My Narc has never tried to hoover me - that's a good thing, right?
My Narc has never tried to hoover me - that's a good thing, right?
I know it's silly, but reading all the hoover stories here I realize he has never tried to come back even once since the D&D 9 months ago... and sometimes this makes me feel like, well... I'm not even good enough to be hoovered.
It's irrational and I want to slap myself in the face when I feel that way, but this is still one of the hardest parts for me to accept: that in his eyes I was just some totally random fling (despite being his "best friend")... that his girlfriend of 10 yrs and his OW now are more important to him than I ever was.
He has tried to hoover his ex to get some compassion when he was feeling low recently. And he's still terrified that he might lose her completely as a backup source. But all he ever did with me was go for lunch 3 months ago - and this was only after I had repeatedly asked him to go for a coffee and because he wanted to boast to me about his great new job offer.
Obviously I can't build my self-esteem on how valuable I am to a Narc, I know that... but it still hurts to accept that he really just used me and I meant NOTHING to him.
I figure the reasons he never came to hoover may be:
- Things are still rosy with the OW and he is drowning in supply
- We still had to see each other every day at work until recently which provided him with supply whenever he saw I still cared ( I only went full NC about 5 weeks ago )
- I think he's scared of me or loathes me because I know him for what he is and have repeatedly confronted him over it. His ex doesn't know he cheated on her so there's a chance she might take him back and OW is totally oblivious to everything - th
He might come back to hoover one day, if I end up with job connections or info that he needs, but that's about the only scenario I can imagine.
Do they ALWAYS come back at some point? And should I simply be grateful that he never tried?
narcjunkie
Thank you all for your support :)
Let me help you see this a
Mine hasn't really hoovered.
I completely understand your
Journey on...
Take it as a compliment -- he
I had a relationship with
U are strong and clear
It is neither a good nor a
I don't know
ruby
It really is unbelievable what jerks they are!
I feel exactly the same as
Hoovering is only Ever about control
Same
He probably just knows you see through him