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Moving On, Feeling Down, Need a Little Help

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#1 Aug 9 - 1PM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Moving On, Feeling Down, Need a Little Help

I really wish it didn't hurt.

Despite my NC, it's still possible for things to fall through the cracks, and I'm seeing evidence that Narc Boy has made friends with 3 new people recently, all of whom are friends or at least acquaintances of mine.

It's sometimes hard to believe this is a coincidence. I'd like to think I'm being paranoid, but it does make me wonder if it's just more hoovering in a different form.

It's hard, though, because:

1) I don't want him sinking his claws into these people, but I know if I warn them they'll probably think I'm the one with the problem.

2) I get jealous. I don't want to, but for an instant I feel jealous because I find myself thinking that he isn't hoovering me directly, so maybe he's given up, and now I feel like I'm not getting his attention. It's really screwed up because I don't WANT his stalker-like attention and this is a GOOD thing. But it still hurts.

3) I find myself contemplating breaking NC. I reason that if he's OK with these other people then maybe finally he'll be OK with me. I have to keep reminding myself that I know he'll punish me for standing up to him, then suck me in, then hurt me all over again.

4) I feel left out. I know it's best for me not to get involved in their online bantering and stuff, but I still feel left out.

5) I don't like seeing him well-regarded, when I know the reality of what a monster he is. I want to see him pay for his treatment of people, instead of skipping away to the next victim over and over.

I really hate these people. Every time I find ways to cope with his shit, he finds some new way to torment me and I have to set up all new defences. Doesn't it ever end? I wish I'd never met this sick freak.

Aug 10 - 9AM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Thanks for the kind words,

Thanks for the kind words, guys and gals. I have to confess that when I woke up this morning, for some strange reason I felt on top of the world. I think I've been internalising Narc Boy to a degree - it's like he got in my head. I feel better now though.
Aug 9 - 4PM
Journey
Journey's picture

PP- I can relate!

You just described exactly how I still feel when my ex comments on posts or photos of mutual friends or acquaintances on FB (people I initially introduced him to!!). I hate that I feel my hands are tied and I can do nothing about whatever relationships he still has with them without coming across as the 'crazy' one. Social networking makes it that much harder to be ignorant of what he is doing, or to ignore him. I wish they would all just de-friend him - lol - not something I could ask for or expect, but it sure would make my recovery go a lot much smoother ;) Sigh!

Journey on...

Aug 9 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
strongblackcoffee
strongblackcoffee's picture

Journey

I wonder... If you block thm on FB, doesn't it block all of their posts and they can no longer see yours? Eek! I hope that is the case ... C
Aug 9 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
Journey
Journey's picture

Don't know exactly. If you

Don't know exactly. If you de-friend them it blocks most things (controllable in privacy settings) if you only 'hide' them, they still have access to see what you post but you don't see them in your news feed anymore. There are people I am not friends with, but if they comment on my friends' photos, I still see their comment depending on THEIR privacy settings. I haven't blocked my ex on FB cause of our bus relationship and the need to maintain 'friendly' cooperation. I just avoid paying him attention and try not to look at his profile. Luckily, he isn't very active on FB so I don't have to deal with it in my face very often.

Journey on...

Aug 9 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

PP

Master Manipulators! You have this down, all they do is hurt, they really never go away. I like you, many here like you, whatever friends you lose, you gain better ones! You now know better, you are on red alert, new friends you make will be good ones. You have a great life you have your partner, enjoy what you have! Leave the weapon of mass destruction behind. It's not your problem!! Hunter
Aug 9 - 3PM
chimpy1985
chimpy1985's picture

Wow!

Isn't it awful. I have also experienced a very similar situation to you here. I agree with bakingfortherapy Social networking is fantastic at times, but in these situations AWFUL.. Is there anyway that you can delete these people without causing a ruccus? In the end that is what I had to do and just accept the fact that if they cant see what a f***tard of a person he is, then I dont want them in my life either. If you feel like they arent going to listen when you warn them off him, then I wouldn't waste your breath.. They arent worth your friendship. My N deleted me off every form when I left him, but he continued to be EVERYWHERE on everything he knew I could see which just drove me insane. They do it because they know it gets to you. They know that you will see it/read it/ read into it and then feel horrible like you do now. Best thing to do if you can is just ignore it and go and find fun banter with sommeone else!! I do agree that you should keep NC though. He will have only won if you dont.. Good luck though and chin up... in this day and age social networking makes these situations a million times harder XOXO
Aug 9 - 2PM
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

Online issues...

I am a rarity in thus day and age. I am not "online" I don't do social networking at all. Only email, linked in for work. A couple yrs ago my company wanted all of us to be on fb for business purposes. I refused bc the hellish mess has just started with the N. My life- with all of the cheating and pain was splashed all over my town. I experienced almost strangers knowing my personal business. I guess I want to try to keep my privacy. That being said, i realize that social networking is very common and can be great in many ways but it can also be a way to see and know about N. It's hard enough trying NC and move forward after we have been through such a trauma. But seeing and hearing about N online? That's just tough. I am nit sure the answer. Can you downsize what you view? Can you ignore info you know? I do know I would stay NC. The rate of return doesnt seen to be worth it.