LOVE HURTS. If it doesn't hurt it;s NOT LOVE
LOVE HURTS. If it doesn't hurt it;s NOT LOVE
My therapist and I have been talking a lot about how programmed, how incredibly, incredibly hard-wired I am to respond to abuse with almost a sense of comfort and a sense of 'home', because that's exactly how I was treated growing up. All of these buttons the narc pushed are the very buttons in my person that are as sensitive as an exposed root nerve in a tooth. Just so much as glance at that wire and it vibrates with longing to be abused. LOVE HURTS right? That's what I grew up with - I am GUILTY and BAD for confronting you EVEN THOUGH YOU BEAT ME, ATTACKED ME VERBALLY, WHIPPED THE BACKS OF MY LEGS WITH BELTS, SLAMMED DOORS IN MY FACE, FELL WITH DEPRESSION IN FRONT OF ME, PUT ME IN THE FLORIDA SUN TO GET A THIRD DEGREE BURN AND END UP ON ICE COILS IN THE ER WHILE YOU SLEPT ON THE BEACH, ASKED ME AT ELEVEN YEARS OLD TO GO BUY SOME POT FOR YOU, WHEELED ACROSS FOUR LANE HIGHWAYS WITH ME IN THE CAR AS YOU WITHDREW FROM PERCODAN, LET ME PICK UP A POT OF BOILING HOT WATER AT EIGHTS YEARS OLD AND DROP IT ON MY LEG SO MY SKIN COULD SPLIT STRAIGHT TO THE BONE WITH ANOTHER FOURTH DEGREE BURN, NEVER PAY TAXES SO I HAVE TO BEG THEM AT JUILLIARD TO GIVE ME FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE THAT NEEDS A PARENTS TAX RETURN, BORROW MONEY FROM CLOSE FRIENDS TO PAY YOUR PHONE BILLS FROM THE CHEATING CALLS YOU MADE TO LONG DISTANCE WOMEN, KILLED MY FAVORITE BROTHER BY SHOWING HIM THE WAY OF DRUGS SO HE COULD OD at 32, and then DIE one me from AN OD and LEAVE ME AND MY BROTHERS AND MOTHER WITH NOTHING.
But Daddy...I know you REALLY LOVED ME! Why does it hurt so much Daddy? Is it supposed to hurt this much - your love?
patiencegoal
Imstrong and Jen
Damn girl I want to give
"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess
My heart goes out...
If my story has done anything
I might never
patiencegoal
Veronrose OMG you are me
Yep, patiencegoal, me too.
So sorry you endured such horror hon
Goldie
I came to realize that as well
Wow. Good for you for getting
Patiencegoal
My therapist
there's more?
(((Patiencegoal)))
Michele...
Yes
Well....my childhood trauma
strong my mother was also part of the equation
it took me awhile in therapy
strong
and receiveing a real, true,
Patiencegoal...FYI...
Adult children of Narcs...
Michele thanks for the blog
NP
Hugs to you all!! I have