anyone else have the BEST sex ever with the N???

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Apr 20 - 7AM (Reply to #44)
WellRed's picture

LOL - He is tall good looking

LOL - He is tall good looking and confident. I was only 19 when I met him and I didn't know what good sex even was yet!! 28 years later........
Apr 18 - 7AM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yes, best sex ever.

We always had the most amazing sex, the best I've ever had in fact. Everything about it was good, and it was always passionate and intimate. He really liked kissing and eye contact throughout, probably to bond me to him even more. He was always touching me too. Our bodies just worked really well together and we were extremely compatible sexually. He wasn't selfish and he really likes pleasing a woman because it validates him even more to see her respond to him. Unlike some others have said here, there was no S&M stuff of any kind or anything "weird" that came up. Of course the chemistry we had and my feelings for him added to the whole experience, but he really was good at what he did, and so was I. I was always ready for him and wanting him. I was never NOT in the mood. He could touch me anywhere, just place his hand on my shoulder and I would melt. Damn, but I was under his spell.
Apr 17 - 10AM
Hunter's picture


When screwing is all they do you get good at it. Its like someone who is excellent in their profession, years of experience allows them to be at the top of their Game. Sorry to rain on your parade. Idealk
Apr 21 - 12AM (Reply to #40)
Arwen's picture


That's SO SO true. And it makes me even sicker thinking about what you just said when I realize he's practicing on so many women. And Idealk I had no idea you were married also you've been holding out on me. How is your marriage now?
Apr 20 - 8PM (Reply to #39)
Deidre40's picture


LMAO! That's funny. :P Yes...mine was pretty good...Not the best ever. But, he had been with a ton of women before me. Plus married 4x? You'd think he'd be better, but he was probably an 7 or 8. I was in love, so I'd rate him a 10 back then. But, from an orgasm perspective...I'd say...a 7/8. He would climax very quickly. I remember him telling me about all this ''stamina'' he had...bragged about it. Hmm...I never saw it. I don't really care about all that though. We didn't see each other enough, (he and I had a LDR) so it wasn't enough to attach me to him, really. I will say one thing though. He would talk dirty to me on the phone...and I loved that. I still think back to that. His voice. Definitely sexy. Something to note. Once he knew I liked that, he stopped. I remember asking him to talk dirty to me one night, and he refused. ''No, I'm tired...'' I will not beg a man for any reason. But, I made a mental note...and that soon became the beginning of a long list of things he refused to do, once he did them a few times, and realized I liked them. How sad is that? :=( And I would make him easily aroused over the phone, and at first, he would share that with me. He was almost embarassed by it. Here's a man-whore, according to his history with women, and he's embarassed to have an erection talking to me on the phone? Well...a few times of him sharing that, then that stopped. I'd joke with him...''are you feeling...??'' and he would say...''No Dee...don't ask that anymore.'' They're very strange creatures.
Apr 18 - 7AM (Reply to #36)
jen79's picture

yes and the somatic ones

they have nothing else to offer. I mean HE was a monster, but the only thing he could gain control over anyone including me is sex. So of course they practice alot with hundreds of women, and they become masters at it, cause its their only tool to keep you hooked.
Apr 20 - 4PM (Reply to #37)
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

yep. mine cheated on me 8

yep. mine cheated on me 8 times. last time i was on here (2 weeks ago) it was at 6. they keep popping up. and each time is no less traumatizing. he doesn't have "sex" but he does everything else. with me, he did everything though.
Apr 20 - 7PM (Reply to #38)
Finally Faced It
Finally Faced It's picture

Sheesh! Dazed....sounds like

Sheesh! Dazed....sounds like Tiger Woods with the women popping up! How can you be sure he didn't actually have "sex" but did everything else?? Also how do you keep finding out?? Glad to see you back...I remember your guy was a sexual perv too, like mine!! Ewwwww. LOL FFI
Apr 17 - 2PM (Reply to #35)
sara-smile's picture

Amen Idealk

Ain't that the damn truth! Practice makes perfect!
Apr 17 - 11AM (Reply to #34)
It'sAllAboutMeNow (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


I agree with this. They have mastered sex just as they have mastered manipulation and deception. Sex with my exN got better with time but I did find myself very attracted to him. It was the package as a whole. He was good at fulfilling me emotionally before the D&D's took place. He was very handsome and we had a lot of fun together. Although I have been more attracted to others. I think maybe you and him just had good chemistry but believe me you will get passed this. There is a link posted on this site about trauma bonds and I think this may be what you are experiencing. Unfortunately we have become addicted to these monsters. The more you understand the quicker you will heal.
Apr 17 - 11AM (Reply to #33)
Happy1's picture


Its all they thinknof after all. I told this to my therapist and she said or was all methat made it so good. Not him. It's the emotion and lust we feel for them. They're not special at all.
Apr 17 - 8AM
jen79's picture


And I thought I'd never get over this. But have to say. I do. Not only does the memory fade, but the more I progress in recovery the more this part seems now meaningless and it was that good, cause I made it that good. It was my passion, mine alone. Not his. Now in retrospect he wasnt there even in the beginning. Nothing of it was real. Saying that, still have to say, it took me very very long to break that bond. It was almost like a curse. I value now more sex and everything involved with it, you share energy on all kinds of levels we cannot even comprehend and we have to be careful with who we share it.
Apr 16 - 11PM
ifinallygotit's picture


We had crazy fantastic chemistry, fun and passionate, the best - it never stopped being that way. I have not kissed anyone ever again and feel sexually dead now from the shock of losing him.
Apr 17 - 12AM (Reply to #30)
Arwen's picture

totally relate :-). but

totally relate :-). but getting a bit better :-)
Apr 16 - 5PM
Arwen's picture

Chemistry that kept me with

Chemistry that kept me with him at fourteen and brought me back at forty-four. So combustive the chemistry is that it's not normal. Ok in bed..never returned a massage...was MUCH more into kissing when he was a teenager. Had better lovers, but the sex was something I nonetheless craved constantly.
Apr 16 - 4PM
kgirl's picture

it was crazy amazing

it was crazy amazing electrical chemistry....I'll never have that again I'm sure. My N was such a disappointment in the bedroom though....totally selfish there as well. I don't understand how they do that...but it is something else! ~KG
Apr 16 - 3PM
JRB123's picture


The narc I met in my 20s was amazing in bed. We would have sex all night, over and over, and it was really intense. I thought it was making love but to him it was just sex - yet when I told him this he denied it and seemed upset. The recent narc experience I had was only an emotional affair (thank goodness). However when I see him there is a huge sexual attraction. I can feel the chemistry like a magnet pulling me towards him. I have never and will never act on it though.
Apr 16 - 5PM
onwithmylife's picture


One word YUP, and to add, the sex was the glue that kept me in it for 15 freaking years of my life and he has ED now,, which is probably why he took off and cut me out of his life!
Apr 16 - 1PM
neverlookback's picture

ok I hav.e to be honest here

I dont like to read the posts about sex, because it stirs up my sexual hormones when I think about him. You ladies give replies back describing how Great it was and how he did this and that, and quite frankly I want to jump the first good looking man I see, ha ha ha I have not had sex in my life for over 9 MONTHS, and let me tell you I MISS THE HELL OUT OF IT. When I am out and I see an attractive man I start fantasizing about my x psycho and I get in my car and start crying, I know its part of the physical withdraw from him and the amazing chemistry we had. The chemistry between us was THAT powerful because I have not seen him for 9 months and it STILL stirs up some pretty damn powerful sexual desires. Looking back through I know this was his MAIN tool he used to keep me in the sick relationship for 5 years. Sex with him was the strong addiction I had to him, I think I lived the last 5 years just for the thrill and intoxicating high it gave me when we got together. I lived for the next time I could get that fix, didnt care how he abused me, demeaned me, treated me, lied to me, I WANTED THAT FIX, and that fix was SEX. And YOU BET he knew that, it was the crumb he threw me, the carrot he dangled, and the bone he gave me once and awhile, I would literally ask, ok so when can we get together, he knew if he with held this from me it was the power he had over me. After time though I got hidden messages - "I will see you when you provide us with others to have sex with, if you want me then you will have to do that for me", and I will see you more often. I will throw you lots of crumbs and allow you to be with me if you can provide me with that. This was truly truly SICK, but after I read the book Why Women Love Psychopaths I read several stories on women that were in this same type of sick addiction. Having marathon sex, up for days with them, watching others on the internet live have sex, etc... one woman said she had to get counseling because she became addicted to sex while involved with her psychopath. I became a sex addict with HIM, I did not become the sexual addict that he was in that sense. So, ya the sex was like nothing I have ever experienced and why wouldnt it be, I was with a sexual predator and sex addict. Ok now I have to take a COLD shower you guys.
Apr 20 - 8PM (Reply to #24)
Deidre40's picture


Can I say I felt sick to my stomach reading your post? OMG. I'm so sorry you endured such crap from that man!! :=(
Apr 17 - 1PM (Reply to #23)
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Yes to the original post.. a comment on neverlookback's post...same situation here. ugh.
Apr 16 - 4PM (Reply to #22)
kgirl's picture

you made me laugh with the

you made me laugh with the cold shower comment too.....but I totally get it :) ~KG
Apr 16 - 1PM (Reply to #21)
dudette's picture

ha NLB

you made me laugh with that cold shower comment... but not funny I know... Full moon tonight and my drive is stirring. still, as I posted elsewhere, I am displacing my attentions away from the narc.... Saturday night, normally by now, He would be with me....
Apr 16 - 1PM (Reply to #19)
Tinker's picture


Yes! Thank you for saying how it is...mine did the same thing (always wanting me to find others to be with us, push the S&M thing further, once said he wanted to 'share' me with a friend...) and WITHHELD himself from me to gain total control. Yet, as I write this, I'd still drop everything in a heartbeat to be with him. There was so much anticipation before each time - looking forward to it, getting ready, hearing what was hew going to do - and i think that makes it so hard to give up. KUDOS to you for reading the same book I did and being able to let go! congratulations! i've had a number of dates trying to find someone else who would give me something close but i end up dropping them and feeling awhile. i just wasn't attracted to any of them. no one else thinks he's attractive but for me, i can't keep my hands off him. i saw a show once with a beautiful younger woman who had been addicted to a guy for 10 years, losing all that time and joy just for want of him, which was so sad. but I see how it can happen. it's not sexual addiction i think, but it's an addiction nonetheless. i've tried reducing the triggers but it still comes down to just "wanting" and a lot of hard and tough emotional work and just trying to stay away while we calm down and let go. PTSD work to the hilt!
Apr 20 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

yes! mine was SO addicted to

yes! mine was SO addicted to his fantasy of wanting a threesome. our whole sex thing was tinged with him always wanting me to bring somebody home. ugh. this brings back terrible memories. i loved the asshole. and it always hurt that he wanted another woman in the bedroom.
Apr 16 - 12PM
Bitter-sweet's picture

no intimacy

For me the biggest red flag was that every time we had sex I felt further away from him. He was controlling and whilst afterwards he would text how much he had enjoyed it, for me it was unsatisfying emotionally. I've known real love and passion- this was like being in a film. I felt like an object and what was missing was...intimacy.
Apr 16 - 1PM (Reply to #15)
prettypeeved's picture

That's a very good

That's a very good point. It's interesting that the "near-sex" we had was, I suspect, prolonged because he wasn't getting what he really wanted, because I wouldn't cross that line. On the one occasion we masturbated together, once he was done (which was VERY quickly) he wandered away and left me to get on with it. Any pretence at intimacy vanished the instant he was satisfied.
Apr 16 - 1PM (Reply to #16)
neverlookback's picture

ya thats

fun as they walk away leaving you to finish by yourself, THANKS - Same with mine when he was finished, I guess we were BOTH supposed to be finished, he was off feeding the dogs, or reading the stock market. I noted that too all the charm GONE once he got what he wanted, he was finished with me
Apr 16 - 1PM (Reply to #17)
prettypeeved's picture

Heh, if it wasn't so hurtful

Heh, if it wasn't so hurtful it would be almost like a comedy sketch. Him: I'm done. Me: Erm...come here and kiss me. Him: No. Me: I'm serious, give me a kiss. Him: No. Me: Well...that killed the moment.
Apr 16 - 11AM
Used's picture


as i never had sex, or any physical contact with narc[i swore to my self after i divorced my ex i would never be physical with a man again] unfortuntly i hadnt promised my self not to get emotionally involved, and there by hangs my story, i have to say when i read about how they are sexually, i wonder how i got away unscathed, to have had any form of physical contact with him, i wouldnt be here to tell the story, as thats not beign dramatic thats beign truthful, it turned out he was the town whore. omg.