CD to the extreme

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#1 Jun 13 - 7AM
hryan77
hryan77's picture

CD to the extreme

I can't seem to get out of this fog...I know it has to be CD, but I'm a wreck a complete and total wreck.
I've already been crying today, I don't miss him at all...I would never take it back...

I don't know if it's that we were supposed to be going on vacation this week, if it was the email I found last week, hearing about the OW on Friday or what...but I'm obsessed STILL that he'll change, that therapy will work this time, that he's happy, that his life is great, the OW will work out...that he'll be everything I saw before the mask dropped...I'm a mess...I feel that he is happy, happy to be rid of me, free of me...that I was just another mistake to him.

I can't take this...therapy isn't helping

Jun 13 - 4PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hyran

The early stages are very difficult...VERY difficult...many are in trauma. This was a psychological rape...I'm not saying this lightly. Many therapists don't really know how to treat trauma properly. The methods are different. In fact, when a victim is ill informed of Narcissism, they are unable to articulate why they're on the edge...it appears the patient is "over-reacting" and can end up labeled as having a personality disorder themselves which is INaccurate but the therapist is unable to get to the source because the victim is unable to express it due to lack of knowledge. Not all therapists are created equal which is why it may not be helping...drugs are nice to take the edge off and it may help you get more centered - but the real task is finding a competent therapist. Continue to read, continue to share, and start looking for a new therapist. Below a link with information of things you may want to consider when searching. All the best and hang in there...this is a Normal response to an incredibly Abnormal situation. http://www.camh.net/Care_Treatment/Resources_clients_families_friends/Women_abuse_trauma_therapy/women_trauma_choosing.html PS. Although an "addiction" site, it was one of the more comprehensive in terms of finding adequate treatment for TRAUMA.
Jun 13 - 4PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hyran

The early stages are very difficult...VERY difficult...many are in trauma. This was a psychological rape...I'm not saying this lightly. Many therapists don't really know how to treat trauma properly. The methods are different. In fact, when a victim is ill informed of Narcissism, they are unable to articulate why they're on the edge...it appears the patient is "over-reacting" and can end up labeled as having a personality disorder themselves which is INaccurate but the therapist is unable to get to the source because the victim is unable to express it due to lack of knowledge. Not all therapists are created equal which is why it may not be helping...drugs are nice to take the edge off and it may help you get more centered - but the real task is finding a competent therapist. Continue to read, continue to share, and start looking for a new therapist. Below a link with information of things you may want to consider when searching. All the best and hang in there...this is a Normal response to an incredibly Abnormal situation. http://www.camh.net/Care_Treatment/Resources_clients_families_friends/Women_abuse_trauma_therapy/women_trauma_choosing.html
Jun 13 - 9AM
Bitter-sweet
Bitter-sweet's picture

It is very difficult to stop

It is very difficult to stop thinking about them in the early stages. Is there anything you can do to redirect your thoughts? Can you maybe give yourself a few really simple tasks to do- even if its just ringing a friend when you start to slide. Review them at the end of the day- see that you are making progress and functioning without him. It will change and at first our feelings are different every day. I'm 17 months NC and mostly feel great now but if I don't sleep properly and think about him at night, I'm plagued with thoughts about him the next day and have to work really hard to shake them off. If you are having problems sleeping, your therapist might be able to help. He won't change though and he won't be happy without you. I don't believe an N can be happy. They just go on replaying the same patterns over and over- luring someone then being dissatisfied with them. They are actors and every emotion is fake. Your pain is real and it will pass, I promise.
Jun 13 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
hryan77
hryan77's picture

thank you

I really am having the worst time...I just want it to stop. I wish I could just fastforward through all of this...hell maybe a year or two...
Jun 13 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You need to see a Doctor!

You need to see a Doctor! Hunter
Jun 13 - 8AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

How long have you been

How long have you been NC? I'm 3 months with minimal contact (child) and only in this last week has the fog almost fully cleared. It's such a relief when it does, everything becomes a lot clearer. Be patient, you just have to ride this one through I'm afraid. Stay strictly NC, it will get better I promise! There is too much evidence that he is incapable of change. Deep down you know this. You know he is a narcissist and will never be truly happy. It's only a matter of time before the OW is dragged through hell too! He is hollow and will be hollow forever. Hugs Xox
Jun 13 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
hryan77
hryan77's picture

Littleone

I've been NC for 5 weeks today...left him 7 weeks ago. Haven't heard anything from him in a little over three weeks. I decided to reschedule my therapy for tonight rather than Thursday...not sure if it will help, but I need it
Jun 13 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You need to change you frame

You need to change you frame of thinking! You are relating to this PDI as a normal feeling thinking human! He is not, you should be thanking God you are away from abuse and saying a silent prayer for the OW! Turn your thoughts to you, it's hard but try! It's baby steps. Today do one thing to make you smile, like, say hi to a stranger! Hunter