Feeling overwhelmed 9 mths post narc
Feeling overwhelmed 9 mths post narc
Hi all :o)
I'm about 9 mths out from HIM. Riding the rollercoaster of healing. I suppose I am lucky that now my thoughts are not so much about him, but shifting to society as a whole. I definitely still have thoughts of the betrayal and wishing I could go back (with the knowledge I have now) and stand up for myself by leaving HIM. But that can never be. I was left and I was the one who was humiliated and pushed away- dumped. That is still a hard pill to swallow.
What is hurting me now is society.... 'my community'. I don't know about you all, but I feel that the prevalance of personality disordered individuals is extremely high in my world. It doesn't match what the studies suggests. For me I run into these sick, twisted freaks on a daily basis.
I am worn out. It is making me lose faith that I will be able to have a happy life. I feel like i live among monsters and I have to protect myself. I am tired of it.
The other day I signed up for a fun class. Something to do after work. I was really excited about it. I was early to class and there was another woman waiting. I cheerfully said hello and asked her if she was there for the same thing I was. She cut me a cold look and barely said "yeah" and then immediately turned away. I thought... ok, that wasn't nice- perhaps she doesn't like people who look like me (race/age- IDK). However, I saw that someone else asked her a question (who did 'look' like her) and she was really rude to them as well. When the class started this woman DOMINATED it. I was very upset with the instructor because he allowed it. Even though there were 25 of us in the class it was all about her. While the rest of us were quietly listening, she kept blurting out sarcastic comments when the instructor spoke and the whole class would laugh. I felt like she was making the class her supply. She was so attention seeking that I almost wanted to yell, "is there an off button on you!" (but I didn't). I felt SO annoyed, since I'd paid money to come do something fun.... but instead i was a part of narc supply.
That is just one example. However, that is how my life has been going. EVERY time I go out I seem to encounter a person with obvious extreme emotional underdevelopment who is unbelievable rude OR boundary crossing OR inappropriate. As though I am in a world of adult sized 3 yr old and I am one of the only real adults!
I am losing faith in society. There is no other option for me though. I HAVE to live in this world, however why are there so many of them. I have to wonder if there has been an increase of this population of people. WTF is going on??
I am really unhappy, bc when I try to do things for myself- there those creatures are. I have met a couple of nice women- new friends. When they bring their friends around to meet me... THOSE people are narcs and it is SO uncomfortable for me. They want to act like we are instant friends (the males) and hug on me, touch me, ask questions that are FAR too personal and sexual in nature. Therefore, I can no longer relax and have to go into explicitly stating my boundaries. Of course I will get responses like, "hey.. we're all adults here- we can talk about sex!" OR "Oh.. you are one of those pruddish girls... guys like a girl who knows how to let it all go... maybe that's why your man left!" UGH!!!! Everyone else sees these things as jokes... I know (after being with my ex) that those comments are abuse. Those are meant to make me feel bad for not giving them what they want (a sexually stimulating conversation... supply). This is no joke to me.
I'm SO tired of this you guys! This is a part of my life that WILL continue. My ex is out of my life... however I am of course a member of society and hence THIS part of my life will continue. I can't just continue to isolate myself in my house... however that is such a safe, comfortable place. I was never a hermit before; but since my eyes have been opened by this experience I detect pathology nearly everywhere. I'm worried that this will lead me to feeling depressed again... bc right now I am starting to feel despair.
Soooo frustrated.
:o(
Jessika
I am starting to feel despair
Jessika
Thank you
Thank you
Jessika
yes, I agree they seem to be everywhere
Jessika
they're everywhere it seems........
First off, congrats on 9
Jessika
Jessika Feeling Hope Again
Hi Amazed ;o)
Jessika, I work in a
Thank you
Empath
yeah
Don't Change Who You Are
I understand