ice queen's story
ice queen's story
My story is typical, I know. I started dating a N. The beginning of the relationship was wonder. The criticism started in the form of my inability to trust him. Then it moved on to other things/areas I was inept in (affection, interacting, communicating...you name it). At one point, he told me I did not have the ability to be in a "healthy relationship." To make a long story short, he eventually slept with his ex-girlfriend. I later found out he was sleeping with his ex-girlfriend and ex-wife the first few months we dated. I dumped him. He was relentless in pursuing me... started reading self-help books, said he would go to counseling, etc. It was months, but I eventually took him back. He lied throughout our relationship about anything and everything. He went to a concert with his ex-girlfriend because I "pissed him off" in confronting him about lying about contact with her. He then wiggled his way back in my life; gave me a "promise" ring. Things went well for a few months, then he increasingly became more nasty. The criticism was relentless and it was downright verbal abuse. I refused to spend any time with him because he was being so abusive. I then found him signed up for an on-line dating service. We were done at that point. He has since slept with his ex-girlfriend again and at least one other woman.
He has contacted me periodically - when he does not have his next lined up. His emails go from hinting that if I could just stop being negative, we could have a relationship... that I didn't meet his needs and given that, of course, he had to get them met somewhere else... to him telling me I am self-righteous, ad nauseum. In the emails I have responded to, if he perceives what I wrote as me wanting him back, he becomes very nice and cordial. If I have confronted him in the responses I have sent, he says things like "why is it everything with you is always chocolate covered with shit?".
I believe he is trying to see if he can keep me on stand-by for the times he is without his next victim. Yet other times he absolutely HATES me. At one point he told me, "You can tell whoever you want that you are happy but you are god-damn miserable you just won't admit it." Projection on his part, I know. It was a big ego blow to him when I told him I'd had enough and of course he orchestrated it so he was the one who ended the relationship (which I let him have because I really don't care anymore). In the past he had used signing up for an on-line dating service to hook me back in...except this final time, it backfired on him. In looking back and based on his behavior, him signing up was again another way to try to intimidate me to give him what he wanted and to get me hooked back in.
I have not responded to his last email. I am worried he will increase pressure if he doesn't find someone that provides him with the supply he needs. Has anyone ever had that experience before with an ex-N? Where they waffle from being cordial and loving to verbally abusive after you've ended the relationship?
I know a sure fire way to get them to stay away for good
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
agree
I appreciate the comments.
Ice Queen
Waffling
..."Has anyone ever had that