On living with abuse and violence from the one you "love."

On the recent media blitz over WHY WE STAY:

It's all about your boundaries/value's, self image/esteem, prior conditioning, personal belief system, and understanding yourself and what you want. Some women want the bling and are willing to "overlook" what comes with it and unfortunately people treat you the way you allow. It all boils down to what YOU are willing to put up with, what trade offs YOU are willing to make, what life YOU are looking to create. If the life you are shooting for is not working for you, what are YOU willing to do about it because they are not changing anytime soon. We don't change other people and get them to fit into our versions and perceptions of how they should be. We change ourselves into becoming people who attract and draw to us what we want our lives to be. If someone is not on board with our values and does not resonate with our truth, we have some serious choices and decisions to make.

I would imagine that Oscar was showing her who he was along the way and the same is obviously the case with Ray there.

I know for me, I woke up one day and said to myself, I cannot do this anymore and I kept saying it everyday until I got him out of my house and out of my life. I needed that r/o because in my case he would not have left without it, so thank God for the r/o. Imagine a day when there was no such option. There was no such thing as a r/o. I don't think women understand the power and freedom of the r/o. It is a life changer and a life saver for many. Some Men will always try to control women, they will always attempt to squeeze every last bit of life out of you and then leave you for dead if they are allowed to take the best you have to give and replenish it with NOTHING.

I grew up with a father like this, a man who used his wife and his children as nothing more than supply and left you for dead when he no longer needed anything from you. It was a horrific life and a grueling way to learn those ways of the world. I understand what it is like to have nowhere to turn and no family to rely on and it's easy for woman like me to put all their eggs in the "this man loves me basket." Therefore I will overlook his issue's and poor treatment of me.

" I am grateful for the attention and occasional help, so I will overlook this freakish existence with him."

"He represents the "family" I didn't have."

I gag over that one, saying it today. He was the furthest thing from a family figure, yet, it was all so familiar to my FOO orientation.

Yes, been there, done that.

I could write more examples of why I stayed and there was a long list of "supposed" good reason's at the time, YET, when I had enough, NONE of those reasons made too much sense to me moving forward. He was an empty shell of a person, an illusion, a relationship faker. A want to be.

Today, I am creating my own sense of family with those who actually do love me.

Why did you stay?

Or why are you still in it?

Share with us if you like, get it out, it helps to identify just what is keeping you hooked and stuck or what you were looking for from another at the time.

Much love,
Together and Healing,

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justinej23's picture

Why I Stayed??


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For the Illusion

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Pheonix's picture

Why I stayed

Oct 3 - 12AM (Reply to #1)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Excellent blog, Goldie!!!

Oct 6 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
truthnow's picture

Love this Goldie


Oct 3 - 5AM (Reply to #2)
Julialouisa's picture

patience blog