Paranoia?

He is disordered that your only answer your only closure, Why does he do this? His a SOB with no soul. What he is dishing you is ABUSE! You need to get control, yes it hurts but you need to just do it. lets go for 5 days. as far as his surgery He may be lying. Hunter

For us "normals" - once we realize that we've been lied to by someone we thought was trustworthy, that's when the suspicion starts. Once the suspicion settles in, is when we start to do things that don't seem quite so normal... checking up, trying to find out what ELSE he's lied about. I found myself being a little bit "stalker-y" - and I've never done that kind of thing before, because I've never been involved with a Narc before. I think the cog/dis that comes after a betrayal of trust can make even the most normal among us behave like a big ol' box of froot loops.

It's like a cycle we go through. When I first met mine I was independent, didn't need anybody and basically said I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship. Within a month he had me hooked and I was giddy as a schoolgirl. Once he started pulling away, I started getting insecure and obsessing and became clingy. I felt like such a loser and he preyed upon this telling me, what are you worried about, stop obsessing about everything, it's all fine, you're too paranoid, etc. I began to blame myself. I'm the one messing up the relationship because I have lost focus on what normal is. I need to learn to pull back more and relax. How can one relax though when the signs are all there of the push and pull, the silent treatment, the arguments over nothing. It was draining mentally, physically and emotionally. We broke up because I couldn't take it anymore. Round two: Back together again. This time I will be more normal. Be less needy. Not want to talk to him every day on the phone. Stop complaining if he doesn't call me back when he says he's going to. Put up with him being late. Stop rocking the boat. He pulled away again. Same needy clingy cycle came back. I'd be stressed out all day if I didn't hear from him. In the beginning he'd call ten times a day. Everytime he got in his car to go somewhere. When he was on his way to work, when he got home. When we went to bed. Then down to one or two short conversations a day or none. Why didn't you call me? I was too busy. Yeah right. We broke up. Round three: Within two weeks he was pulling away. I knew something was off. Confronted him. I'm paranoid. It's all okay. Back nice again. Next week, pulled away again. I tell him we don't have to be together. If he has something to tell me be honest. If he lies and I find out, I walk. He lies. I find out. I walk. Round four: Now I really am more able to control my emotions and acting more like a normal partner. If he doesn't call, I don't freak. I'm getting on with my life. It's going good. Goes good for a while. Niggly voice though. I'm recognizing I'm compromising too much. I putting up with crap that I should be questioning. I'm not rocking the boat as I should demanding my needs be met. I'm still not my own person. There was a very serious D&D when I was in the ER that I actually let go. I ended up being fine, but we didn't know that at the time and he treated me horribly in there. He wasn't even going to come because he'd just settled down for dinner with his friend and he was tired from getting up so early. I amazingly, let it go. What a nutjob I was! The message it sent to me though could not be taken back. I was worth nothing to him. Nothing. One week later another D&D and I said that's it. I'm done. And, I meant it that time. Coming up on five months no contact and I don't lay awake thinking about him anymore. I don't regret my decision. I would rather make myself happy than put up with that ever again. He doesn't even deserve to be my friend. So, all that to answer your question in short: It doesn't matter what you do. Stop blaming yourself.