It just occured to me that the length of the relationship always depends on the victim.
You could argue that N has the option of dumping his victim, too....but there would still be a tangible "relationship" of host and vampire going on until the host decides theyve had enough.
I guess its like a math equation. The Narc is the constant, we (the victims) are the variable, but the formual is always the same.
So there's no telling how long it will take, but one day it will go to shit. That's all you need to know and keep working on your recovery.
Stupid, stupid me thought - Oh, I can last longer than any of the others. When we were getting to know each other via email, N listed other RLs with length - longest being 9 months. So, I thought I can do better than that!!
I did and now am recovering from overexposure!!! My only defense is that I had no idea what a N was. And am programed to be treated poorly from childhood. Not any more!!!
I needed that. I've read that all narc relationships are exploitive and they always end badly. I'm just wondering how long this one will take before it falls apart.
As I have no way to know what's going on, your guess is as good as mine. So we're talking nearly four months into the "relationship". She should be rexceiving the Silent Treatment now, and all the other fun games narcs like to play.
I never lived with him, and she's going into the second month of living together. But you are right, I'm glad he's not problem anymore. NO, I don't want him back, but he's in my head still too much which I hate!
I'm trying hard to cut all the psychic ties with him, and get his powers and abillities cut. He is in a position of sponging off this woman, and likely into full criticizing mode now (for her own good you understand!), and turning her into his own personal slave.
I'm just really, reaally curious as to what should/would be going on now behind closed doors of a live in narc relationship. Thanks for the kind words!
this topic is a common thread during the long time I have been here and a valid one and requires a resounding NO,NO ,NO,mine 5 failed longterm relationships and who was the common denominator HIM, when i said that to him did he go nuts, beyond what he is already!!they never look inward, do not have the ability or desire to do so, they are perfect!!
I wasted/& continue to waste time wondering the same thing? Is it Me that he has this kind of relationship w/ & No One else? Is he better for someone he finds more attractive/sexy/worthy?? * & I do know this: hes had only One other relat. Besides me, that could be considered long term. Most of them were 1-3 months long & that shouldve been a red flag to me. Also, as he tells it, He was Always the one to walk away, No One Ever dumped him....so, i do believe I am one of the rare people in his life who has this sick relat. W/ him because no one lasts long enough to see that side of him. He allows no one to get that close, because that would risk exposure of what a POS he is. I do wonder if these women spot something early on that sends them running, & why did I miss it??? Im still trying to figure out what they see or dont get from him that the relat. Ends very early. Its frustrating too, to think he has some believable excuse for getting out of these relat. That makes them oblivious to what he really is.
OMG! My exN did the same thing. Many short-term relationships. One 5 yr, One 1 yr, One 2 yr, One 3 yr (me) and everyone else in between were just months. AND....HE was the one that always did the breaking up. I thought that was odd and questioned the hell out of it. I broke up with him and kicked him out and he told his now wife that he broke up with ME!!! LOL! Dont think so buddy. And he told her I cheated on him. Nope! He did while living with me, while engaged. I talked to another man, dated him, AFTER our relationship was over with the first time. It was 3 months later AND while he was coming over and us discussing whether I would take him back, and while in counseling and while he proposed (as the last resort) HE was on eHarmony trolling and talking to other women. He said, "creating a backup". It's crazy-making. One of the women he met on eharmony during this time, he kept on the string for months and 3 months later, during our 2 week separation, he went on a date with her. Told me there was no one else but later said he thought something was there...while he was screwing me. The last time he D&D me, he said he thought something was there. I'm sure he did the same with this now wife while living in my home, for free and sleeping with me afterwards too, and texting me on Mother's Day.
I just have to accept that he left the relationship a long, long, long time ago. Even though he was here, he thought he had a connection with someone whom he never met. And when they did, she felt something was not right about him and never returned his calls. So, he comes back to me and wants to get married, again! How can you do that? Go from thinking something is there with someone else, they don't and you then think "oh well. NEXT! I'll go back to strongerthanever and act like i want to get married because from her, all my needs will be met. I'll get her to sell her house, move to where I want to live, pay for everything, sex is good, she's a good cook, and she makes twice as much money as me. WINNING!"
Welcome to Cognitive Dissonance!
The best advice I can give to you is short and sweet. Two things:
Go with what you already KNOW about his past. Not what he tells you.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
OK, there's my Dr. Phil/Oprah moment.
Just remember when he seems all normal and loving in your head, you are making him that way. He's really a piece of shit. The CD is an aweful place to be.
No prob SoaperGrrrrl
Length of Time!!
Thanks ShaynasMommy
hi neveragain
wondering if hes different for other women....
OMG! My exN did the same
Never again115...
Thank you ShaynasMommy! You
Just remember when he seems