Red flags?

Hi Alisa, These would be some of mine: 1) They "lovebomb" you at the start using intense flattery. e.g. They like everything that you like. They seem to admire eveything about you and approve of everything you do. They tell you you're the most beautiful woman they've ever met. 2) They use pity (yours) to get you to feel sorry for them early on. e.g. Their beloved pet has just died, a family member is ill or they nearly died at birth etc. They do this to test your emotional output, in other words, to see how easily you can be moved (manipulated) by a sob story. 3) They want the relationship to move fast. e.g. They are trying to get engaged to you, get you to move in with them or talking about having kids within the first 6 months of the relationship. 4) They make grand gestures but shy away from real responsibility. e.g. They might offer help excessively when you don't actually need any or make a big fuss to look after you when you've got a tiny cold. But when you are really ill or really in need of help they avoid you, make excuses or tell you they are unavailable, even if it's very important to you. 5) They display a lack of empathy. e.g. They don't show compassion to others or show remorse when their beahviour has had a negative impact on others. They may have a tendancy to laugh at the mis-fortune of others. 6) They are vague or secretive about their past or other aspects of their life. e.g. They don't show you old photos, they don't seem to want you to meet old friends or get to know their family. 7) They can't take criticism but are highly critical of others. e.g. They make comments about other people that you instinctively feel that you could not make to them without offending them. 8)They are polite to people in authority but rude to people who they consider to be inferior. e.g. They are polite to their boss at work but rude (or abrupt) to the waiter in the restaurant. 9) They are unable ever to accept blame or admit to being at fault in any way. e.g. If you ever argue, you are always the one to apologise. Every problem is "someone else's fault". 10) If your gut is telling you that something is not right. e.g. If you're not happy with the way he has just treated you but you feel like you can't complain. If he seems inconsistent in his behaviour. If you start to feel like you are not sure that he is who you thought he was. Hope this helps! xxx

Hi alisa—I’d say the #1 red flag to look for in any relationship, is how do you feel with the person? If you start having a pit in your stomach…you know, remember how you felt with the narc? And that pit in your stomach, and worry, etc…starts to grow every time you’re together…it’s time to discontinue with that person. I remember having those terrible feelings in my stomach. An intense anxiety, heart pounding feeling, whenever I’d get ready to talk to the narc…or he’d send me a text. This was of course after he started showing his true colors. I kept ignoring those feelings. I will never ever ignore those types of feelings again. For that’s your gut warning you to flee. So to me. It’s more of how you are feeling, than anything this new guy is doing or not doing, that would be the red flag. On the flipside, no one is perfect…and we have to be mindful to not overthink dating someone new. I wish you well as you continue on!

Hi Alisa. Narcs seek supply from the opposite sex within a relationship, they seek supply from co-workers, from their own children, AND from new aquaintances.........but, with that said, just because he is talking about himself a lot now, it is the "get to know" process and people do tend to talk about themselves more often in that period. It is awesome that you picked up on him not asking "you" questions, however he does listen when you talk. This is key, pay close attention to this red flag. Other red flags, in my experience would be the following........ 1. intrusiveness: does he call often? too often? at times when he knows you are preoccupied? 2. does he ask inappropriate questions, that seem "ok" but makes you a little apprehensive to answer. does he speak openly about sex? 3. ask him about his relationship with his Mother. Ask him about his ex's, are they still friendly? If he have nothing but negative to say about them, run for the hills. 4. how is his spending? does he seem to have a lot of expensive toys? does he seem to have an attitude that money is no object? 5. does he ramble when he speaks? does he jump from one topic to another without you being able to get a word in edgewise? does he seem all over the board? 6. if you start to date, and he seems too good to be true, and is moving very quickly, telling you that you are "the one"......RUN FOR THE HILLS! I am sure everyone here has some more to add to this list of red flags........ It stinks that we have to view the world without our rose colored glasses now, but they did do us a favor. We are more alert to this type of human being. Good luck! I hope you find him to be a non-narc!!