How many of your ex's never contacted you again after the D&D?

It's been almost a year since this post. I am curious, have you ever heard from him?

He stopped calling last Sept. He stopped emailing last Nov He stopped texting Dec. 30 He just, emailed, texted and called 9 months later and showed up here in town...I was sure I would never hear from him but you people said I would and I did. I do not know if he cares for me or just did a little Narc sport. I am not healed yet and am too easy on him - he treated me and our relationship very recklessly and coldly after his move. I pretty much folded when he was here - did not sleep with him but was very kind to him after attempting to be tough on the phone - that did not last long.. I don't even know if I want it to be over but he went back and is across the country. I will soon force myself to start dating to break the spell that there is only one man, a dysfunctional toddler, in the universe....good luck to you in your recovery

My exN waited 2 months and called me and told me how all the women he was meeting were nothing compared to me and he wanted me back. We met for dinner and I told him what I needed and he told me he would make sure I could trust him again. He proceeded to change nothing and expected me to learn to just keep him as he was before with no changes. 2 weeks in I dumped him. 2 weeks of complete NC he called me and accused me hacking his email and sending a virus to everyone in his address book. He was too stupid to realise he did it to himself. He then slandered me to anyone and everyone we knew and called our mutual friends many many times to tell them all the things I said about them. My true friends never rang him back and blocked him. There are moments the cognitive dissonance rises up but most of the time I have a smile on my face and glad to be rid of him.

Oh, I know how this feel. But not to worry, if he has the traits of Narcisism he will come back when you expect less. As if nothing happened. Expecting to be loved and taken care of (after all, it`s all about what HE wants and needs right? ) You are just a button on his long schedule of "needs"..until he sucks the life out of you, and passes to the next one. The good news is, you can recover. I know it feels like the end of the world, for many of us it is like a rape of the soul, but it will be better. You will recover, you will find your light within again. But Those people never will. They feed on other people`s light. My ex N did come back, after posting pictures with him and OW, that after throwing "shadows" of idealization as always. Only that this time, I know this cycle too well. Idealization, Withdraw, Devaluation and Discard. And then repeat. If you catch yourself missing him, missing the one you thought he was, remember this: after few moments of heaven idealization, ( the calm before the storm) he will feel you got too close, and will punish you harder, and harder everytime. I know this is exactly what would have happened to me this time, but I thought before him this time. With the help of God and this forum, hopefully we will learn to laugh again! Peace!

Mine called one time to volunteer to build my website for my business. I said no thanks. I HAD to. No way was I giving him a chance to 'look good' after he D&D'd me. He knew that I knew he had jumped right back on a loser dating website within a few days of our breakup. He knew how much I loved him and wanted us to work through our problems. So how could he NOT realize that hanging with him as he shopped for a better woman would hurt me deeply? Because he is a Toxic Narcissist and they don't feel empathy! I knew that this was his way of making himself feel better for treating my so poorly. I was also smart enough to remember - I don't want an abusive, sleazy, dishonest, self-centered exN as a friend. NC after that!

Mine's still finding new and 'creative' ways to get to me. lol Soon...carrier pigeon might happen...or let's see. He'll find a way to communicate with me telepathically. lol! He picked the phone up once, to call. Oops...twice. The one time, he said he called me by accident. lol Forgot about that. His MO has been to bait me into calling him. He likes the attention. He lives for the drama. I'm done though. I am truly healing, and don't want any more setbacks. Think of them going silent as speeding up the NC process. I imagine it hurts to be ignored. Completely and utterly. Don't fool yourself though. They hope you call/text them. It's abuse. They are very controlled, and patient people--those who employ silent treatment methods. It's even used in the military--MILITARY SILENCE. So, there is a strategy behind it.

CharlieSheenWinning had NewWinningWife to take up his time, so I'm forgotten. I might as well not ever have existed. It's for the best but it hurts. I know how you feel.

mine contacted me once after I went NC to send a threatening text about how I had caused him to lose his sons by sending his wife an email with all the information I found about him I did not respond, my husband did that was the last time at first when I got here and read about hoovering I was sad that I didn't get hoovered but now I'm very glad because in those first few weeks I would have fallen prey to him again...I wasn't strong enough to resist him until I found this place!

Mine contacted me Two weeks after the D&D and vandelism to my truck. I did not respond. Then four weeks later, after we ran into each other at the gas station. It was like seeing me triggered something in that crazy head of his. I responded back and got him drunk and went thru his phone. Hundreds of girls names in the phone. In the 6 weeks or so of NC, he had contacted 30 of them. All, but one told him to drop dead. The one had a one night stand and bascially told him that was all it was... lol... He will sucker her back thou... Since then crazy mind games.. I went NC again a week ago.. Be glad he hasn't contacted you. It will just not be the same. Mine told me he would see me in November... I mean really....

Mine contacted me once, and in the last six months since the end, I contacted him about four times. He does not contact me. It is the most painful thing I think I have ever been through in a relationship. My G-d do I feel your pain.

Went through EXACTLY the same thing. Mine was my BFF, soul mate, almost a guru figure. I more than loved him. I honest to God worshiped him and almost left my husband for him. After he disappeared I was nearly retching from the grief of it. I can't imagine anything worse, other than the sudden death of an infant. As I was poured my pain out to him in panic stricken emails, I was comforted by the idea that he just wasn't able to leave his wife, though he claimed to be in at best a "cordial" relationship with her. In my mind's eye he was curled into a fetal position, too crestfallen to tell me what he'd chosen. This was tough enough to take, but it made sense--and I started to heal a bit. A couple of weeks after the D and D, though, when I was stronger, I visited an online forum and saw that as I was sending him panicky emails and retching, he was gaily posting about inflation in pre war Weimer Germany! This just did something to my brain. I just kind of snapped a bit. Like WTF? Who does that? What kind of evil twit does something like that? Think about it. He had sent me links to this forum in the past, highlighting something pithy he had written. He had to have known I might look out to see if I could find him there. He wouldn't answer his phone. That's how much he cared. The same man who told me that if anything happened to me, he would have to soldier on through life, in a state worse than death, dumps me for no apparent reason and carries on as if nothing happened! So...it's been many months, but here is what I think now..and it helps. When they said all those wonderful things to us, they were in character, like an actor. However, one caveat; they take on the role so convincingly that it feels real to them. They are literally "in the moment". They are both lying and not lying, at the same time--kind of like wave particle theory--LOL. We were blindsided by covert narcs, the worst kind. With the overt form, there are more red flags. But the coverts can REALLY get into character. They really live the bullshit. Their hold on reality and their ability to delineate reality and fantasy, as I see it, is very diminished. Of all the personality disorders, these dudes are probably closest to being clinically psychotic or multiple personalities. Their emotions are very close to the surface and shallow. So when YOU are feeling deep connection and genuine love, they are feeling a shallow connection that is maudlin, sentimental, can even call forth real tears. But like reading a sad book or seeing a scary or sad movie, they can turn the TV off or close the book and it goes *poof*. What seemed like a deep stream of love for us, one that paralleled our deep stream for them, turns out to be a very wide, shallow puddle that can evaporate without warning. You WILL be okay. I hope so much what I have learned over the last 7 months benefits you somehow.

Hey HitandRun, I can totally empathize with your situation. My X hit me out of the blue two days before I was catching a flight to go meet him for a wk...with a short cold hearted break up email..we exchanged two more notes again he was short cold (a totally different person) - saying he "can't give to the relationship anymore".."sorry".."I'm not half the guy you think I am" "you deserve better I'm not worthy" ...last note said "I can't talk, I can't write - I can be nothing of value to you". What in the What? I was shocked! He'd been nothing but completely Mr. Wonderful in every single way - we'd made future plans not only to keep the LDR going but to move closer to one another so we could be together. Then with the click of an email and never a call....he's gone...nothing. It was/is the most difficult thing emotionally that I have ever been through. Because of Nclosure its doubled the pain and made me wonder what in the hell happend? He's so so selfish & cowardly - mean spirited to do something like that. Txts me I love and miss you and can't wait to see - then 2 days later dump me via email and just throw me out like trash. It's unbelieveable to think - that perhaps he never cared for me at all and was only using me to feed his ego - now he's moved on. I'm a 43 yr old smart woman who thought I was a good judge of character...but after this one - I'm rattled. With time it does get better! Keeping busy is key! Get lots of exercise to release negative energys within!! I'm so glad I found this site. To know I'm not alone in this "experience" is a releif and comfort. Unless you've been through it - you just don't understand how devastating it is.

As they say, some contact, some dont. Some contact after 30 years. I thought mine wouldn't and when he did i was mortified. He was worse than the day i walked out. It has been devastating and i now know that i would be so much better off if he would never contact again. He claims this is the case now that I put an order of protection on him. I somehow think he will though. Way down the road. It wont even matter. In a few more months i dont think it will matter. Its all about me now.

This has really been a rough week for you. I promise it'll get better and times goes by. I'm afraid what it'll do to you if he decides to contact you? Be prepared and be careful. Take good care!!!

He used to answer my calls, just repeating "I do not want to be with you; what more do you want me to say?" as the reason for the divorce, which came without discussion! He completely stopped taking calls two months ago. He has not a single time in the four months since leaving initiated contact, despite knowing that I miscarried his baby (we didn't know I was pregnant) just after he left. He responds now with cold emails (if I call or text or email him), the latest one to say that I mean nothing to him and it was a mistake to have gotten married.