Goldie's Blog

Getting Over a Narcissist Blog

For those of us also recovering from childhood trauma/PTSD

My response to a member going through the "growing pains" of change and self awareness, the letting go of the hopes and dreams and feeling those gut level emotions of intense grief and loss:

Each step and stage has many levels of emotions and awarenesss. I can remember sobbing from the depths of my soul for days when I realized how very sick he was (my X PD) and that he could NEVER be for me or give me what I wanted and needed.

I equated this with my Dad, brother, and many other men I had tried to get something from who had nothing to give to me.

Relationships with Narcissist Addicts

I believe the problem lies in the fact that most women and (men) in codependent relationships with PD addicts have no real clue that they are being manipulated on a daily basis by a pro. How do you suppose they maintain their addictions AND manage to have a beautiful girl who turns a deaf ear and turns away with her eyes and instincts to what is actually going on???

My life with M

The Lies Which Nearly Drove Me to the
Brink of Insanity

I lost myself in his tangled webb of deception.

Lies, Lies, Lies, reality is slipping away.

I am tired; I am losing my truth; my way.

Who am I with him? Who am I without him?

Help me; how do I get away? How do I get him out; he won't leave me?

Take my house, take my car, take my credit cards, just don't take my soul.

My light is growing dim, I am tired, I can't fight back anymore.

Dear God; please make him leave. He won't leave.

The police think it is a joke; I called them 11 times and they laugh in my face.

He leaves; he goes to jail. He comes back to torture me again.

He begins to sniff white powder and turns into Satan, the devil himself.

My Goodbye Letter to M

Dear M,

As you and I both know, this relationship is no longer filling either one of our needs. The time has come to part company on all levels. This includes having you in my mind, body, and soul.

I can no longer fill your need for me to cater to your every whim, put my life on a back burner for yours, listen to your insults, lies, manipulations, mind games, cons, engage in your sexual perversions, remain in financial ruin, and sell my soul to the devil.

You no longer fill my need to mother a little boy, try to control the actions of an irresponsible wreckless self centered soul snatching coward, clean up your messes.

WHY do WE put up with their cruel treatment towards us?

Since this last breakup I have been looking at things from a different perspective. Last time it was more about what was wrong with him. Now it is more about what in me ALLOWED this into my precious life.

This time I am looking at what in me attracted him in the first place and what in me put up with the repeated incidences of unacceptable, insensitive, often cruel, behavior towards me.

Previously with most guys, I would never put up with any of this and if anything, I was the one in control in those relationships. I had some boundaries. Yet, I also never felt about them the way I feel about this one. Why was it different with him?

Why did I allow him to almost completely destroy my life, only to take him back?