lisarudi's story
lisarudi's story
My ExN and I were married for 21 years. 2 children, 22yrs. and 14 yrs.(both boys). I knew from the very beginning I had made a mistake, but I was young (as was he)and pregnant.. We felt like we needed to "do the right thing" and marry.
From the start, he was selfish/self-centered and controlling. I was quite meek and rather intimidated by him. I learned to cope and focused on the boys; I somehow (still don't know how I did it)accepted my life and was determined to remain married. I was under the impression that he felt the same way.
By year 12-13, maturity had helped with the temper, but now he was obsessing about building up the family business. I was not allowed to be a part of any of the planning, the only requirement was that I sign my name of the loan papers, which of course I did. He hired a female assistant who became his confidant/advisor. Poor choice after poor choice led to bankruptcy for the business, and unfortunately for us personally. NOW I was good enough to hold his hand. He was very dependant on me at this point. But not for long.......
Since he is so brilliant (according to him)he started the process of rebuilding his career. During this time the outlandish lies began again. He had to travel a great deal, and I had requested to go with him from time to time. Out of the question.....however, he did hire two 19 yr. old girls to travel with him as his assitants. Overnight trips, buying them cars, computers, etc....
I started to challenge his "stories" and the appropriateness of his relationship with the young girls. He was doing nothing wrong he assured me. I didn't believe it for a minute. He would flaunt them in my face and tell me how unsupportive I was.
He then began to "confide" in our oldest son who was getting ready to leave for college. Apparently I was mean to him and unsupportive. In other words I called him out on things that were blantantly wrong or lies. The damage he caused between my oldest son and myself was devastating. We are just now trying to repair the damage done.
The lies: allegedly had a stroke and heart attack, yet no hospital stays, medications, insurance claims, nothing. He owns a resort in Key West, parties in New York with Will Smith and Johnny Knoxville. Has access to a private jet whenever he desires. Convinced that every friend I had was in love with him. Met the President, and uses Donald Trump's accountants and attorneys.
The older he got the worse it became. He is now 41 years old. He tells me that every woman wants him and every man wants to be him.
I kicked him out 18 months ago, filed for divorce and it became final in May of 2009.
Here is the best part......he's my neighbor. I kept the marital house and he moved down the road. Now he has a young woman living with him. I have yet to see them together, and I'm truly dreading it. We have absolutely NC. If we need to communicate about our youngest we email and it is short and to the point.
He treated me like something he found on the bottom of his shoe, and I got used to it. It was my normal...pathetic.
I am still struggling with my feelings for him. I want to feel safe, protected, loved. I never did with him, yet the charming side of him always made everything feel okay, and I was okay with okay for years.
I just went NC at Christmas time. Up and until then, he would come down to my house several times a week to talk (at me) about his wonderful life. I don't think I ever had a give and take conversation in the whole time we were married. Once I said NC....girlfriend pops up.
Adoration, Admiration, power, seems to be his drug of choice
I want to be free of him and his crazy-making life. I just don't know how to do it. (Yes I have been in therapy for several years. He of course refused).
This seems to be a terrific group of ladies with loads of wisdom, I look forward to seeking some support and giving it also.
Lisa
Welcome lisarudi
nycsurvivor
Paying off the mortgage
Paying off the mortgage
our stories are very
sticking it out
secondchance
welcome lisarudi