No contact with children

Hi... I'm new to this site and think its an awesome resource to help understand and deal with these little trolls. I share custody of my daughter with my ex..who happens to be a Narcissist of the highest order. It would be easy for me to go no contact and never look back but I have to leave some room for communication for my daughters' sake. But he does these "hit and run" scenarios. He will email and ask if he can do something with her... I agree and ask what time.. then he abruptly says something like, "I'm going to NY..see ya". So there I am left with a dangling child.. He shows up at my house claiming to want to see the baby.. I tell him wait at the entrance .. which obviously tells him I don't want his negative energy around me .. he puts his shoes back on and walks out. How do I deal with this kind of situation. My daughter loves her dad but even she, at 3, doesn't like the way he treats her (of course in his mind I brainwashed her). He yells at her, bangs his fist on the wall, and tells her go home because she spills water or gets a little paint on his carpet. She is disposable to him, as is everyone else in his life. How do I move on and protect her as well as myself?