Empty inside.
Empty inside.
Hello...
I feel so utterly stupid.
I was with my exN for nearly eight months. At first all was great, I couldn't have wished nor wanted anyone better. He was always around me, we had some special times,and some, not so special times. He helped me close a chapter in my life and in aspects I helped him to. Knowing some of my past, he did promise me he'd never hurt me, shame it wasn't heartfelt.
Since we started dating, I have found him on dating sites, after he said he had closed his accounts. He lied, he'd told me that he had closed them both down, he was still on them. I have found old pictures and old conversations between him and some of his exes on his phone, which was normal to him. Surely, I was his future, they were his past, why keep that stuff?!
About 2- 3 months into the 'relationship' I found him starting arguments and picking things, just petty things then he'd just disappear for days on end. I'd send him a text and he'd just ignore me, until he saw fit to notice me and reply. His reply would be, ' just because youre talking to me doesnt mean im ready to talk to you'. This has happened more or less every fortnight for the last 5 or so months. Each time iv always asked him to come back, which he did, only to disappear again in another fortnights time. When he disappears, there's no conversation before hand, no trying to work it out, with him it's just automatically over, that's it. Then I'm left wondering wtf happened..what happened now?!
A few weeks ago, he was here with a friend, i was cooking a meal and for absolutely no reason started calling me names in front of his friend. I have never felt to humiliated and embarrassed. I asked him why he felt the need to do this and asked for an apology, i didn't get one, he said he was teasing me!
So I decided I'd go NC. After two days he tried to text me and ring, no joy, i ignored the contact. So he sent me an email saying he was sorry if he'd offended me, he was JOKING! He said he loved me and wanted another chance. Stupidly I gave in.
He's frustrated, where he belittled me, I lost more or less all respect for him, which has lead to nothing happening in the bedroom. Why would I want to sleep with someone who feels the need to treat me that way and who I had no respect for?! He wants sex but because he didn't get it this week, it's over.
He didn't bother to text me for a few days so I text him briefly asking if there was anything there for me anymore...he replied ' not alot Em' and then blocked me. So now I'm back to being ignored. So after that I thought sod it. I blocked his number. I sent him an email saying how hurt I was and I let rip with how pissed off I was with the way he treated me. his reply to my mail was simply, ' I hope you cleaned your fingers after typing all this crap, (havent bothered reading most of it) but all the best to you and your new 'friend'... I hope for his sake he's deaf, illiterate and impotent.' the friend he's referring to is someone iv known for over twenty years.
Iv not heard anything since. Im left wandering why? I was kind to him, showed him lots of affection and attention. I couldn't have loved him more than I did. Now I'm left feeling empty and I ache.....
Like others, I also found porn on his iPad and phone... LOADS of it, all anal. He was also very controlling, to the point I was only allowed two coffees per day, and allowed to wear certain clothes. To only wear my hair down. He'd call me stupid and possessive. If we argued, it was always my fault. He would NEVER apologize for anything. Sometimes i would have to apologise for the arguements HE started or hed go on a major sulk. Everything was his way or no way. He was also sex mad.
I'm left gob smacked as to why he'd treat me this way, all I did was love him. Before I met this man I was confident, strong and independent. Meeting my N he turned me to mush and I feel totally worthless.
I don't understand. He loved me three weeks ago, but not now?! I don't intend on breaking the NC but I'm sick and tired of sitting here thinking about him and wondering if he's thinking about or missing me, did he ever love me...?when I know in reality he isn't, it rips me to pieces. He said he'd never hurt me...he lied.
I'd appreciate any advice on how to get this 'man' out of my system pls
Stop trying to understand crazy.
Emma I could have written
"Give him what he doesn't want"
A few people have said
Welcome!
Emma
I have read this story
Oh my..
OMG
this is what they do emma
I have been on this
He's broken
its horrible
I know what you
i did the begging back
I read on the net
yes the police are aware
Getting him out of your system
Thank you tigerlily
Difficult Prognosis
It would range
Well, if he contacts you for any reason
About 100%
I don't know
sorry to digress but never in
London UK
maybe because they have no
that's exactly it