A poll for Jaycee

I met the woman who replaced me. Also, I met his first ex-wife. Both women were abused by him. In good times & bad, he said & did the same things. Used the same terms of endearment (you make me happier than any woman has ever in my life) & in abuse (you know all those words). When he was with my replacement he was writing love letters to me & to the woman he was with before he met me. Also, I have known people who knew the woman whom I replaced. That woman was also abused. And YOU N is already doing it again. His breakup, calling of the cops, criminal charges, dropping charges, & reconciliation with this other woman -- it's already the cycle of abuse. And, this New Woman may elect to stay iun this cycle of abuse for the rest of her life. Some do. They need N. And do anything they can to woo him back. And then it happens all over again. If you & NW & his mother allow it -- Your N may be bouncing between you, her & his mother until death do you, all or you of one of you, part!

i thank everyone for their reply, i helps a little to know that most of you see it from a different perspective, i am way too close to the situation, i am way to hurt and sick to my stomach to see the obvious. I do believe he used my behavior as an excuse to go back to her....i do believe she got smart to him, in the sense that she threatened to stop begging him and to start dating someone else...i dont know if she will continue being a chase for him, and i dont know at this point if he will ever d and d her again, as he might fear losing her.......what i do know for sure is no one is where they dont want to be......and obviously he wants to be there......and that hurts like hell.....i hope you are all right, and he does d and d her again, and continues to move on from one to the next, i would hate to see her get to have my husband, simply because she could afford him and i couldnt, sounds crazy i know but that part of the triangle kills me, eats me alive.....and who knows maybe he does love her and she is who he has always wanted her......who knows im not in his head, i do know one thing, i am so devastated with all that they have done.......maybe there is such a thing as karma and they will get theirs, who knows......

Oh yeah? JUST FOR YOU JAYCEE I'm going to come out and admit that I was still so in love with my ex-N that I let him have sex with me many times after he had married his so-called love of his life. He stopped having sex with year about six months into the relationship and I know this because he told me! You're totally off your rocker if you think he's going to ultimately treat her well. There are hundreds and hundreds of all ages of adoring women on his FB page. And yes, my ex-N is still with that woman, and I sometimes think oh he really loves he and I am unattractive and not smart enough and just not good enough for him or he would have been with me but Jaycee the truth is I LEFT HIM. Why don't more people here talk about that! Most of us have expressed that when it came down, we loved these men but at the same time could not stand so many things about them and we really were the ones that were always leaving...This woman he's with, me ex-N;s wife, she is just like him and she's an incredible narcissist who has wealthy parents who would come after him and kill him if he ever hit her. ME he would hit because I have no living father and he has no respect for my brothers. Jaycee - he is unhappy, so how could he ever be happy with anyone? Another person doesn't make us happy or whole or make us good or kind people...we either are good people or we aren't. You are lonely and that's what this is all about...look at your life and imagine you had never met him for one minute. Now, you'll see this is all about distracting your feeling and thoughts from the agonizing realities of your own life right now that are causing you to feel depressed. I know just how you feel...I have two little sons and I don't know if I can stay with my husband. The narc I was just with took me so much away from all this pain that I am in with my REAL situation, but I didn't really want to be with him the way he was. It was fantasy. Go talk to someone about what's really going on in your real life, not your fantasy of what your life could be with some disordered sicko who will never change.

Mine was fb flirting and even went all out trying to act like a hero to someone who said something lewd to one of the fb "hoes" he chats it up with. Another guy propositioned her online, very disrespetful and the narc jumped in on the convo acting all robin hood, mind you he's living with someone but he might as well been dating the fb hoochie too and she was just as coy eating up all the attention. I loved witnessing this one cause that guy who was rude and disrespectful...she's dating him!....Bhaahahaha... Look, they'd go after a four legged dog...it doesn't matter, they don't change...they are attention whores. Jesus, makes me sick thinking about them...such a waste of human tissue. Hugs!

Ns/Ps idealize and/or demonize someone once the connection is severed. When the ex-Psych prof ping-ponged between his live-in girlfriend and I, he didn't bother idealizing her to me (I *DID* it for him, because I take the reins), but he acted as if I shouldn't even talk about her. He'd say "It shouldn't matter to you that I already have a girlfriend." He *KNEW* I had been in love with him for the past 4 years-so it mattered to ME- and therefore if it matters to ME-it must matter TO HIM whether he liked it or not-case closed. The ex-P eagerly agreed to being my presenter for my senior oral examination (thank goodness it wasn't the other kind)... so it meant he took my essay home with him. Or maybe it he kept it as a secret in his office. Don't know. I don't know if he mocked my essay with his girlfriend, or whether she was much a Narc him. Maybe she was cheering on his emotional abuse towards me. Maybe not. Maybe she was brainwashed like the rest of us. I DON'T KNOW. She idealized the ex-P as a philosopher, and I thought to myself "she can find out for herself, she's an adult." I didn't tell her how flaccid he got during philosophical discussions. Or that he saw philosophy as filler. I think Ns/Ps idealize and/or demonize once the connection is severed. In "War and Peace",Prince Andrei idealizes his dead wife Lisa, despite the fact he emotionally abused her when she was pregnant, and physically abandoned her. As soon as she's dead, he's extolling her to his pal Pierre. When Natasha ends their engagement because he abandons her to gallavant around Europe in a Rainbow Tour... he idealizes and demonizes her as his Lost Love. Ns/Ps idealize/demonize those who abandon them, or those they abandon. For the ex-Psych prof, admiration&hatred were the same thing. C'mon... I was the one who left him without even giving a goodbye. When the chips were down, I initiated the NC as soon as I met the girlfriend&the one who left without closure. I left him swinging in the wind. I wasn't his doormat... but his fears that I saw him merely as a diversion&didn't really love him got validated.

yeah mine is playing the perfect second time round "love of her life" to his first girlfriend right now.... The truth is, that he is a bit broke so he needs the cash.... to get the cash he needs the woman... he tried me ( even got me pregnant for Xst ' sake and I can assure you that it was NOT an accident) but I would not sell the house and make my son homeless to get him the cash( I am so heartless !).... Dev from him and Dis from me .... However, lured back into the first love of when she was 15 years old ( and discarded cruelly for the first time - he told me!!!), she is now in narc heaven, meeting his friends (all 3 of them...) and family and getting all smug and cosy in there.... having herself discarded her marriage of many years, 2 daughters, a perfectly good house, job, art endeavours.... I'm just waiting for the wedding day, when he gets his hands on the money.... and then the honeymoon ends.... that's too bad.... but not my problem..... Since I know of his relationship history, I can tell you that the first ever girlfriend he had ( the one who is with him now), and then the secon, and then the one he married, and then me and all the others in between, have all been discarded.... some with kids, some he would have happily left destitute They do not change!!!

This is a wonderful idea, Scoop! I don't know one person who doesn't have a story about inevitable D&D from a Narcissist. Jaycee - A Narcissist will always D&D. This is what he does. It is inevitable. Yes, maybe he's having fun with her now, but who cares?! Besides, she's the one who is going to hit a huge low when he D&Ds her while you are hopefully hitting a new high discovering your wonderful life after the narc! I know it hurts like hell right now, but as an old member used to say. "Cry now or Cry later?" Might as well get it over with now so you have something to look forward to...this poor girl sure doesn't!

i finally forced myself out of the house, and low and behold my hN and his ow were driving around town, looking quite like a married couple heads tilted towards one another, him driving like he owns the world and her gloating to see me driving alone......so maybe, just maybe he does treat her well, he never took me anywhere, but takes her out condo shopping and to dinner almost every night, oh, she pays, he just acts like he does.....i have to face the fact that she has more to offer him in more ways than one, she can give him a life of financial freedom, they have a lot in common, gym, pot, alcohol, and of course, their steroid use. boy has he settled down quickly into his life with her again, they genuinely looked like a very happy loving couple.......

I love this post..hopefully it will help Jaycee

All I can say is, if mine is so happy ith his new gf (or old gfs) then why is he turning himself inside out to treat me like shit? I know that when I fell in love again two years ago, in the middle of being treated like garbage,I could not have cared less about the narc. He had to tell me he had cancer in order to get me back. When you fall in love and are happy, vindictivenenss goes out the window.

Mine was with his gf in long-distance relationship for 6 months and then he moved in with her. They have been living in the same flat 4 months already and so far all seems to be good. I know they had one small argument (before they moved in togethr he was complaining to me how unhappy he is cuz of the fight),but of course she went back to him almost next day. He still says to everybody that he plans to marry her. So looks like he is a model bf for her so far. He also takes a good care of her 3 years old boy :), the both like to play xbox probably ;)

If he treats his current girlfriend so wonderfully...then why does he want to carry on with me? Does SHE know what he is really like, without the mask? I have no idea...but I do.

Mine: Was with me (I am married) AND with a woman who made a very nice salary at her job and would do anything to keep him: she showed up at a bar one night while I was with him - well "with" him - he called her name across the bar and made me introduce myself to her as his friend, told her I was just his friend and then ran out of the bar after when she freaked out, and left me in the bar. Came back and told me "you're the one I want to be with". Forward two months later: "She doesn't care if there are women on my Facebook". So I SAW HIM do it to her Jaycee. More: I was coming as he was discarding a different one - and she was so angry she was venemously writing posts on his FB page accusing him of taking her comments down so "his other little girls" wouldn't see what a bastard her is. There was ALWAYS a trail of women he had fucked over.