Huge Wake-up Call!!!

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#1 Nov 10 - 3PM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Huge Wake-up Call!!!

I haven't been on here in a while. I shared my story back in May, I had NC on and off for months until the end of August. Then it all started. We started talking again, but it was different, I knew he was NPD & more than likely Bipolar... but I went along. I told everyone that tried to stop me I'd be ok & that I was only going in it for one thing & one thing only... while that may have been true, we eventually get used to routine & breaking routine is never easy.

September to October- great month & great sex. Horrible person, though, the narc of course. And me a dumbass because I have lots of guys to choose from, I just chose the worst possible one.
He started doing every drug you could think of, every pill you could think of, wrecking cars, losing money, getting fired, quitting school. I have known him a total of 12 months- in that time he's had 3 jobs, 2 cars, 3 different housing setups. He's on his way back to jail here soon enough. Sex is good, it can be worth it, given you're with someone that's mentally stable, financially stable, and is in it for the same reasons you are. That's not what this is about.

My wake up call #1: The 3rd time he asks me for money. He's asked before for $5 or $10. I never gave it because we weren't together... but when he asked for $100 that was it- I was going to give it until several, including sara-smile from the site urged me not to, "owing" me would be a way to stay in contact down the road. I work my ass off for what I have, what I will get, and what I deserve. He lives off my tax paying dollars.

Wake up call #2: I never drive speed limit, I don't drive recklessly, but I do speed... I speed a lot- not all the time, and I have the necessary devices to keep me from pulling tickets left & right. The night he asked me for money was the night I decided to "dump" him... he wouldn't take that, as you can imagine. I was heading home... after threatening to call 911, he let me leave. On my way home I was pulled over, got a huge ticket, had I been going a bit faster, I would have probably gotten my license suspended in my state.

Wake up call #3: We were broken up but he was still trying to talk to me like usual. He called me over 100x in one night (all missed calls). I didn't have intentions of speaking to him again, until I get a call from his friend asking if I've seen the narc. I hadn't, then I learned that he met a 38 yr old woman at the bar & went home with her. Missed work & got fired. And wrecked his friend's car that night. I've heard he's "dating" her, he's 24, and she gives him money & buys him everything in want. Poor lady... then again, she met a 24 yr old at a bar & took him home that night.

The point is, I was aware, but I went back in for more... regardless of the reason, I went back. Call me crazy. We ALL have our "wake up" calls at some point and time but choose to ignore them? Those 3 "wakeup" calls all occured in the matter of 3 days! 3 days!

You have an inner voice that whispers the right thing to you. We all have it, never ignore it. We sometimes choose to ignore that voice & listen to their dumb narc voice instead.

NC really is the way to go, I've learned it month after month & now this for me was huge!!!

Nov 11 - 9AM
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My wake-up call after the

My wake-up call after the split was 5 months out, being diagnosed with a cerebral aneurysm that needed immediate surgery to repair...and I never once thought about informing the ex about it. He was never there for me during times of crisis and this was no different...I was simply programmed during the 7 years I spent with him to not even think of counting on him for anything...why WOULD I want to spend my life with someone whose shit I have to constantly put up with while basically being on my own?
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #15)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Syren

Wow, what a wake up call huh? I'm glad that you ARE OUT of that mess and are able to take care of yourself. It's amazing how these people are different sex, race, religion, age, etc & they are ALL the SAME--- like a textbook. Glad that you're out & doing well! Focusing on you :)
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #16)
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I know...they can't even be

I know...they can't even be exceptional in their disorder...they are garden variety in every way imaginable, right? That relationship SUCKED. I left without any good memories of it...that's a bitter pill to swallow after having devoted 7 years to a lie.
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #17)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Syren

I think something that helped me hold on besides thinking I could fix him, was, I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY! I can't explain how much I love the topic & learning about it... He's soo interesting to watch, he was like my case study. No joke. All narc relationships suck- yes, bitter pill to swallow after "wasting" 7 years... but I'm sure thats 7 years less than what some others have invested. Live N' Learn- thats life.
Nov 10 - 8PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Kiwi2005

I always think to myself "if I just hadn't gone back that last time." but.... That's what made it the LAST time!
Nov 11 - 8AM (Reply to #13)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

ruby01

Love this!!!
Nov 10 - 5PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

You know what though? You

You know what though? You sound strong. I see strength in your words. Sometimes, we break NC in small and big ways...for our own reasons. I too agree--it's truly never worth it, in the end. Good sex or not. (well maybe...I'M KIDDING...I'M KIDDING! LOL) But, for whatever your reason...you had to dive in one more time. You learned that he isn't ever going to change. If anything, they seem to get worse, when we go NC and then either go back in (like you did) or hear about them through others (like I have) It's like we evolve with NC. They just sort of morph into an even worse version of themselves...if possible. You learned. Move on. Stay NC. You sound so strong though, I think you realize what it was about. ((hugs))
Nov 10 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Deidre40

Aww thank you that means soo much to me :) Haha- it's NEVER worth it, I was told that it's not worth it, IT ISN'T. Well I knew that, but damn... Why'd I have to go back in? Ohh dear, he's gotten HORRIBLE. Haha, I like that, you're right they morph into a crazier narc. YES! THANK YOU! I feel right- because I know he ain't right ;)
Nov 10 - 4PM
Swan
Swan's picture

sometimes you feel like a nut

but now you don't!!! 'cuz you know better :-)
Nov 10 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

:) THANKS!!!

:) THANKS!!!
Nov 10 - 4PM
Swan
Swan's picture

100x

In one night??? That's friggin NUTS! Do you want a nut???
Nov 10 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Swan

YES! ONE NIGHT! I dump him Thurs night, I'm pissed about my ticket, I ignore him, Friday night he calls 100x maybe more?!?! I added up 100... but it was probably more! I had a nut, it was good while it lasted, I'm done. :)
Nov 10 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Are you sure this time?? I

Are you sure this time?? I know you have had more than three.. Please stick to NC this time. Hunter
Nov 10 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Hunter

You've known me since Day 1 of me joining this site... Basically that ticket for me represented: If you stay with him Kiwi, the next time you get pulled over & he will be with you, you'll be arrested because of whatever he's "carrying" or has in your car!!!" GOD I"M SOO CLASSY!?!?! UGH! Those are 3 BIG meaningful ones! I've had TOO many to even count!!!
Nov 10 - 3PM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

PS: I want to add that I may

PS: I want to add that I may not be the BEST person to get NC advice from... but for the first time in months, the past 2 days of NC has been the easiest it's ever been!
Nov 10 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Kiwi2005, so glad to have you

Kiwi2005, so glad to have you back posting here again. I am also glad it was bad enough to get you back out from him but that you will have no recurring wreckage to deal with down the road. Sex-- I thought only us men were so strongly motivated by lust...good to know, lol! ds
Nov 10 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

DoneSource

Thanks DS!!! Haha, you'd be amazed... it was that good, but it wasn't worth it. Remember one time you had a quote "the fucking you're getting is not worth the fucking you're gonna get"