Running's story
Running's story
First of all, I am so thankful for this site. I have read several stories only to have my own validated. I finally know who, er, I mean WHAT I'm dealing with. I met my Narc 8 years ago through my job. I was in the process of getting a divorce and my lawyer wasn't giving me good advice. He gave me the number of the lawyer who handled his so-called divorce, (long story short, 7 years later I find out he's still married). Anyway, we were close friends, (so I thought), we had lunch all the time, drinks after work when I had time, (he always accomodated my schedule-I have my child 90% of the time), he always said he would cancel anything to be with me. Gosh, I believed him...I believed in him. We didn't get physcally intimate until 4 years ago, and it's been a yo yo since.
During the first 4 years, I was told he dated occasionally but didn't have a girlfriend, that he had an x wife whom he respected very much but left her because she didn't give him enough sex. He's hot, oh yeah, fitness buff, looks, money, intelligence, huge catch. My problem was this: I had no self confidence, failed marriage, young child, new job, no money, living with my parents, and here he comes...throwing compliments at me all the time, telling me how smart and pretty I am, listened to me about child rearing, gave me advice, told me I was a great parent...he knew all the right things to say, I fell for it hook line and sinker. The yo yo started after we got intimate 4 years ago.
It was great the first year or so, but keep in mind that we had limited time to work with. Since I have my child all the time, we really only had every other weekend to work with, he convinced me that it wasn't a good idea to involve my child "just yet." So we had great dinners, amazing sex...but he never spent the night or wanted me to spend the night with him, I thought it was strange, but he convinced me it was perfectly acceptable, that we both needed a good nights rest because of how busy we both are. I keep looking back and wondering how I could have been so stupid, but you see, he's that good! He has a home based business, and I had been there several times so I really believed that's where he spent every night, and I still believe it. I probably shouldn't, but I do.
After about 1 1/2 years, my business started thriving, I started to make a little more money, I was in my own home, have a great kid, and I finally started to feel better about myself. He started to act "distant" and whenever I tried to talk about it he acted as if I had 3 heads. He would ignore me for days and then all of a sudden re-appear with the I love you's, dinners, presents and tons of flattery. One day about 2 years ago, he broke it to me that before he and I started sleeping together, he had had a girlfriend for 4 years, and for the past two years, that's all I've heard about, her and everyone else notched in his belt, and how they all broke up with him, broke his heart, and how he can't trust women, that we're all bad, "of course that doesn't include you sweetie, you're different, I know you love me." I kept thinking he must be sharing this with me because he loved me that much and didn't want any secrets between us.
He was always taking trips...but not with me, just with his "golfing" buddies. I expressed an interest to go away with him last year, so we planned a trip to Va, (his favorite spot), and well, it turned out to be a golfing trip. I was at the hotel every day until he was done, and then the guys and I would go to dinner, then Narc and I would go back to the room and "play." He kept calling me different names during the whole trip, almost like he forgot who he was with, at first I found it amusing and joked with him about it. Anyway, after 4 days of this, I had a bit of an emotional meltdown so he drove me home, 7 hrs by the way. This trip was the only time in our relationship that we shared a bed overnight. I tried to break up with him when we got home, (this was last March), I felt so used, He took me there for one reason only.
I did pretty good, no contact for about 2 weeks, until I started getting his e-mails about how much he missed me, the loving texts and phone calls, you know the ones, "your my soul mate, I miss you, I need you, I want you to be happy, lets plan bla bla bla." He even said once, "I wish I could be half the person you are..." Yup, I fell for it. He went away again in April, then in May, but he called, every day, sent text's and e-mails telling me how much he missed me and how he wished I were on the trip with him, that nothing was more important than me. Gosh..again, I beleived him.
I shared every ounce of emotion I had with this guy, my hopes, fears, dreams, business advice. If I had 45 minutes to myself I'd ask him to come over, and of course he was here in an instant, telling me it was better than no time at all, and I'd instantly feel charmed and would do anything he asked of me in that 45 minutes.
I finally complained enough about no time with my family so he agreed to spend some time with them, (including my child). He agred to go to a Family reunion with me, it was out of town so we shared a 2 bedroom suite but we didn't sleep together. It turned out to be the trip from hell. He and my child butted heads the whole time, I have a really smart kid, (he tried to be stern with her but she gave it right back to him), she knows when someone is the devil! About 30 members of my family were there and he made sure to belittle me in front of everyone as often as he could. When we came back home, I apologized to my family, (especially my child), and I broke up with him again.
3 weeks later he was back, and again I fell for it, only this time I agreed to no family involvement. He somehow convinced me that he loved me more than my family loved me, that my child was the devil and that they all "use" me. So little by little I started to distance myself from them. He finally had me where he wanted me, and that's when it got worse. He told me that he's not divorced, that he vacations 3-4 times a year with his estranged wife, (those are his words), and that I have to accept it, he said,"if you don't accept it, there must be something wrong with you and the warped way you were raised."
After a few more break-ups and get back togehter's..... I think I'm finally done. It's only been two weeks since the last break up, but somehow this website appeared at my doorstep and I think it has saved me.
I have so many mixed emotions lately, I really really love this guy, but I know he's evil. I know I need therapy, I know I can't have a normal relationship after this, I don't trust anyone anymore. My heart feels cold, I shiver all the time, and I cry all the time. I'm mad at myself for allowing him to use me. I'm mad at myself for putting so much distance between me and my family, they kept trying to tell me he was no good and I wouldn't listen. I'm mad at myself for exposing my child to this guy. I'm mad at him for who and what he led me to believe he was. I'm so angry at him, he knows me, he knows who I am, everything about me, and he used me.....and he doesn't care.
I deleted all his e-mails, (I was a saver), deleted all texts, photo's, and voice mails. I packed up all the jewelry he gave me I've apologized to my friends and family several times. I don't know what else to do. My Dad was over on Sunday, he had tears in his eyes and he made me promise to quit this guy cold turkey. I made the promise!
Thank you for listening!
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