I think I may have broken rules of NC
I think I may have broken rules of NC
..Yeah. I`m not proud of that, has been the Ns b`day and I snooped on his FB profile. Loots and lots of triggers, songs, old stuff hoovering and small new stuff..he knows that I know he is emotionally disturbed and pathologial liar, so I didn`t answered any of his so called "triggers". He seemed sort of desperate and needy this time, noticing that I ignored his signals.
But :"> I have not totally ignored him unforcinatelly. I guess seeing old stuff made me "missing" him, a lot more. I can`t say I contacted him directly, but I`ve been on a music channel, where he have each other as friends, and appreciated the video "Love the way you lie", knowing he can probably see it. In the past, that was our way of "communication", through songs. Me giving "love songs" of course as N supply.
I wouldn`t consider that a "supply", just more of a conclusion as everything that has been between us, and everything that I don`t wish to repeat any longer. Though to him, if he sees it, it could appear as "supply" and "oh, I just had to lie one more time to get her back"..
I had guilty feelings for abandoning, and regardless of what he may or may not answer or think, I`m going to be long gone by then, in a journey with myself. I hope he doesn`t consider that "I`m in the game again", because that is not going to happen. Thank God he`s blocked on FB.
But anyway..I guess that NC was invented especially for our safety, not theirs. In a way, I acted like that maybe for fear of facing my inner fears and void. Because I had moments where, instead of daily drama and confusion from the Narc, there comes this sadness, and desire that things were different. Huh, I guess I`m trying to convince myself not to repeat this "trigger snooping" again. I know arleady what I`m going to find. More chaos, more drama, more confusion, and me stuck inside it.
Hope the obsessing will get less and less with time :(..I have moments when I have the impression I invented all this N story, and that I`m insane. But still, a normal individual respects your boundaries. Ns don`t..
Your Past
Yes, it is my past..but I
greengirl
Thank you for the support
trigger snooping
Yes, CD all the way. It only
you're not insane. It
Thank you for your message, I
No Contact
Exactly..when we focus on
Exactly..when we focus on