself.
You have intentionally been made to feel this way by a man who truly is crap. You are owning his feelings about himself.
That's the truth.
I love what you wrote here. Very true statements. I need to post this in my home somewhere where I can remind myself everyday of your quotes.
Thank you!
Crazy Train
You know that saying.. " you are what you eat"? A good thing you changed your diet!
3 yrs with an abuser .. It's going to take time to bounce back..
I kinda like you and I dont talk to losers or crappy people..
Hunter
No, Sea..you`re playing dear old tapes in your head. Negative tapes that were inflicted on you too early and made you doubt yourself..when we were children, our parents were the powerful figures in our lives, weren`t they?
They were our Gods..if they said, or made us feel wrong, we believed them because we knew no different.
BUT now you have a chance, to replace those tapes. When you play them, it hurts doesn`t it? In my life, all my toxic relationships that I seeked on, were with toxic people, that would eventually hurt me. We seek them as we seek those voices from childhood.
The difference now is that we do have a choice..nobody should be made to feel worthless, ignorant, or all those things..you`re a beautiful human being, and you DO have a voice..
We have listened so much to the toxic voices, that we have lost our own..but you still have it there somewhere in yourself. Don`t let them win.
Hugs to you,
GG
Dear GG- my childhood was pretty normal. I think i am replaying the ex narcky's toxic tapes. He is so far the most toxic person i have met in my life. Very subtle but enough to poison me from inside. I have normal self esteem, very much a normal woman. He could alter that chemistry. I am trying hard to stop this toxic tape from playing.
After spending 3 years with someone who seemed normal at the beginning and showed you over time how abusive and disordered he is, I think it is normal and healthy to doubt yourself and wonder if you did something to "deserve" the poor treatment you received. And that is exactly how the N has programmed you to think, and why you struggled so hard to get strong enough to leave.
4 months NC is not a lot of time away from the relationshit so please be patient with yourself. Please show yourself all the love and compassion that you have and no longer waste on people who cannot accept or reciprocate.
It will get better, and you will continue to get stronger.
Ask yourself better questions, like "Wwhat can I do right now to make myself feel good?"...watch very carefully the choice of words you use when having internal conversations with yourself. You've been through abuse already, and that is over. Be mindful not to allow it to continue in your thoughts and self talk.
Stay strong and stay NC.
Are you kidding me? YOU ARE
Sumiko
Thanks Bluemist for the
Sumiko, like others have stated, he was successful in
Dear CT u did soo much for
A narc can take the most
Dear D, inside me its a mess
As you become healthier, you
Dear WR - yes pull me along,
Sea
N2K thanks! I need these
Beautiful Sumiko- Stop that!!!
Dear layla thanks for your
sea
Yes used, i called him a
Sea
Ruby u hit the nail i have to
Sea, you are so right!
Right on Ruby!
You know that saying.. " you
Thanks hunter! U have been so
No, Sea..you`re playing dear
Dear GG- my childhood was
sumiko
Thanks empath, i shd not be