How many of your ex's never contacted you again after the D&D?

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Jun 22 - 6PM
sarah787
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He broke up with me...

4 months ago. He use to break up with me all the time. Usually only lasting a couple of days. Our biggest one was the summer before. He tried to keep it going for 2 weeks- and then came running back. After a few weeks from our most recent breakup I thought "He'll be back..my cousin just died...he knows how upset I've been.." he never came back. He started dating ow posting them all over fb. He went from practically proposing to me on v-day to never contacting me again. So, what did I do...I initiated the contact. (How pathetic) He threatened to call the police..he told me I was so pathetic, and to never talk to him again. Finally I went 40 days. Then texted him last night. I seriously felt obsessed with him. I wanted to tell him once in for all he hurt me, because the last convo we had was good- and I told him how utterly amazing he was. So last night I told him how I thought he betrayed me, and his response was "the problem wasn't me- it was you inability to handle your emotions." Yeah no sh*t I had a death in the family!?! It was my mistake for staying with him for months after he broke up with me in the first place, but if he really didn't love me/care than he shouldn't have lied to me. That's the cognitive dissonance part. "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you," and the next days "Get the f out of my life." That's not how normal people act. SCREW THEM. I am NEVER talking to this mofo again. We need to thank our lucky stars they want to peace out.
Jun 22 - 10PM (Reply to #16)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Sarah

Betty is right. He's pure psycho. Thank God you got out when you did. You're so much better off without him ruining your life. Normal people don't act that way. Good riddance! Stay strong!
Jun 22 - 10PM (Reply to #15)
betty2020
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hes pure psycho sarah. you

hes pure psycho sarah. you are lucky. The ow doesnt know how unlucky she is yet but that will come too. Thank god your free and safe now and have a chance. Pray for the ow.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jun 22 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
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The "inability to handle emotions"

That is so cold. It's something I'll never understand (and perhaps hope I never do) That's downright brutal to tell someone they can't handle their emotions after a death in the family. My ex-P was the same way. He told me to "toughen up" and that I needed to handle my emotions after my grandfather died. But then he also told me (it was a rare, rare moment of vulnerability, "I'm not God" and outright honesty) that his lack of emotions scared his own parents as a child... and that they'd take him to Worcester State Hospital. He said I couldn't handle emotions... but he doesn't have any, and that terrified his poor parents.
Jun 23 - 3AM (Reply to #13)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Susan

When i was upset over a death in my family he said "people die its part of life thoughen up " hmm unless it was his grandad where i had to listern to hours no days of my life hearing how sainted he was ... I didnt mine really... but its a bit rich that i wanted to express grief and thats what i get from him ..It 0ne rule for him and another for us mere mortals ...
Jun 23 - 10AM (Reply to #14)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Illness in the family

My ex-P had talked about how his aunt(?) I think had come down with cancer or something like that, and how he'd have go to Massachusetts. It was around the time my grandfather died. One of his relatives was seriously ill--and when I showed him sympathy, and told him I hoped she'd get better, he got nasty and basically did the "people get sick, it's part of life" routine. A relatively normal Narc would've milked it for the sympathy (or for looking saintly), but my ex-Psychopath had NO FEELINGS AT ALL. And this was a member of his family. He was as cold about his own relative as was about mine. He was so cold, clinical, matter-of-fact about it, it was chilling.
Jun 22 - 1PM
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

Well.........

This Friday will be 9 weeks since N left. I got an email from him about 7 1/2 weeks ago telling me he was so sorry about how everything went down and he is not happy there with HER, but guess where he still is ?? WITH HER !! And I have not heard from him since that email 7 1/2 weeks ago !! :(
Jun 22 - 1PM
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

I know this isnt what you want to hear but....

Mine contacts me. In fact he broke up with me two months ago and the longest we have gone without talking is 2 days. I know you dont want to hear that you are lucky but trust me it makes it so much easier. I just opened a thread that talks about I feel like I am on autopilot when he contacts me. Even though I know it is bad for me and I really dont want to see him I still respond. What would you do if he did contact you? Would you be strong enough to ignore it?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jun 23 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Autopilot

I can relate to the autopilot, when my x got out of jail, I felt that way for the 36 days he was out. He was pissed cuz he knew I was done. He kept saying, u seem like ur tired of me, u don't seem like the old Goldie (do u think?). I believe he thought I would never be done. He used to boast about how much I loved him and would let him do whatever he wanted like it was all a joke. He actually said, it is not my fault you were so gaga in love with me that you let me do whatever I wanted. That statement just about wrapped it up for me. When he hit me again I called the police and he was behind bars where a man belongs who lays a hand on a woman. I feel nothing for him now and almost cannot remember ever loving him. I am fortunate that this man showed his colors so soon into the relationship and even though I lost much I was able to get out because the contrast from before the mask was lifted was so incredibly startling. Living on autopilot is a bad sign, means we have shut down and are in self protection mode. Not anyway to live. I am practicing NC now and this is what works best for me. Someone who brings you down and trys to take you out which is what autopilot is, does not deserve so much as my glance in his direction. We all have to do what is best for us and I support you in deciding what that is for you. God Bless, Goldie
Jun 22 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

rainbow1

Ignore it by responding? Yes. Would I still read it or listen to the message? Most likely.
Jun 22 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

And it would just make it so

And it would just make it so much harder. At first I thought that I could still talk to him and have it not hurt me but this was during the time when he was being mean. When he would text me mean things it actually helped me get over him. But now that he is back to acting nice and wanting to see me I think that NC is the best way to go!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jun 22 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

rainbow1

I cannot type! I meant I would ignore him by NOT responding, but would still listen to his message or read his email. It has been 3 months since I have had contact with him. He has not emailed, called, NADA.
Jun 22 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Steph
Steph's picture

hitandrun

I've had one's that do contact and ones'sthat don't. I think sometimes we think if they contact us then that will give us closure because we can be the one to reject and ignore them. Reading what rainbow1 is going through though.....it doesn't give closure. Just keeps messing with your head/thoughts. Prevents you from moving on. 3 months is not very long out for you, so don't be hard on yourself and think that you should be doing better than you are. there is good and bad days and it takes time. I am 6 months out....and definately not fully healed but improved. Just keep hanging in there. And celebrate the fact that you are strong enough NOT to contact him and be so thankful that someone is watching out for you and he is NOT contacting you. We're all in this together:) Keep posting. xoxo
Jun 22 - 11AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The disappearing act

After I found out my ex-P had a girlfriend, I gave him the cold shoulder/NC. I realized why he wanted me to call his office phone instead of his home phone... there would've been an awkward "meeting" between the OW and I. He would've gotten caught earlier. So, I went NC on my ex-P, and if I DID run into him on the college campus, I'd ask him for accountability/an apology. Our last conversation went: Me:You hurt my feelings. Him: You were inappropriate. That was it. Talk about "closure." Looong before I had gone NC,he had been a personal reference for a teacher education program. Several weeks into the teacher education program, I was told to leave because I was a "danger to children." I think it was his desperate plea for attention. I didn't break NC;I was too angry. I had gone from being my ex-P's constant lunchtime/concert companion,one of the few people who tolerated his company (his fellow professors and his students hated him)... to being erased. He told me he wanted me to forget him. After all, I had caught onto his act. I told him that he LIKED seeing me in pain, that he had hurt me on purpose... no wonder, unlike a normal person, he hasn't apologized or tried a reconciliation of sorts. Normal people have fallings-out. Sometimes, normal people don't speak to each other for years. But it's not the same with Ns/Ps.
Jun 22 - 10AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

contact again.....

Mine did a few weeks after i left send me some emails saying I am not trying to mmake conversations with you again but believe it or not i am worrying about how you are doing...3 weeks later,another one saying I am sure we will be talking like friends in the future but without the high expectations we had from each other in the past...And stupid me,i called him and things really got nasty, he blocked me everywhere,but only after he did rub my nose on his new conquests,lies about being gay or having cyber sex with God knows who or what...he never called me or sent me an email for about a year and 2 months now....And he disapeared from the internet ,totally...And from my life too....(please read my story..)

Aceonelady

Jun 22 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Aceonelady

Oh Aceonelady that is so typical of them . They make contact to say "i dont want to talk but ..." ..Lord save us !Mine a week after the last d&d turned up on my doorstep , he was there when i got home ...."i dont want you back , i just wanted to see you are alright " arrrggggggg!!