Comparing yourself to the OW

My Narc said I was his perfection from head to toe based on his last D&D email to me. That was physically.... He wasn't happy with the way I acted. It's always something with these assclowns. I was beautiful enough...just not willing to put up with his crap. Seriously, never alter yourself for another person. You are beautiful on the inside..which is all that matters. I'm struggling with feeling I'm not beautiful on the inside based on what my Narc said. I'm much more concerned about that than my obvious physical imperfections I have since I'm 40 years old.

I want to tell you about my physical experience with my Narc. I do have a large breasts with a thin body (I'm a ballroom dancer) and blond hair which he prefered (or so he said).....So, I'm 42 and he would look for imperfections, point them out ( I had lines on the back of my thighs) and give my breasts very little attention....and sometimes act as if he wished they were smaller...... The bottom line.....they are NEVER happy with what is in front of them and will always find fault with everyone..... You are perfect just the way you are!!!!! : )

Don't think of things this way. I used to worry that my XN would meet some beautiful woman and live happily ever after too. Now that we are apart he bragged to me about his new chick stating that she is more financially successful then me and smarter then me. HA! I was jealous for a minute but that soon turned to pity for the ow. I know what she is going to have to go through. Somehow I wish I could warn her. These other women have nothing by getting these low lives. Feel sorry for her! He will not change for her either. He may love her big buns but then that will get old and he will eventually tell her that she needs a breast reduction in other words he will eventually devalue everything about her! Then on to the next one he will go. they will destroy and hurt every woman in their paths. If it is not as bad with her as it was with you it is only because she is easier manipulated and controlled and because she doesn't know him yet and adores him.

they are happy with no one! big boobs,little boobs no matter! Please accept yourself as a fine total package and wasn't he attracted to you in the first place? I am pretty (not gorgeous but very attractive) naturally slim and fit with nice size boobs! My exN left and hung out with a nasty looking bar hoe with thick waist and small boobs! it does not matter how nice, smart, beautiful or fit you are, they just want attention and new supply, period. Maybe they think new supply is better for their image than us but so what! Do you think I now want to look like a grade B porn star? NO!

Last night I was grilling burgers for me and my kid. I was thinking about the cool cool people I have met this past year. I have a few new friends that I appreciate very much. I was cooking and I noticed I was so happy and content. My kid was getting the fixins ready inside, and the meat smelled so good cooking with the garlic salt, and I was smiling with no one close by. I was looking forward to dinner, Peeking on here, watching a show with my daughter, and just for feeling so free. This from a guy that couldnt sleep more than 2 hours a night a year ago. I want for nothing today. Last year I felt I had lost everything! Same guy. What has changed? Time, alot of nc with some slips thrown in (usually with the excuse that she called me), reading, learning, praying, and a willingness to look at me and what I needed to do to move on a free man. Her behavior and disorder gave me much to talk about, ruminate about, and focus on. It is important to know that they are sick and will never be even semi-normal. But moving past that to the reality that my life is my responsibility and I need to take 100 percent ownership of my future is key. I wanted to move past the pain, but didnt know how. It is happening every day now, even when I dont even expect it or ask for it. My gift to you is this...there will be a time when you will be grateful someone else has your narc...and that the mask that fooled you is gone for good. And know that since he is going to be a jerk and a bore and a phony and a liar and a cheat and an abuser for forever and a day...that you are lucky that someone else besides yourself spends their days trying to please him and figure him out! ds

Ns/Ps use the OW to create a diversion from how terribly they're treating us. They want us to be envious, longing. They want us to think we're somehow unworthy, while they're lavishing their gifts on the OW. The ex-Psych prof's girlfriend (now wife of a decade) was more tomboyish than I, she had a haircut like him... but in some ways, she resembled ME so much (to an uncanny extent) that hating her would be like hating myself. It was like seeing a twin or a reflection. It was difficult to envy her when I saw how horribly he treated HER. No physical affection. They didn't even pretend to be happy together. He didn't introduce her to his colleagues. He abandoned her. She went running down the stairs after him... and they were arguing all the way down. His plan to triangulate me backfired. If he HAD treated her better than me, yes, I'd be sobbing over how she stole "my" man and how she robbed me of such a gem of a husband&father... but NO. She got my gratitude. Everlasting gratitude, for having gotten him OFF MY HANDS. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ENVY THAT???

I understand your feelings. And I think they are legitimate as any feelings or emotions. You were verbally abused in regards with your physical appearance. I think it hurts very deeply. But that was done intentionally. Now you are seeing him with a woman who has those physical traits that you don’t have. Again, I think it is absolutely normal to feel the way you feel. I think every single human creature is affected by how others perceive us, especially by those that we love. Of course he is a total looser by saying those nasty things to you. This is the part you have to accept. He is an N, a dark soul, incapable of love. He does feel physical attractions to a large breast – fine, many men do. But not a man with the self respect and a bit of heart would ever put it this way to a woman they are intimate with. No matter if they love her or not. So he is a total looser. Now, about you. Sweetheart, when we are loved, every piece of our body and soul is loved. We can be chubby/skinny, young/old, big breast or a flat one. How many times I saw men not falling in love for incredibly beautiful women and “ losing their mind” for the very ordinary ones. And here is the key to the famous self love. “I love my self they way I am” and I know I am loveable for who I am with all my physical and even non physical aspects. Please, do not beat yourself for feeling the way you do, it will pass

That is kinda shallow LOL! Only narcs think that way. truthfully, honey, she could be two ton tessy or twiggy, it doesn't matter to them what she looks like, it only matters to us. And it shouldn't. They use women. There is no love there. Pretty soon he'll be comparing her to you because that's what they do. They don't go with a woman because she has big boobs and a gorgeous face, they go with a woman because she's willing to be his victim. Not at first, because she doesn't know it, but she will. Don't focus on the physical. It's shallow and especially to the N, completely meaningless. It's not about you or her, it's always about HIM.