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bavandusen's story

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#1 May 9 - 12AM
bavandusen
bavandusen's picture

bavandusen's story

I have been married twice and both to N's I am now in another relationship with a N and this is the worst yet. I didn't even realize it until until now. I tried to breakup last week because I caught him lieing to me and suspect he is cheating. I had NC for a week and did pretty good until I went over to get some of my things and he slowly started talking me back. The NC's that I get involved with never want to leave me. This one not only a NC but a con artist and has taken alot of money from me. I realize the only thing important to him is making money, getting rich, keeping up the Jones, and getting attention from not only women, but everyone.

I am asking you out there, what does he want me for? I am not rich, but he says I am the nicest person he has ever met, and he can trust me! I am now scared I will never get rid of him.

May 9 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome bavandusen

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG I repeat: YOU did nothing wrong... get into therapy IMMEDIATELY - call a DV Center if you need to get an advocate ASAP to get this man completely out of your life - NOW! - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. PLEASE do this BEFORE asking questions. - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. - PLEASE read through our WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting. Thanks - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with!! BLOCK HIS EMAILS, IMs and TEXTS change your phone & cell numbers NO CONTACT! Get to a PTSD/ trauma counselor ASAP!!! again YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 9 - 8AM
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

..to suck your soul

He wants to suck your soul from you! Emotional vampires that they are! He wants to take the best of you, then pile it on a heap of garbage. The better person you are, the more soul he can siphon! He'll take everything good about you, and his intent is to leave you a dried up shell of a human. Guess it earns him points in Hell? They just all do it........ Most of us here are very good people. When you read all the stories, you will see. We are they're type! Get out while you can! Do I sound too dramatic? I am! I know, because I am living it. I am trying to fill my soul back up with good things, good people, because it was left a vacuum of hurt, pain and confusion. I will never be the same......... Here's to hoping we can learn to identify the beasts, and stay as far away from them as is humanly possible, and possibly enjoy our lives and what is left of them. GO!!
May 9 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
bavandusen
bavandusen's picture

To suck your soul!

I feel like my soul is being sucked dry! I want out,and thank God I am not married to him. It is going to be hard because I tried two weeks ago and he was no stop calling me,and bothering me. Tonight he seems already sick of me again, he wants me probably wants me for financal reasons, because his credit is bad! I am so scared right now,and I am glad I found this site because I can't talk to anyone else about this because I think they will think I am crazy! Thank you for your advice!
May 9 - 7AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

What does he want?

Sex, money (you say he got some from you), not being alone, you fill a gap in his interior vacantness. If he's as you say, he'll drop you the minute he finds somebody he perceives to be better. How to leave? You're not married. Change phone number, change e-mail, if you need to get your stuff take several very BIG men with you, NEVER be alone with him. It's over. NO CONTACT. And the money, forget it. He's got it & you will never get it back.
May 9 - 5AM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

He wants supply

I have only been on this site for about 6 weeks, but we have all experienced the same thing. They want supply. They are afraid to be alone. They need to have people around them. But we must not be fooled. It is all for them and their needs. You probably are the best and nicest, but for him, it's all about his need and filling it. I know it is scary, but if you stay strong, you will get rid of him. You MUST. He is taking you down. Stay strong.
May 9 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
bavandusen
bavandusen's picture

He wants supply!

They only want you around when they need you, otherwise I am alone alot! I hate my life right now, I feel so foolish to believe he really loved me! It has been 3 1/2 years of me life, what is wrong with me? I realize he needs me for comfort at night and for money. That's proabably it! Thanks for you advice!
May 12 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Sucks to be us right now, but hasn't it the whole time?

I hate my life right now, too. Alone at 42, raising two kids by myself, broke, fat and out of shape, pale, shaking, unstable, crazy. When I met him I was lovely, truly, and so happy. He lives on my block so I see him come and go from his huge, beautiful house, tan, well dressed, wealthy, aloof, with the foster child we were going "to raise as our own, baby." My daughters and I are SOL to him, but I know in my heart that we actually are lucky to have been thrown away. It's been 3 1/2 years for me, too. I ask myself why all the time. And, to say it again, he wants you because you ARE the best and nicest. Those are the deepest wells for their endless thirst for sadism. He knows you will give and give and give, no matter what he does, and that destroying your beauty--inside and out--will be that much more satisfying in the end. They like to see the dramatic contrast between what you were when you met and what they turn you into. Don't let him take anymore from you.