Moving On, Feeling Down, Need a Little Help
Moving On, Feeling Down, Need a Little Help
I really wish it didn't hurt.
Despite my NC, it's still possible for things to fall through the cracks, and I'm seeing evidence that Narc Boy has made friends with 3 new people recently, all of whom are friends or at least acquaintances of mine.
It's sometimes hard to believe this is a coincidence. I'd like to think I'm being paranoid, but it does make me wonder if it's just more hoovering in a different form.
It's hard, though, because:
1) I don't want him sinking his claws into these people, but I know if I warn them they'll probably think I'm the one with the problem.
2) I get jealous. I don't want to, but for an instant I feel jealous because I find myself thinking that he isn't hoovering me directly, so maybe he's given up, and now I feel like I'm not getting his attention. It's really screwed up because I don't WANT his stalker-like attention and this is a GOOD thing. But it still hurts.
3) I find myself contemplating breaking NC. I reason that if he's OK with these other people then maybe finally he'll be OK with me. I have to keep reminding myself that I know he'll punish me for standing up to him, then suck me in, then hurt me all over again.
4) I feel left out. I know it's best for me not to get involved in their online bantering and stuff, but I still feel left out.
5) I don't like seeing him well-regarded, when I know the reality of what a monster he is. I want to see him pay for his treatment of people, instead of skipping away to the next victim over and over.
I really hate these people. Every time I find ways to cope with his shit, he finds some new way to torment me and I have to set up all new defences. Doesn't it ever end? I wish I'd never met this sick freak.
Thanks for the kind words,
PP- I can relate!
Journey on...
Journey
Don't know exactly. If you
Journey on...
PP
Wow!
Online issues...